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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Mar 21, 2013
Dear Amy:

For the past year, I have been in a “flirtationship”(so to speak) with a guy. We talk almost every day. I really like him, and I’m pretty sure he likes me too. We’re practically dating, but we’ve never made it official.

In two weeks he leaves for his trip to Europe, but he’s staying with a girl! He assures me that they are not romantically involved, but I’m afraid that in a beautiful foreign country, he might lose sight of what we have here. Should I talk to him about this, or will he just think I’m being uncool? Please help!

Sleepless

You could talk to him about this, but it would be “uncool” to do so.You have a nice flirtationship going. It might lead somewhere in the future. But the cool thing would be to sit back a little and let him be the one to worry about what might happen in his absence.You cannot do anything about his choices. You do not have the standing to make declarations about who he stays with or what he does while he’s away. If you two talk each day, he will miss you. Let him.

Believe it or not, this trip could be good for your relationship. Absence really can make the heart grow fonder, even when the feet go wander.

Dear Amy:

A year ago, my boyfriend broke up with me, mostly because my mom comes to visit my sister and me several times a year and stays for long periods of time for each visit. During her visits, I put doing things with them over going out and doing things with my boyfriend, and he got fed up. So he left.

At the beginning of the breakup, my mom was goading me by telling me that she always hated him, so I told her she was a big reason for the breakup! My boyfriend and I worked out our issues and are back together. However, my mom and my sister still hate him. How can I get everyone to get along again?

Lost

You need to be more in charge of your life. Discussing this with your mother invited her input and created more of a problem for you. You also need to learn to balance opposing parties, both of whom are trying to control you.

You could mediate this by limiting your availability for visits (if you want to); you could also let your mother know that when she visits she is welcome to step into your life (vs. interrupt it). That includes folding in your boyfriend (and other friends) during these visits. Spending time with you and your boyfriend may acclimate her to accepting you as a couple.

Tell your guy that your family is your family. If he needs to suck it up and be a better sport, then tell him so. Regardless, both parties need to respect the other, even if they don’t like one another.

If your mother has valid concerns about him, you should pay attention. But if your mother and sister are simply in a tug of war with him over you, then they’re going to have to find a way to tolerate his presence in your life. And if they aren’t able to do that, then you should let them know that they can stay home.

Dear Amy:

“Daughter” wrote to you about her fractured family. She did not want to associate with her father’s third wife because the woman had cheated on the father and had a baby as a result of the affair. She said her father was staying in the marriage and helping to raise the child because “he takes his marriage vows very seriously.

”Amy, I agreed with everything you said in your answer, except the first line, where you said,“he can’t take his marriage vows all that seriously if he’s on his third marriage.” You don’t know the circumstances.

Faithful Reader

You are right. Other readers made the same comment. I apologize.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Mar 21, 2013
LW1: "I’m afraid that in a beautiful foreign country, he might lose sight of what we have here."
What does he have here?

"a year of a “flirtationship”(so to speak)"
"practically dating, but we’ve never made it official"

What does this mean? To me, this describes a year of flirting with the waitress at the diner he eats at every day.

LW2: "Discussing this with your mother invited her input and created more of a problem for you."
This.
Keep your private shit private.

Interesting that Amby claims he's trying to control her. He was not happy with the lack of attention he was getting so he found the door. If he had been neglecting her, lets say spending all his time with the fellas, you can be damn sure Amby would have been all over that saying he's neglecting her and she should find someone to give her the attention she deserves.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#3 Mar 21, 2013
1- "Flirtationship," "practically dating." I have no idea what any of that means, so I can't really formulate an opinion. Are you fukkbuddies? Casual friends? Co workers? Your issue is jealousy.

2- Both of you need to grow up. This sounds like teen date drama.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Mar 21, 2013
L1: Is this LW 15? Practically dating? Well, "practically dating" means you're not even dating. Keep your trap shut. She sounds like she's going to end up being a stalker.

L2: Your bf broke up with you probably b/c you're too immature.

L3: I'm not one to stick up for Amy, but I gotta say when I read he was on his third marriage, the thought that he doesn't take his marriage vows seriously entered my mind.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Mar 21, 2013
LW1: Resist being the clingy girl. Just let him go and have a good time. What happens in Europe stays in Europe.

LW2: Stop telling your boyfriend what your mom says and stop telling your mom what your boyfriend says. It's called boundaries, find some.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Mar 21, 2013
LW1: Might lose sight of what you have? A f’ing flirtationship? What are you 12? That’s not anything.

LW2: I think the ship has sailed in terms of everyone getting along. Just hope they can be cordial when around each other.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#7 Mar 21, 2013
1 Nice way to put it all on the man amy! How about you tell the chick to show a little initiative.
Besides if you have not even gone on a date, I doubt that she is even on his radar.

2 More man bashing! How is the dude being controlling? He did not feel he was getting out what he was putting in, so he left. If the girl had the same situation you would have given her a medal.

3 Ha, amy got bashed for man bashing!

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

#8 Mar 21, 2013
1. You're being uncool and unsmart and ungrown-up. You flirt. You're not in a relationship. He's not hiding from you that he's staying with a girl. If you want more, then you need to try to make that happen. If you don't, you have no right to object to whatever else he is doing.

2. Good advice. Race, where is the man-bashing? Insecure much?

3. I agree with Amy's original comments.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#9 Mar 21, 2013
By accusing the guy of being controlling when he only wants whats fair, that is man bashing because if the situation was reversed amby would tell the girl she deserves better. Just like you are RACE bashing because you're jumping on my case about what I post, but you conveniently ignore the fact that Tonka said basically the same thing.

Someone get a chainsaw, sams clam is wet for RACE today!
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
1. You're being uncool and unsmart and ungrown-up. You flirt. You're not in a relationship. He's not hiding from you that he's staying with a girl. If you want more, then you need to try to make that happen. If you don't, you have no right to object to whatever else he is doing.
2. Good advice. Race, where is the man-bashing? Insecure much?
3. I agree with Amy's original comments.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

#10 Mar 21, 2013
LW1. You are not in a real relationship. Let him go and flirt with someone else while he is gone.:)

LW2. Too much of the "he said, she said". Stay neutral and keep your trap shut about what each says.

LW3. Third marriage? No comment. lol

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#11 Mar 21, 2013
RACE wrote:
By accusing the guy of being controlling when he only wants whats fair, that is man bashing because if the situation was reversed amby would tell the girl she deserves better. Just like you are RACE bashing because you're jumping on my case about what I post, but you conveniently ignore the fact that Tonka said basically the same thing.
Someone get a chainsaw, sams clam is wet for RACE today!
<quoted text>
I didn't read Tonka's because his post wasn't at the end. Unfortunately, yours was. If he said the same thing, then my comments apply to him as well. Why are you so worried about what someone else said? Can't you stick up for yourself? See how often you find me pointing at other people and saying "But they said the same thing, why aren't you yelling at them?!?" Ya big baby. Even whinier is your "If it had been a girl then Amy would have...." Who cares? How about you address what actually is?

And believe you me, the only thing you do to my va-jay-jay is make it want to go prematurely menopausal.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Mar 21, 2013
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
<quoted text>
I didn't read Tonka's because his post wasn't at the end. Unfortunately, yours was. If he said the same thing, then my comments apply to him as well.
So have you had a chance to read my glorious post?

So if a woman had written in and said that her boyfriend's brother comes to town several times per year for long periods of time and during that time, he always put spending time with the brother first and she felt neglected, you think Amby would have told her

A) she was controlling

or

B) your boyfriend seems is not making you a priority in his life and as a result, you are unhappy and have every right to leave

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#13 Mar 21, 2013
Listen pea brain, you are the first one to cry that other peeps are saying worse than you are. In fact it's one of your favorite defenses, so how about you do a little self examination on that point. Oh, you wont of course, admitting your faults is something you are incapable of. Every time you are proven wrong, you just slink away and pop up again somewhere else. Your a pathetic, weak loser who's biggest thrill is to degrade others. You're a wanna be bully, but too stupid to actually get the upper hand in a debate. I dont know why you even bother to hang here, you are as welcome as herpes and twice as ugly.

There, did I stick up enough for myself you twit?
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
<quoted text>
I didn't read Tonka's because his post wasn't at the end. Unfortunately, yours was. If he said the same thing, then my comments apply to him as well. Why are you so worried about what someone else said? Can't you stick up for yourself? See how often you find me pointing at other people and saying "But they said the same thing, why aren't you yelling at them?!?" Ya big baby. Even whinier is your "If it had been a girl then Amy would have...." Who cares? How about you address what actually is?
And believe you me, the only thing you do to my va-jay-jay is make it want to go prematurely menopausal.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#14 Mar 21, 2013
Hatti_Hollerand wrote:
LW1. You are not in a real relationship. Let him go and flirt with someone else while he is gone.:)
LW2. Too much of the "he said, she said". Stay neutral and keep your trap shut about what each says.
LW3. Third marriage? No comment. lol
Hiya Hatti!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Mar 21, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> So have you had a chance to read my glorious post?
So if a woman had written in and said that her boyfriend's brother comes to town several times per year for long periods of time and during that time, he always put spending time with the brother first and she felt neglected, you think Amby would have told her
A) she was controlling
or
B) your boyfriend seems is not making you a priority in his life and as a result, you are unhappy and have every right to leave
Right on Tonka!

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#16 Mar 21, 2013
RACE wrote:
Listen pea brain, you are the first one to cry that other peeps are saying worse than you are. In fact it's one of your favorite defenses, so how about you do a little self examination on that point. Oh, you wont of course, admitting your faults is something you are incapable of. Every time you are proven wrong, you just slink away and pop up again somewhere else. Your a pathetic, weak loser who's biggest thrill is to degrade others. You're a wanna be bully, but too stupid to actually get the upper hand in a debate. I dont know why you even bother to hang here, you are as welcome as herpes and twice as ugly.
There, did I stick up enough for myself you twit?
<quoted text>
Well, you used a lot of words, but you didn't say much.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#17 Mar 21, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> So have you had a chance to read my glorious post?
So if a woman had written in and said that her boyfriend's brother comes to town several times per year for long periods of time and during that time, he always put spending time with the brother first and she felt neglected, you think Amby would have told her
A) she was controlling
or
B) your boyfriend seems is not making you a priority in his life and as a result, you are unhappy and have every right to leave
I don't know and I don't care. I am not going to debate about what some hack advice columnist MIGHT have said in the case of a HYPOTHETICAL letter. What she said about the letter that was actually written is right or wrong, regardless of any other imaginary scenario.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

#18 Mar 21, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Hiya Hatti!
Hello Sublime!:) Cool group of posters here. I've enjoyed reading their comments. Some funny stuff. lol

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#19 Mar 21, 2013
L1: Clue: Your online friend is not your boyfriend.

L2: You are too attached to your bossy mommy to have a boyfriend. Cut him loose so he can find an adult to date.

L3: Whatever. Third marriage? Someone has some stuff to learn.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Mar 21, 2013
RACE wrote:
1 Nice way to put it all on the man amy! How about you tell the chick to show a little initiative.
Besides if you have not even gone on a date, I doubt that she is even on his radar.
2 More man bashing! How is the dude being controlling? He did not feel he was getting out what he was putting in, so he left. If the girl had the same situation you would have given her a medal.
3 Ha, amy got bashed for man bashing!
She's SO sexist, it's ridiculousz.

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