“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 29, 2013
Dear Amy: I have been living with my boyfriend for approximately four years; we are both in our 50s. I don't understand why he hasn't asked me to marry him. We've talked about this several times (with me bringing up this subject). I end up getting upset because he gives no specific reason for not wanting to get married. We love each other very much and are really meant for each other, but he's just not interested in getting married. Both of us are divorced, and marriage just doesn't seem to be in the near future (or possibly at all) for us.

He treats me well, but I sometimes feel used and underappreciated and feel I'm not good enough to be married to him. I feel insecure not being married; there is no commitment to anything. What should I do: be happily unmarried or look for another Mr. Right who is willing to commit (in time) to getting married? Not Good Enough?

Dear Not Enough: If you could somehow force yourself to be "happily unmarried," then that would be the best choice for you, but you will not be able to pull this off because it is not what you want in life. And what you want is every bit as important as what he wants (or doesn't want).

Your guy will never ask you to marry him. You may be able to manipulate or otherwise force him into a matrimonial union, but this marriage will not deliver the commitment you crave because he does not want it. When one party is reluctant or feels manipulated by an ultimatum, this tension comes up later when times get tough, and times always get tough.

You crave this particular connection and commitment, and if you absolutely must have it in your life, you need to be brave enough to leave your current relationship and seek it elsewhere. There is no guarantee of marriage with anyone in your future, but you might be happier on your own.

Dear Amy: My friend recently started what she calls her "small business," in which she sells sex toys on behalf of a company for a commission.

She is hosting a few events in her home, where she tries to get her friends to come and spend lots of money to buy this overpriced junk. I have no need for what she is selling, but she is pressuring her friends to attend her events and buy things to "get her small business off the ground."

How can I politely decline without telling her I think this whole venture is predatory on her friends and provides an overpriced product that I don't want to waste money on? Upset Friend

Dear Upset: It's easy to politely decline. You just say, "I won't be able to attend your party or buy these products, but good luck with your business." Do not explain. Anyone selling sex toys must realize that there is a (somewhat) limited clientele for this sort of product.

I receive many queries from people like you who feel pressured to patronize these home-based commission businesses. I think it's time for people embarking on these ventures to realize that this business model is a challenging one that requires people to trade on their personal relationships to build clientele and make money. Some people manage to do this fairly gracefully, but there is a fine line between being assertive and being pushy. If people are going to trade on their personal relationships, then they should also realize that they place these relationships in "play." Responding politely should neutralize this challenge.

Dear Amy: The letter from "Understanding Mom" amused me. This mom was worried that her son would insist on wearing his skirt to a social occasion to which the family had been invited.

The answer here is simple: She should get him a kilt. Kilts are acceptable, even at formal occasions. Kilt Wearing Reader

Dear Reader: A kilt is definitely a socially acceptable alternative to a skirt, but that is beside the point. This mom should not be stressing about her adult son's dressing.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Dec 29, 2013
1- "Your guy will never ask you to marry him."

Amy's a psychic now

2- "Anyone selling sex toys must realize that there is a (somewhat) limited clientele for this sort of product."

I call bullsht. LOTS of women use sex toys. If they ever invent a chocolate dill doe that ejaculates money, women wouldn't have a use for men at all.

3- He's being a whiny little btchboi. "I wanna wear my dress! I wanna wear my dress!" Dude, there's a time and a place for everything and a formal dinner is no place to assert your cross-dressing desires. Go a gay pride parade and prance around all you want.

Claremont, CA

#3 Dec 29, 2013
LW1 - Why don't YOU ask him to marry you? And why exactly at age 50-something do you want to be married? What is there in it that you don't have just by living together?

LW2 - Yep, there may be a more limited clientele for dill doe (love e-dog's way of spelling it) parties than for tupperware or Mary Kay parties. Women may use the products, but a lot of them are unlikely to be buying them in the presence of more than one other woman (a BFF). Just say, "No, thanks."

LW3 - As far as I remember the OLW, the son was an adult. His mommy should stay out of his business and let him choose his own course of behavior (or dressing style) and deal with the consequences of his choices on his own.
Blunt Advice

Oakland, NJ

#4 Dec 29, 2013
1. Have you ever heard "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" Unless he has alot of money to spend on you, dump him.

2. What Amy said. I don't go to ANY of these sales parties....Tupperware, candles, or any of that overpriced crap.

3. In the original letter, a friend of the parents invited them and their adult children out to dinner. I would just tell the friends thank you for the invite, but be forewarned that Lovelace may come wearing a dress. If it bothers them, then they can reneg on the invitation. I do like Edogs answer about prancing around at the GPP.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5 Dec 29, 2013
L1: he isn't going to propose. He probably has good reasons, like he got burned in his divorce financially and doesn't. Want to risk that again. You have to decide whether you want him as-is, or whether you don't.

L2: Amy's advice seems okay. I am fine with buying sex toys; I just have no desire to buy them in a way that advertises to,friends what I am buying.

L3: boring.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#6 Dec 29, 2013
LW1 seems to take boyfriend's reluctance too personally. Agree with
Cass and Red.

Plant City, FL

#7 Dec 29, 2013
1: Oh, the sad blind moron.
"I've been living with him for 4 years." "I don't know why he won't ask." "I have to bring it up."

2: I don't buy sex toys, the same way I don't buy overpriced stinky candles. The product is irrelevant.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#8 Dec 29, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
2: I don't buy sex toys, the same way I don't buy overpriced stinky candles.
Uh, sex toys and scented candles are usually used for different reasons. Sometimes. Saw this video once where one girl.... eh, nevermind.

Carrots and cucumbers don't seem to... hear the massager on the shower head can... you're a lady so I won't ask... but...

Salinas, CA

#9 Dec 29, 2013
LW1: You don't need to be married. You claim to be in love and well-treated. Be happy with what you have. Marriage guarantees nothing. The more you push, the more he will retreat. And I disagree that he will "never" propose. Never is a strong word and rarely applicable to romantic situations.

LW2: Either politely decline, or go to the party and buy some oil. They sell more than toys at these parties. Yes, I have been to this type of party. And the orders are handled discreetly so that everyone doesn't know what you are buying.

LW3: IMHO, the original LW's adult son was a drama queen, so the kilt would not work in that situation. I hope she told her friend that a fancy, conservative restaurant would not be a good place to invite her entire family and that they adjusted accordingly.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 43 min uIDIOTRACEMAKEWOR... 1,520,792
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 4 hr They cannot kill ... 10,569
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 5 hr Saint Donald 240,292
Protest is Treason 5 hr Our President Trump 1
Parental Alienation is Child Abuse 8 hr Fathers4Justice 1
Look at Minn. Maine & Michigan. 9 hr They cannot kill ... 10
Four letter word game (Dec '11) 9 hr honeymylove 2,524

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages