“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#21 Feb 7, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW2: My ex and I text occasionally, once every couple of months or so. He's a friend and no threat to my current bf or his new gf. You sound very insecure. Don't create unnecessary drama.
You don't have to tell current BF about these texts, but if you don't you're obviously hiding it from him. So sayeth the dog.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#22 Feb 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I make a distinction between "reporting back every time" and absolute secrecy. I'm not suggesting you should be suspicious of "every man she talks to" (what is it with your absolutes?) If my wife or gf was talking and texting her ex on several occassions and hiding it from me, that is a cause for concern.
I agree. If my SO knows I'm in occasional contact with an ex with whom I'm friendly, I think that's good enough for both of us. I may tell him about a particularly interesting exchange or something, or forward something he would be interested in reading, but otherwise, he isn't interestd in the nitty gritty, but I wouldn't hide the relationship.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#23 Feb 7, 2013
L2. I used to date someone who snooped through my phone and do other sneaky stuff.
It did no good and everything was needlessly blown way out of proportion.
It's been about 7 years now since we last spoke.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#24 Feb 7, 2013
Very true, and for that I believe him to be an idiot.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>By the way, in the original letter, grandma was not even dead. No kids asked him to go. He was just expecting her to die soon cause she was so old and wondering if he had an obligation to go, at great expense cause he lived so far away.
No, I do not disagree, I never said I would ask my dad (I cant anyway, he has passed on). I said if my child asked that I would go but, if she did not ask I would not.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
Personally, I can't imagine asking my dad to accompany me in a scenario like this. You disagree. But what if you were not even asked? Would you feel an obligation even if your daughter did not ask nor expect you to come?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#25 Feb 7, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
Dude, he said she had ONE conversation withthe ex several months ago and it was not sexual. Then he said he found ONE text conversation between them that was platonic. You say she should not have to report back to him every time, but you call TWO conversations a secret?
Should he have to wait until there are dozens of phone calls and hundreds of texts before he can wonder if there's a problem?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#26 Feb 7, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>You don't have to tell current BF about these texts, but if you don't you're obviously hiding it from him. So sayeth the dog.
I never said that. YOU are saying I said that. I never said "every single communication exchange is to be reported," so I will not attempt do defend that line of argument.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#27 Feb 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Why should he tell HER to run? She's the one keeping secrets from HIM. How is HE the jerk?
You're right. He's a compassionate, patient, understanding partner, and she is a lying, deceitful whore who should be burned at the stake.
What are you doing with your gf for Valentine's Day? Gonna wipe her down, pump her up and take her somewhere nice? Maybe go for a ride in the carpool lane?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#28 Feb 7, 2013
At least dogs gf does not need batteries.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#29 Feb 7, 2013
RACE wrote:
At least dogs gf does not need batteries.
Was that supposed to be a slam?'Cause I'll freely admit I use the hell out of my vibrator. Alone, with my bf, it's just one part of a very enjoyable sex life.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#30 Feb 7, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: I think she sounds like a young person, early to mid 20s, college graduate, and she's from a tight-knit family. She needs to carve out her own identity, separate from being daughter/sister/auntie/grandda ughter, and her family isn't used to this new person who suddenly has other priorities (even if those priorities are just enjoying her new apartment and not having any obligations that weekend).
I have her pegged as somene from a culture that demands a lot from daughters, perhaps So Asian but who also wantsto have an American style bf.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#31 Feb 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I never said that. YOU are saying I said that. I never said "every single communication exchange is to be reported," so I will not attempt do defend that line of argument.
So what's your threshold? If 2 conversations months apart constitute secrecy to you, why don't you elaborate? She does not have to report ever single exchange, but once it gets to 2 within 6 months she must be hiding it? When does it cross over from being too insignificant to mention to I need to tell my husband/BF about this?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#32 Feb 7, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>So what's your threshold? If 2 conversations months apart constitute secrecy to you, why don't you elaborate? She does not have to report ever single exchange, but once it gets to 2 within 6 months she must be hiding it? When does it cross over from being too insignificant to mention to I need to tell my husband/BF about this?
This has nothing to do with how many phone calls within how much time. If you have nothing to hide, then you should have nothing to hide. The secrecy is the issue.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#33 Feb 7, 2013
LW1 - set one day of teh week that is hte default family day. make that sacred time, and it will help ease the uncertainty of scheduling. for us, it's sunday night family dinner. that's the standing default. no one give grief if soemtihgn else comes up - super bowl, on-call, out of town guests - but my parents will do a lot to deflect other opportunities because of our standing dinners. soemtimes, close friends join in, but they will often see about changing to saturday outings.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#34 Feb 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
This has nothing to do with how many phone calls within how much time. If you have nothing to hide, then you should have nothing to hide. The secrecy is the issue.
How is she hiding it? She told him about the conversations. Please explain the secrecy. Perhaps I missed it.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#35 Feb 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
This has nothing to do with how many phone calls within how much time. If you have nothing to hide, then you should have nothing to hide. The secrecy is the issue.
So when do you make the distinction between not sharing the info because it was an insignificant meaningles conversation vs not sharing the info because you are hiding it?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#36 Feb 7, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>So when do you make the distinction between not sharing the info because it was an insignificant meaningles conversation vs not sharing the info because you are hiding it?
That would depend on intent.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#37 Feb 7, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
How is she hiding it? She told him about the conversations. Please explain the secrecy. Perhaps I missed it.
Perhaps you did. She waited several months before telling him about the phone call and he discovered a text she didn't mention at all

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#38 Feb 7, 2013
I think when you feel the need to check the other person's phone, it's over. or nearly over. Married? Work on it. Kids? PLEASE work on it. Dating? end it.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#39 Feb 7, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I think when you feel the need to check the other person's phone, it's over.
Agreed. Helpful.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#40 Feb 7, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>You don't have to tell current BF about these texts, but if you don't you're obviously hiding it from him. So sayeth the dog.
Current bf is really, really new. He hasn't met all, or even most of my friends yet. If I continue to keep in touch with the ex, I'll probably mention him at some point. He is no threat to this or any future relationships. There is zero chance of us getting back together.

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