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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Apr 30, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We live together, and his child from another woman lives with us. I love my boyfriend and his child, but one thing prevents me from imagining us being married: He has his child's mother's name tattooed on his body.

The tattoo bothers me for many reasons, and I'd like him to have it covered up if we ever do marry. He says he doesn't want to get rid of it. When the topic comes up, we argue.

Am I unreasonable for wanting him to get rid of the tattoo? If that woman really is in his past, why does he need a constant reminder of her on his body?-- IN A STINK OVER INK

DEAR IN A STINK: You're asking the wrong person. Only your boyfriend can answer that. He may not want to go to the expense, or to experience the pain of having more artwork done. Or he may not like the idea that you are telling him what to do.

However, if he has been living with you for two years, I doubt it's because he's still carrying a torch for someone else. If you love him and the two of you want to get married, my advice is to accept him warts, artwork and all, because regardless of any romance in his past, YOU have habeas corpus.(That's Latin for "you have the body.")

DEAR ABBY: I consider myself a social person and enjoy talking to friends on the phone. My problem is, when I talk to one of them, she will never let me get off the phone. Sometimes we'll talk for several hours, but eventually I have other obligations and have to go. When I tell her that, she often ignores me and keeps right on talking.

I don't want to be rude, but sometimes I have to say goodbye four and five times before she finally acknowledges that I must end the call. It irritates me. I like talking to her, but I can't go on and on forever. How can I make her let me off the phone without hanging up on her or upsetting her?-- MR. NICE GUY

DEAR MR. NICE GUY: The person you're describing obviously has less going on in her life than you do. She may also be a compulsive talker.

The next time you talk to her, make the conversation face-to-face and tell her that as much as you like her, you don't have the amount of time to spend on the phone that she does. Explain that when you tell her you must end the conversation, if she doesn't stop talking within five minutes, you will have to hang up. And then do it.

Will she like it? No. But the alternative is that she will continue to take advantage of you -- which she has been doing because you have allowed it.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Apr 30, 2014
L2 Tell her you have recently switched phone carriers and are experiencing a lot of dropped calls.. Then "drop" her calls mid sentence.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#3 Apr 30, 2014
1- If it bothers you so much, he should do something about it. The fact he's arguing over it shows he really doesn't care about your feelings. Meh, just dump him

2- sigh. Sometimes people can be so stupid, they make you want to punch a kitten. This lw is one of them

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#4 Apr 30, 2014
LW1- why are you demanding that he make alterations to his body? You have no say over that.

LW2- just say "I've got to cut you off here - I have to go. Talk to you later!" and hang up.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Apr 30, 2014
L1: You need to have an honest talk between the two of you about the relationship.

L2: When you answer her call tell her, "Sally, great to hear from you. I only have 10 minutes before I need to x,y,z. What's going on?"

After 10 minutes (or whatever), "Sally, I'm so sorry I have to go now. I'll talk to you soon. Have a great day."

If you have to, talk over her. If you need to, hang up the phone after "have a great day".

Repeat every call.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Apr 30, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
LW1- why are you demanding that he make alterations to his body? You have no say over that.
LW2- just say "I've got to cut you off here - I have to go. Talk to you later!" and hang up.
i'm normally not in favor of trying to change people. But I agree with lw1. I could not see getting into an ltr wit a girl who had...Edogg tattooed on some noticeable place. That would bother me.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Apr 30, 2014
Lw2: She's upsetting you, so why be so concerned about upsetting her. Tell her you have to go, then go.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#9 Apr 30, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i'm normally not in favor of trying to change people. But I agree with lw1. I could not see getting into an ltr wit a girl who had...Edogg tattooed on some noticeable place. That would bother me.
I agree.

If the LW was trying to get her boyfriend to GET a tattoo of HER name, I'd say what S&O said.

This is why you shouldn't get your SO's name tattooed on you....

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#10 Apr 30, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
2- sigh. Sometimes people can be so stupid, they make you want to punch a kitten. This lw is one of them
Yeah.

JUST HANG UP. How hard is that? What a dumbass to let himself get trapped on the phone for *hours*(per the letter).
ScarletandOlive

Iselin, NJ

#11 Apr 30, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i'm normally not in favor of trying to change people. But I agree with lw1. I could not see getting into an ltr wit a girl who had...Edogg tattooed on some noticeable place. That would bother me.
I don't think I could be with someone who has an ex's name prominently placed on his body, either, but I don't think it's my place to demand that he cover it. I would tell him that I wasn't comfortable with it, then take his reaction (telling me to get over it or starting to design his cover up) as an indication of whether or not he is the right partner for me.

I'm pretty laid back though. As mentioned previously, I wear the jewelry that my husband had given his ex (who then returned it when they broke up).

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#12 Apr 30, 2014
No no no, the ex's name's not Wendy -- that's acutally "Welcome to Jamaica, Mon -- Have a Nice Day!"

My ex-son-in-law is Fred. I suggested my daughter get the D covered up & converted to an E -- as she was now "FREE!" I think she eventually just got it covered with a Celtic Knot though.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Apr 30, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i'm normally not in favor of trying to change people. But I agree with lw1. I could not see getting into an ltr wit a girl who had...Edogg tattooed on some noticeable place. That would bother me.
Yes, but I'm pretty sure I'd know that on the third date and find out what the deal was/is and make my decision whether to continue the relationship or not based on that conversation with the tattooed person.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#14 Apr 30, 2014
1 Drop it, and If he asks you to marry him, just say "Not until the tat is gone". This lets him decide what he values more.

2 People will treat you as poorly as you let them. Reach in you pants and grab your sac, then tell her you gotta go.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Apr 30, 2014
LW1: "He may not want to go to the expense, or to experience the pain of having more artwork done."

I'm highly doubting it's the prospect of more pain that is preventing him from getting it covered up. I'm trying to think if I know anyone with just one tattoo, and I don't; they can be a little addictive...The expense part is more likely.

Other than that, what RACE said.

LW2: She's being rude, so stop worrying about being rude too. When you have to go, give her two goodbyes and then hang up. She'll eventually get the message that your goodbye really means goodbye.

Or she'll stop talking to you altogether, and you won't have to worry about it all.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Apr 30, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think I could be with someone who has an ex's name prominently placed on his body, either, but I don't think it's my place to demand that he cover it. I would tell him that I wasn't comfortable with it, then take his reaction (telling me to get over it or starting to design his cover up) as an indication of whether or not he is the right partner for me.
I'm pretty laid back though. As mentioned previously, I wear the jewelry that my husband had given his ex (who then returned it when they broke up).
i don't see wearing jewelry as comparable to having an ex's name on your body. No one knows or cares where you got the jewelry

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#17 Apr 30, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i don't see wearing jewelry as comparable to having an ex's name on your body. No one knows or cares where you got the jewelry
I couldn't be with someone whose ex's name was on his body simply because it is a sharp indication of how stupid he is in general (by getting it in the first place).

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Apr 30, 2014
I do agree wirh most of you though that instead of trying to make him get rid of it, you take it as a sign that you're just not that important to him if he kniws you don't like it but does not care.

I can't imagine keeping such a tattoo if i was in a new relationship.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#19 Apr 30, 2014
I got a tat of yours on me, just in case we get hitched!
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
I couldn't be with someone whose ex's name was on his body simply because it is a sharp indication of how stupid he is in general (by getting it in the first place).
Kuuipo

Seaside, CA

#20 Apr 30, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i'm normally not in favor of trying to change people. But I agree with lw1. I could not see getting into an ltr wit a girl who had...Edogg tattooed on some noticeable place. That would bother me.
I totally agree. A friend of mine is a tattoo artist and I have seen her work wonders with coverup tats. I would encourage LW to find someone like my friend and then talk to the bf again.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#21 Apr 30, 2014
Isn't there a show on TV about changing bad tats?

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