“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Mar 18, 2014
DEAR AMY: I'm really concerned my widower father is turning into something of a slut. My mother passed away seven years ago, and then my father had the very unfortunate luck of having a girlfriend who succumbed to cancer a few years later.

I understand that he's lonely, and needs affection that only a female companion would give, but he's currently courting three women, none of whom know about each other.

I know it is none of my business, but I am actually frightened that these women he met online who so easily jump into bed with him will leave him with an STD.

I've heard that the spread of STDs is actually more prevalent among the older generation these days. What you would suggest I do to convince him that these trysts may be more than he bargained for, without overstepping boundaries?

He's quite headstrong and rarely listens to me; what should I do?-- Concerned Daughter

DEAR CONCERNED: I shared your question with a spokesperson for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, who responded: "While CDC continues to find that STDs disproportionately affect younger people in the U.S., it is important to understand that many older Americans face unique prevention challenges (e.g., discomfort in discussing sexual behaviors with physicians and partners and discomfort discussing condom use). It is also important for physicians to assess older patients' risk."

Older men may not have gotten the memo about wearing a condom. In their randy youth, condoms were used for birth control; now they are vital disease control devices. Your father could become infected and/or infect his partners.

Onto his sluttiness. There is not much you can (or should) do about his choice to sleep around. The women he is seeing may also be mutually consenting (slutty) elders, and while this prospect isn't quite what you want for your dear dad -- it is what it is and you may have to accept it and only remind him to speak to his doctor about his risks.

Sexual promiscuity can be a sign of depression, however. If you feel he is out of control, you must do your best to urge him toward a mental health evaluation.

DEAR AMY: I have been a creative needleworker all my adult life. I have earned a fair amount of income selling to others.

Recently a new member of our church who is also a needleworker (and also sells her work) gave me one of her pieces as a thank you for something I'd done for her.

It is beautifully made and I'm sure would sell for a substantial amount of money, and I greatly appreciated the gesture.

However, it is absolutely nothing I would ever wear, so I did something awful: I removed some of her embellishments and now I like it a lot better!

I don't know what to do besides not wearing it to church functions (which may prompt her to ask why I am not!) What if I do wear it somewhere else someday and unexpectedly run into her?

It was so sweet (and quite unnecessary) of her to do this, and I don't want to diminish her generosity of spirit, but what can I say to her without ruining a nice relationship?-- Haunted by my (mis)deed

DEAR HAUNTED: Because you are an expert needleworker, you are in a unique position to understand the impact of your choice on your friend's creative ego.

If someone altered one of your pieces, how would you feel?

Sometimes the best way to handle a sticky situation is to admit the truth and throw yourself on the mercy of the court: "I am so touched and grateful for your generosity! I absolutely love the sweater. But I also have a confession to make: I removed some embellishments, and I hope that's OK with you."

DEAR AMY: I enjoyed reading some of your "best of" columns during your week off. My favorite line: "They call it work for a reason. If jobs were more fun they'd be called 'Steve.'"

I got some ribbing about this at work.-- Steve

DEAR STEVE: I'm happy to say I still think of my work as the ultimate "Steve."

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Mar 18, 2014
1- Something tells me your worry of an std is a front. I think you are really concerned that your father is dishonoring your mother's memory. How do you know so much about his sex life anyway? Stay out of his business, he's a grown man

2- Don't say anything to her. I don't think making a few alterations to clothing that was a gift is any big deal

3- I'd never heard this saying, but think it's stupid
Cass

Claremont, CA

#3 Mar 18, 2014
LW1 - "I know it is none of my business, but I am actually frightened that these women he met online who so easily jump into bed with him will leave him with an STD."

"He's quite headstrong and rarely listens to me; what should I do?"

(1) Right. This is none of your business. He is an adult. You can voice your concerns once, but then you have to let it go and let your father manage his sex life on his own.

(2) It's the women who jump into bed with him so easily? What about him? He, apparently, jumps into bed with them easily too, so stop sounding so holier-than-though and judgmental about "these women."

(3) He is as likely to leave them with an STD as they are to leave him with an STD, especially since he seems to be quite promiscuous (three women at the same time), but you have no idea how promiscuous or monogamous those women are. Since none of them know about each other, each might believe that she happens to be in a monogamous relationship. If one of them passes on an STD to him, he is, apparently spreading it around quite happily.

(4) Most STDs are treatable. I'd be more worried that if he is elderly, he'd have a heart attack while being amorous.

End of rant.

LW2 - I got nothing.

LW3 - Sounds stupid.
blunt advice

New York, NY

#4 Mar 18, 2014
1. I'm not sure on the riles of how many people you have to date before officially being a slot but I would think the number is above 3. And how do you know he is having sex with these 3 women? Is he leading them on to believe they are the only ones? Maybe he fears attachment again. Also if he raised a daughter then he is aware that STDs exist. MYOB.

2. what Amy said. Or tell her something accidentally got on it and you couldn't get the stain out so you fixed it. Or it didn't fit so you gave it to someone who it did fit, gave it to someone who really liked it. I dunno, I really hate fancy gaudy clothes. Give me plain old slenderizing black.

3. Zzzzzzzzzz

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Mar 18, 2014
1."...but he's currently courting three women, none of whom know about each other."

Courting? How quaint.

None of whom know about each other? How do you know?

And how do you know he is sleeping with all of them?

Pretend he is a teenaged boy. Buy him a book about safe sex, get a 12 pack of condoms, lubricated, and then start saving for his funeral. An older guy who is servicing 3 women on a regular basis will soon run out of steam.

If your inheritance is not grabbed by a gold digger he will use it up for Viagra..

This is is not your business. Given the attitude you display in your letter, I wouldn't listen to you either.

2. Don't tell her and don't wear it to church functions

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Mar 18, 2014
1 Let him have his fun, your not his mom.

2 While it is yours to do with as you like, If I made someone a nice jewelry box and they used it to bury their cat, I would be kinda pizzed.

3 Yay for you Steve, that was your 15 minutes of fame, hope you enjoyed them.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Mar 18, 2014
LW1: Old people sex Ö donít care and neither should you.

LW2: Just donít wear it to church.

LW3: Accountant humor...

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Mar 18, 2014
Lw1: Nunya. Additionally, how do you know he's having sex with ANY of them? Does not sound like a detail I would ne sharing with my children. Maybe he just keeps them in a rotation and goes out to have a companion for an evening of no strings attachef fun. Casino cruise with dolores on friday. Ballroom dancing with elanor on saturday. Gospel brunch with agnes on sunday.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Mar 18, 2014
L1: Be happy for him. Heck -- he's having fun and living. He's obviously telling you al this stuff b/c he's proud of it. Tell him to make sure to wrap it so he doesn't catch anything. Then if all this is still bothering you, tell him TMI and you're not interested in hearing about his love life next time he brings up the subject.

L2: It's obviously going to bother in for a long time. I think Amy has it right. Just be upfront about it. Maybe make something for her with the embellishments you took off and add some of your own. Tell her she inspirted you or some such b-s.

L3: Heh. So there are people who actually enjoy the rehashes? Yikes!
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#10 Mar 18, 2014
Is LW1 sure those women don't know about each other?(they may not even care.)
Glance into the Future on LW2:
She admitted the truth when:
(a) A strict Pharissee confronted her and the other needleworker about
making that church a house of merchandizing.
(b) she had one glass of wine too many
(c) the giver hurt her feelings and in a moment of anger she said what
she'd been hiding.
or
(d) other

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Mar 18, 2014
boundary painter wrote:
Is LW1 sure those women don't know about each other?(they may not even care.)
Glance into the Future on LW2:
She admitted the truth when:
(a) A strict Pharissee confronted her and the other needleworker about
making that church a house of merchandizing.
(b) she had one glass of wine too many
(c) the giver hurt her feelings and in a moment of anger she said what
she'd been hiding.
or
(d) other
Other! She decided to use the embellishments she took off as jewelry for her nose and mouth piercings.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#12 Mar 18, 2014
boundary painter wrote:
Is LW1 sure those women don't know about each other?(they may not even care.)
Glance into the Future on LW2:
She admitted the truth when:
(a) A strict Pharissee confronted her and the other needleworker about
making that church a house of merchandizing.
(b) she had one glass of wine too many
(c) the giver hurt her feelings and in a moment of anger she said what
she'd been hiding.
or
(d) other
She temporarily puts the embellishments back on and wears it to her church's ugly sweater Christmas party.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#13 Mar 18, 2014
1. Who cares. Let the poor guy live out the rest of his life with any STD that may come along from his lifestyle.

2. When someone gives you something it is yours to do with as you please.

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