“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jul 23, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter "Cindy," age 2, was being watched by her mommy's ex-sister-in-law and her sons. Cindy went to her mommy and said, "Bubby hurt me." Bubby is what she calls her 10-year-old cousin. Her mother called the police. A policeman spoke to her and said there wasn't enough evidence. Now my granddaughter is scared of men.

The police went and talked to the cousin who said he "accidentally touched her down there with her pull-up on." DCFS was called in, and again it was a man. We took Cindy to a female doctor and Cindy told the doctor everything that happened to her. Now she wakes up having nightmares and yells, "No, Bubby. Stop!"

What's a grandmother to do to help her? We need justice for Cindy.-- DISTRAUGHT GRANDMOTHER

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: You may need justice for Cindy, but what Cindy needs right now is professional help to get past the trauma of what was done to her. Contact the nearest rape treatment center, tell them everything you have told me and ask for their assistance in finding therapy for your grandchild. They hear stories like this all too often.

The boy who assaulted Cindy also needs counseling so that he won't/can't repeat what he did to her with another little girl. From my perspective, both of these children need professional help.

DEAR ABBY: For years I dated guys who I knew wanted a committed relationship, while I just wanted to have fun. I enjoyed being single and never saw myself getting married. My mom was married three times to men who abused her. It made the idea of marriage terrifying to me.

Through counseling, I have found healing from my past. I regret the damage I caused by leading guys on. Now that I want to be married, my life feels empty. While I used to enjoy my independence, I now want to share my experiences with someone.

Because of the counseling I have had, I know what I shouldn't settle for, but the only guys asking me out are sleazy. I feel like in some ways life was easier when I wanted to stay single. How do I find a healthy balance so I won't go back to my old ways or end up settling out of desperation?-- HEALED BUT CONFUSED

DEAR HEALED BUT CONFUSED: One way would be to continue the counseling. While you may want to be married now, desperation and neediness are not traits that attract worthwhile men.

You need to be prepared to take some time and find a balance in your life while you're looking for Mr. Right. Explore your own interests, make friends with members of both sexes, do some volunteering if you have the time. If you do, the chances of your meeting the right kind of man will improve because you will have more to offer.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Jul 23, 2014
1- stop saying her mommy, it's unnerving, say her mother

2- good guys don't want to marry the former town wh0 re

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Jul 23, 2014
1 Cant pass judgement, but I find it hard to believe a child of 2 was so traumatized over a single incident.
Oh, and thanks LW for pointing out all these apparent failures of justice were caused by men. I dont believe that either, as the po-po have an arsenal of counselors for this.

2 So you were carefree and happy then you got roped into therapy and now you are miserable? Another example of why shrinks are bad.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Jul 23, 2014
...We took Cindy to a female doctor and Cindy told the doctor everything that happened to her.

??? And? What did the female doctor say?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Jul 23, 2014
LW1: Both kids need serious professional help, and Cindy needs to be kept away from that boy.

LW2: If only sleezy guys are asking you out, then maybe you need to figure out why you only attract sleazy men. Bottom feeders will go after anyone who makes eye contact with them.

Keep in mind that unless you are spectacular and just an amazing catch (which given your issues with men and the fact that you needed therapy to figure out how to interact with them and trust them, doesn’t sound to be the case) and accomplished yourself, men who are not sleazy and that women find desirable probably aren’t going to trip over themselves to get to your mega-awesome special princessness just because you finally decided to bestow the gift upon all men of being open to one of them maybe possibility having a serious relationship with you, if they are the super lucky chosen one. They probably have plenty of options themselves.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease sometimes. So don’t be afraid to let men of quality who you are interested in know that you are interested in them.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Jul 23, 2014
LW1 I don't dismiss the possibility of sexual abuse of a 2 year old, BUT
this is reported as a single touch, over a diaper by a 10 year old..

LW's tone sounds like panic or hysteria. It is an ex-sister in law, it is men who disbelieve the child, as Edog notes, it is mommy rather than mother.

I am also not sure if a 2 year old knows the good touch vs bad touch difference yet.

To me it sounds like the kids were playing and the 10 year old used the "crotch punch" stunt without any sexual connotations. That would plausibly explain "Bubby hurt me".

Bubby needs to be disciplined by his parents about touching and hitting or poking. 2 year olds take their clue from grownups. It is LW who needs counseling.

I just hope that LW is not the babysitter now.

FWIW we used a female pediatrician. A good non nonsense woman who would not have put up with LW.

L2 Dating is not like going to the grocery store and picking up something for dinner. Took you this long to learn? I agree, stay in counseling
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#7 Jul 23, 2014
1: Yes get help for the little girl. As for the 10 year old cousin, he needs help but from my experience I wonder how much that helps. I know the kid is only 10. Perhaps he himself has been abused. If that's the case, it would seem his abuse is being ignored. My husbands 13 year old nephew abused our 5 year old daughter. We walked in on him so we know. He supposedly had therapy for years. His grandparents brought him back to our house when he was 18 and he apologized and said he was a "dumb kid" back then and wanted our forgiveness. I forgave him but wished him out of our lives. I wish I had taken a stand and told my in-laws to get back in their car and drive the miscreant back to their house 2 hours away. They had not even called to ask permission to bring him and they knew what he'd done. Our second daughter was 5 at the time and the jerk abused her as well when I went inside to bring more food out. All those people sitting there knowing his history and yet he managed to get her alone. Yet I'm the bad guy because I told my husband his parents should not have brought him without our permission. The nephew is a pedophile and all the therapy in the world didn't "cure" him. You see me as a very cynical person in this kind of situation. I wouldn't trust someone who'd sexually abused a child no matter how much therapy he'd had. They so often give the appearance of "Mr. Nice Guy" who everyone loves and trusts. This nephew, for example, spouts the gospel and was "born again." Right. All the better to get access to the little girls.
Community Disorganizer

Florham Park, NJ

#8 Jul 23, 2014
More moronic advise from Abby

LW 1: Granny, it sounds like your entire family are nuts.

LW 2: Your big mistake is going to counseling in the first place. Don’t listen to Abby, those leeches have sucked enough money out of you; Just go back to your old ways.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Jul 23, 2014
PEllen wrote:
L2 Dating is not like going to the grocery store and picking up something for dinner.
What's it like, then?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Jul 23, 2014
It's like paying for a Mahi sandwich and learning that you only got Talapia.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>What's it like, then?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#11 Jul 23, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>What's it like, then?
A store has just opened in New York City that offered free husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors to choose from. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims.“I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 71,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that you are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

The store’s owner also opened a Wife Store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited....

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Jul 23, 2014
Didn't any of the people here ever go through a childhood phase of exploring bodies and "playing doctor"? That used to be called normal and developmentally appropriate not a sex offense.

Didn't anyone here ever lash out or kick out into someone's groin? My kid sister did that to one of our brother's friends when she was about 4 or 5 and he was about 6 or 7. She was being teased and wanted it to stop in no uncertain terms.

My concern here is that a 10 year old hurt a 2 year old, not that we have a pedophile here.

There is a difference between being properly protective of a toddler and having a predisposition to having a dirty mind.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 Jul 23, 2014
Pippa wrote:
1: Yes get help for the little girl. As for the 10 year old cousin, he needs help but from my experience I wonder how much that helps. I know the kid is only 10. Perhaps he himself has been abused. If that's the case, it would seem his abuse is being ignored. My husbands 13 year old nephew abused our 5 year old daughter. We walked in on him so we know. He supposedly had therapy for years. His grandparents brought him back to our house when he was 18 and he apologized and said he was a "dumb kid" back then and wanted our forgiveness. I forgave him but wished him out of our lives. I wish I had taken a stand and told my in-laws to get back in their car and drive the miscreant back to their house 2 hours away. They had not even called to ask permission to bring him and they knew what he'd done. Our second daughter was 5 at the time and the jerk abused her as well when I went inside to bring more food out. All those people sitting there knowing his history and yet he managed to get her alone. Yet I'm the bad guy because I told my husband his parents should not have brought him without our permission. The nephew is a pedophile and all the therapy in the world didn't "cure" him. You see me as a very cynical person in this kind of situation. I wouldn't trust someone who'd sexually abused a child no matter how much therapy he'd had. They so often give the appearance of "Mr. Nice Guy" who everyone loves and trusts. This nephew, for example, spouts the gospel and was "born again." Right. All the better to get access to the little girls.
Illinois has a Sexually Dangerous persons statute. Someone who has been convicted of a sex crime and has finished their sentence is evaluated to determine if he is likley to re-offend. Some really scary actuarial and psychological analyses go into that prediction, but if the court can be convinced, the guy is locked up civilly, i.e. the loony bin, until he is no longer a danger to society

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