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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Apr 9, 2014
DEAR AMY: I am a 17-year-old gay male, and I was raised in a Latter-day Saints family. A few months ago, I came out to my close friend "Renee." She took it well, and she continued to ask questions about my being gay in a Mormon family.

She later told me that keeping my sexuality a secret because of my religion was "taking the easy way out." I was very offended, but I patiently explained to her that living with this secret is anything but easy.

Since then, she has continued to make similar comments, and I cannot bear her negativity anymore.

I have tried to ease out of this friendship, but it has proven difficult because we are involved in the same activities and work together as board members for some clubs.

As I prepare to come out, I would like to only be surrounded by people who love and support me. How can I move out of this friendship?-- Want to Exit

DEAR WANT: The best way to move out of this friendship is to (metaphorically, anyway) have your bags packed and the car idling, as you back away slowly and then basically beat feet down the driveway.

Eventually, and in retrospect, you may find this sort of busybody interference about your deepest motives endearing on some level because, well, "Renee" has really put a lot of thought and theorizing into your personal life. She cares, way too much.

The way to end a friendship is to stop sharing intimacies and behave politely when you are forced together. If she questions this, tell her that you don't like her second-guessing your motives about something so deep, personal and important.

When you are ready to come out, you will. It would be nice to be only surrounded by loving and supportive people, but life doesn't always work that way, partly because the Renees of the world are out there throughout your life. If they cannot be avoided, then they must be endured -- at least every five years, at your high school reunion.

DEAR AMY: I've been dating a guy for a year and think the world of him. The problem is that I don't like his teenage children at all. They are rude and disrespectful to me.

He sees them once a week and every other weekend, and I try to make myself scarce during those times.

They try to control when he sees me by refusing to come over when I'm at his place, and manipulate him at every opportunity through guilt and tears. We were going to live together, but I chose to get my own place so I could have a bolt hole from that stress.

I want to be with him but can't handle the games the kids play. My things go missing when they are there; my fish died coincidentally during their visit; they complain about me and totally ignore me and my child.

He won't hear one negative word about his children; he thinks they are angels. They aren't.

Is there hope for this relationship when the kids are trying hard to sabotage us?-- Don't Want BS

DEAR BS: There is no hope for a full-time relationship. Furthermore, it is a challenge to understand how you can "think the world" of someone who is such a terrible parent and who obviously has no interest in blending your families peacefully together. This is completely fixable, but not without a commitment on his part to at least try.

You might think that all of this will settle down once the kids get older and leave the house, but it won't. In fact, this negative dynamic will get worse because the adults involved refuse to deal with it now.

DEAR AMY: "My Office Problem" felt bullied by a scent-sensitive co-worker who always blamed her symptoms on her. I don't think she realizes how horrible this affliction is. For instance, Problem reported putting lotion on at 5 a.m. and doubting that this bothered her co-worker at the end of the day.

This is completely possible!-- Also Scent Sensitive

DEAR SENSITIVE: Absolutely. But the dynamic between the two co-workers had become more toxic than the scent sensitivity.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Detroit, MI

#2 Apr 9, 2014
1- How typical, he wants to disassociate with someone who doesn't think like him

2- He needs to stand up to his children and not allow them to dictate his life. But it doesn't sound like that is going to happen. So unfortunately, looks like the kids win. Move on.

3- If my lotion is offensive to you, that's your problem, not mine

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Apr 9, 2014
1 I bet one of those clubs is the DRAMA club. You are so full of yourself, and I bet your friend is at least partially correct in her assessment

2 WTF the fish died? Oh, and your final comment is that you also have a child? You are very young, probably less than a decade older than his kids, which explains a lot of the dynamics. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and move along.

3 All scents should be banned. It will make the dogs go crazy..

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Apr 9, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 I bet one of those clubs is the DRAMA club. You are so full of yourself, and I bet your friend is at least partially correct in her assessment
2 WTF the fish died? Oh, and your final comment is that you also have a child? You are very young, probably less than a decade older than his kids, which explains a lot of the dynamics. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and move along.
3 All scents should be banned. It will make the dogs go crazy..
1.Team Race- does any gay person seriously think that it will be all parades, hugs and parties when they come out? This kid is seriously naive
2.Team Race. Yep. The fact that only mentions her own child as a by the way , and calls her apartment for her to get away not mentioning her kid does not bode well for anyone
3.Team Race. Sniff

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Detroit, MI

#5 Apr 9, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
1.Team Race- does any gay person seriously think that it will be all parades, hugs and parties when they come out?
The way gay "rights" have been portrayed in the state-run media, I would think yes
blunt advice

Morris Plains, NJ

#6 Apr 9, 2014
1 end friendship graduallygradually
2 end relationship now
3. Original lw was from a small family busoness. Whiny employee about scents had it in for the lw. But was a friend or relative who would be there till the walls crumble. In that case it is best to look for another job. In a family business unless you are family or friend or boss banger you are in a dead end with no opportunity to advance.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#7 Apr 9, 2014
RACE wrote:
3 All scents should be banned. It will make the dogs go crazy..
Ha! I really loved this! ;-)

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#8 Apr 9, 2014
1. Oh poor me, I'm so put upon, I can't stand how awful Renee is, but I can't get away from her. Shut up already. If you can't stand up to a supposed friend, how are you ever going to "come out". Will you be writing to Amy in a year about how mean all those Mormons are being to you.

2. You're a total loser. I hope the guy dumps you before you mess up his life even more than you already have. Btw, he's only staying with you for the sex.

3. Quit whining, just wear an oxygen mask to work. Why does everyone else have to accommodate you? Are you really that special.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Apr 9, 2014
LW1: He's dreaming about his coming out the same way teenage girls dream about their wedding. Newsflash! It never turns out the way you dream it will, buddy.

Your relationship with this person will end after you come out and your LDS parents kick you out of the house and you have to move to another town or perhaps even to another state.

LW2: "Is there hope for this relationship when the kids are trying hard to sabotage us?"

No. Move along.

LW3: So what do you propose we do? Because EVERYTHING has a scent, even the "unscented" stuff, and a lot of us have dry skin.
blunt advice

Plainfield, NJ

#10 Apr 9, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
3. Quit whining, just wear an oxygen mask to work. Why does everyone else have to accommodate you? Are you really that special.
Agree. If you are entitled you can make your workplace allergy free but can't do that in stores, banks and other public places. If you are really that sick go see a frigging doctor and go on disability if you can't be cured. But in the original letter the sick person had entitlement and could get away with harassing the lw.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Apr 9, 2014
L1: "As I prepare to come out, I would like to only be surrounded by people who love and support me. How can I move out of this friendship?" I don't think this is a cop-out nor a dream -- I think it's smart b/c he's probably terrified that when he does come out his family and acquaintances will reject him. I can totally understand this. Plus, he's only 17.

L2: The problem isn't the teenage children, it's the guy who doesn't insist that the children respect you. It's been a year and a half. It's probably never going to happen. I'd move on.

L3: There is a way to approach this subject with coworkers without making them feel harrassed. Sounds like they don't get along -- period -- not that the only problem is about smelling scents.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#12 Apr 9, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
<quoted text>
Agree. If you are entitled you can make your workplace allergy free but can't do that in stores, banks and other public places. If you are really that sick go see a frigging doctor and go on disability if you can't be cured. But in the original letter the sick person had entitlement and could get away with harassing the lw.
Well said.

:)
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#13 Apr 9, 2014
How old is Renee and does she have a crush on LW1?

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#14 Apr 9, 2014
Just read this on another thread:

Before you post remember:

"You have the right to post or to remain silent. If you decide to post, anything you post can and will be held against you on Topix for years to come. You have the right to speak to stalkers, harassers, or other trolls. If you do not have trolls and/or stalkers, some will be appointed for you. If you are easily offended and/or get your feelings hurt, do not post. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Apr 9, 2014
LW1: She wants you to come out, you are planning to come out, so what’s the big deal, drama queen.

LW2: No hope.

LW3: That’s your problem, not the worlds problem. You deal with it.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#16 Apr 9, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
Just read this on another thread:
Before you post remember:
"You have the right to post or to remain silent. If you decide to post, anything you post can and will be held against you on Topix for years to come. You have the right to speak to stalkers, harassers, or other trolls. If you do not have trolls and/or stalkers, some will be appointed for you. If you are easily offended and/or get your feelings hurt, do not post. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"
Awesome! And we have recently learned that things ARE pulled up for years to come!!!

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#17 Apr 9, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
Awesome! And we have recently learned that things ARE pulled up for years to come!!!
So I've noticed in my various "travels" through Topix land.

:)

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#18 Apr 9, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
<quoted text>
So I've noticed in my various "travels" through Topix land.
:)
It's sort of pathetic and sasd, actually, that people can actually find that stuff!!!

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#19 Apr 9, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
It's sort of pathetic and sad, actually, that people can actually find that stuff!!!
Or that they actually take the time to do so. Guess having no real life explains it.

:)

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#23 Apr 9, 2014
LW1- Toj for the win!

LW2- this guy only sees his teenagers twice a week. His girlfriend, who does not live there, says that she tries to make herself scarce when they are over. Um, why is she intruding on his time with his kids to begin with? It's one thing to see them occasionally or for special events, but I would bet that they grew resentful of her trying to get between them and their father when she had just started dating him. By now, they want nothing to do with her.

Yes, the father should set some ground rules, including that his children be civil and respectful to his girlfriend and any of his friends. Still, I would bet that she made a bunch of missteps at the beginning of her relationship with their father that are going to be hard to overcome.

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