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1 - 9 of 9 Comments Last updated Mar 4, 2014

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Mar 4, 2014
 
DEAR AMY: A friend and former co-worker of mine recently changed her Facebook profile picture to a full body shot of herself lying in bed, wearing a camisole and panties and staring seductively up into the camera. Although all the essential things are covered up, the tone is pretty obvious.

This is not the first time she has done this; in fact many of her pictures are selfies in various states of undress. She's the same age as me, and doing well in school for a future career in a highly respected medical field.

Given the nature of the Internet, these photos will almost certainly come back to haunt her later. On a deeper level, I'm concerned this might be a cry for the wrong type of attention. I worry that she must be hurting on some level and correcting for it in an ultimately self-detrimental manner.

It would almost certainly be condescending of me to say this to her; we're not terribly close anymore and haven't seen each other in months. Is there a tactful way I can address my concerns with her, or should I just trust she can take care of herself?-- Not 'Liking' This

DEAR NOT LIKING: Facebook is by nature a public medium that invites reaction. I have seen people "comment" about photos: "I can't believe you posted this" or "You should take this down."

Given that you are no longer close with this woman, you are in the perfect position to at least express your views to her, without worrying about the impact on your (distant) relationship. To avoid embarrassing her you could do this through a private message: "I worry about the racy photos you post because I think they could come back to haunt you in unintended ways."

Your analysis of her motivations may be correct, but you should keep this theory to yourself.

DEAR AMY: I am a 20-year-old in a transitional time in my life. As I get older, it has become apparent that some of the friendships I have held onto are toxic.

I come to you with two issues: drinking and money. Many people my age drink. The results can be frightening. Last weekend I was at a party where a guy "friend" of mine was being super-protective of a girl he had brought with him. He didn't want her to talk to another guy. One guy didn't like this and got angry. Then my "friend" punched a hole in the wall and threatened to kill himself in front of me and my boyfriend. We calmed him down, but I don't want to be around this heavy drinking anymore.

I come from a financially stable and supportive family, whereas many of my friends do not. They sometimes respond by teasing, making angry remarks and mooching.

One of my friends asked to keep a pair of pants I had left at her house. When I said "no" and asked for them back, she "lost" them. Eventually, after I had gotten angry, I got my pants back, but then she hit me up for money.

How do I set up boundaries or lose these people as friends?-- Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED: This is a fairly common issue at your age and stage. People mature at different rates. Some of your cohorts will settle down eventually, while others will continue to binge drink and act out and -- figuratively or actually -- punch holes in walls.

You cannot necessarily control or even influence these people. You can only distance yourself from people who deplete and/or frighten you and move toward people who share your more stable and mature way of life. People who use or abuse you (or others) don't get to hang out with you.

DEAR AMY: I hope your response to "Not on Vacation" was meant to be sarcastic. You suggested this woman use "passive aggression" to communicate with her mother. What terrible advice!-- Disappointed

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Many other readers objected to my suggestion that this daughter should respond to her mother with "a combination of stiff upper lip, passive aggression and humor." I was hoping the emphasis would be on the humor.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#2
Mar 4, 2014
 
1 MYOB. Well, send me a link first, then MYOB!

2 Hmmmm, why did you leave your pants at your friends house? How did you get home without them? Uh-huh, somebody got plastered that night...

3 Oh, GTFU! If your going to bash lamy, at least make it on a valid point, not something as stupid as that.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#3
Mar 4, 2014
 
1- Holy wow. Who the fk cares about the selfies you're friends post? MYOB

2- So you're saying you now think you're too good for these people? Okay, so find new friends but get off your high horse

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

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#4
Mar 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

Is it just me but do all 3 LW's today need to have the broomsticks styck up ..places removed?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#5
Mar 4, 2014
 
LW1: Since you don't care what this person thinks, tell them what you really think. Of course, be prepared to get a nasty response and an unfriending.

LW2: Change playgrounds and your playfriends will automatically change too.

LW3: Passive agressive works for me and my mom. <mimishrug>

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#6
Mar 4, 2014
 
LW1: Actually, as of now, you can make most everything on your facebook private and available only to your friends. Regardless, MYOB and stop trying to be the facebook police.

LW2: Find new friends. And I agree with Squishy about the venue.

LW3: Amys advice almost always sucks. If folks called her out on it every time, wed have 2 rehashes every day that involved calling Amy out for poor advice and only one new letter.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

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#7
Mar 4, 2014
 
L1: Butt out.

L2: What squishy said.

L3: Amy hates when people call her on stuff. <giggle>
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

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#8
Mar 4, 2014
 
Team Squishy and PEllen.

For fun, who wants to play "Glance at the Future" on LW3?

"Not on Vacation" solved the problem by:

(a) saying "I disagree" to what she didn't agree with
(b) making herself available only three or four hours a day maximum
and holding her ground
(c) relegating requests to others
or
(d) other
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#9
Mar 4, 2014
 
LW1: I have a FB friend who posts racy pictures of herself, too. People who do this, IMHO, are seeking validation. I also have a photographer friend who posted a couple of pics of one of her nude models on FB, which I thought was uncool. But what other people post on FB is their business, and I think it's best to stay out of it.

LW2: I've said this many times: Young people do not know how to drink. Learn how to sip your drinks and maintain. As to your friends, I think you need some new ones. If/when you hang out with the old ones, leave the party early before all of the drama starts.

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