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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Dec 26, 2012
DEAR ABBY: Please help save my marriage. My wife of five years discovered an Internet browser history of 13 Web pages I had clicked on the previous day. The pages were of women's sexy lips. My wife is calling it "porn" and a "gateway to porn." I feel guilty about it, but I told her it isn't pornography. I think it's a fetish. She says I'm using that word to get off the hook.

Will you please tell her that this probably is a fetish? Our sex life has not been the same since she discovered the images on the computer. What can we do about it in a way that will strengthen our marriage?-- NOT GUILTY AS CHARGED

DEAR NOT GUILTY: It's a shame you and your wife hadn't discussed what turns you on before she checked your browser history. A fetish is any object that turns someone on, and it can range from large breasts, to stiletto heels, to leather or rubber items of clothing, to full red lips. It is not pornography.

A way to strengthen your marriage would be for you to buy her a tube of bright red lipstick. And a way for her to improve your sex life would be to put it on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl with a sister and a brother. I was recently told by my dad that I have to teach my brother how to read, but the problem is he has a learning disability and a behavior disorder. I don't know how I'm supposed to teach him to read, and it scares me.

On top of that, my dad got mad at my sister and me and said that when we were younger we were just like my brother, only worse. He said he was close to giving up on us. Sometimes Dad says we're worthless, stupid and asks why we're even in this world. He says we're not good for anything.

I have a slight form of autism, so I'm sort of slow doing certain things other kids do at my age. I feel like I'll never be as smart as anyone else, and I have no clue how I'm going to teach my disabled brother to read. Help!-- LOST, ALONE AND WORRIED IN URBANA, ILL.

DEAR LOST: It would be wonderful if you could teach your learning disabled brother how to read, but you are not equipped to do that. Your brother should be in a special education class with a teacher who has the specialized training -- and, possibly, a tutor.

Sometimes, when parents are extremely stressed or angry they can say things they don't mean without thinking of the lasting effect their words can have on a child. You are neither worthless nor stupid. You are an intelligent girl. Frankly, your father appears to be in need of some help, and I hope you will share with a counselor at your school what you have told me.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son is refusing to wear a bicycle helmet because he has decided it's "uncool." My husband and I have always worn them, but here in Texas many people don't. There's no state law requiring it.

I know how devastating the effects of a head injury can be and I want to prevent my son from getting one. How can I help my teenager see that protecting his brain is more important than looking "cool" to his friends who don't wear them? My son insists I am ... AN OVERPROTECTIVE MOM

DEAR OVERPROTECTIVE MOM: Contact your son's pediatrician and ask if he or she can facilitate a tour of a rehabilitation facility that treats people with traumatic brain injuries. If that doesn't convince your son, nothing will.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Dec 26, 2012
1- I've kinda got a unibrow fetish myself.

2- Honey, we're all worthless and stupid and have no idea why we're in this world. Deal.

3- No adult today has ever worn a bicycle helmet as children and guess what? WE'RE ALL FINE!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#3 Dec 26, 2012
And another thing, people with brain injuries should not be displayed as animals in a zoo. No rehabilitation facility worth its salt in the world should allow you to take a tour!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Dec 26, 2012
LW1: Tell her to start using hers and you won';t have to look at others.

LW3: "Contact your son's pediatrician and ask if he or she can facilitate a tour of a rehabilitation facility that treats people with traumatic brain injuries. "

Really? Maybe its just me, but it seems like these advice columnists expect a whole lot from doctors. Its not enough to give them medical care, but now they are expected to set up field trips? Really? You can't get your kid in line so now you want me to take time out of my day to set up a scared straight walk thru the trauma unit? I would never bother my kid's doctor wit ha request like this. The most I could ever think of doing is ask if he had any contact information he could give me so I could inquire myself.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5 Dec 26, 2012
L1: "Get off the hook"? You're entitled to look at porn. Tell her to back off.

L2: Your dad is a worthless piece of crap. Kill him for the insurance money before you get old enough to be tried as an adult.

l3: lame advice from Abby. Mom, you have the power here. Take away his bike. Duh.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Dec 26, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
And another thing, people with brain injuries should not be displayed as animals in a zoo. No rehabilitation facility worth its salt in the world should allow you to take a tour!
My condo was next door to a small rehab facility for adults with brain injuries. No way, no how would they have allowed someone to come in for a "scared straight" tour.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Dec 26, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
3- No adult today has ever worn a bicycle helmet as children and guess what? WE'RE ALL FINE!
Except for the ones who were involved in an accident or got knocked off their bike and got a head injury. I was against mandatory bike helmets for kids until I read how much damage can occur just from a kid falling off his bike and his head hitting the pavement. It's just not worth the life-long debilitating injuries that can result.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Dec 26, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
l3: lame advice from Abby. Mom, you have the power here. Take away his bike. Duh.
She has little actual power(same as every parent) to enforce this. Unless she has spies all over the neighborhood reporting back to her, the fact that he rides away from the house wearing it is no guarantee that its still on his head after he turns the corner.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#9 Dec 26, 2012
LW3's signature tells as much as the letter. The teenager is breaking loose from an overprotective parent. Life is risk.

Try this. If helmets aren't cool, make it cool.Ask one of the bike messengers in your town who customizes helmets. There is a guy in the Loop who looks like a cross betwen a mutant and an insect in his helmet. Scary to look at. Neat guy if you ride the elevator with him.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Dec 26, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>She has little actual power(same as every parent) to enforce this. Unless she has spies all over the neighborhood reporting back to her, the fact that he rides away from the house wearing it is no guarantee that its still on his head after he turns the corner.
Good point. My mom wasn't allowed to wear miniskirts, so once she was away from the house in the morning on her way to school, she'd roll her skirt up at the waist.

Or like girls who put on forbidden makeup once they're at school.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#11 Dec 26, 2012
That's right, Tonka. You're very intuitive sometimes.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Dec 26, 2012
PEllen wrote:
LW3's signature tells as much as the letter. The teenager is breaking loose from an overprotective parent. Life is risk.
Try this. If helmets aren't cool, make it cool.Ask one of the bike messengers in your town who customizes helmets. There is a guy in the Loop who looks like a cross betwen a mutant and an insect in his helmet. Scary to look at. Neat guy if you ride the elevator with him.
Interesting idea. It also serves to highlight how different one town is from another. Bike messenger? Chicago, maybe. New York.

Orlando? No such animal that I've ever seen. Too much sprawl. Hell my company has its own inhouse courrier going between locations. No possibility in hell that he would be able to make his daily rounds using a bike.

Unless you're in a big city with concentrated population(or at least a concentrated business district, I just don't see much use for a bike courier.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Dec 26, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Interesting idea. It also serves to highlight how different one town is from another. Bike messenger? Chicago, maybe. New York.
Orlando? No such animal that I've ever seen. Too much sprawl. Hell my company has its own inhouse courrier going between locations. No possibility in hell that he would be able to make his daily rounds using a bike.
Unless you're in a big city with concentrated population(or at least a concentrated business district, I just don't see much use for a bike courier.
Even in the Twin cities, we have bike couriers but only for interdowntown messenger service--the bike messengers stay in one city, they don't work in both Mpls and St. Paul on the same day. Otherwise, all couriers are vehicles.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#14 Dec 26, 2012
1. Tell your wife to get with the 21st century. If you want to indulge your harmless fetish, go for it.

2. Your father is a shytehead.

3. No, you don't get to go see the poor brain-damaged folks like animals at the zoo.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Dec 26, 2012
LW1: Your marriage must not be that important to you if you're asking Abby to help save it.

And you're wife must have grown up in a cave if she can equate the pictures you're describing with porn. She's really just upset that you seem unsatisfied with what she has to offer and have to look at other women for some type of sexual gratification.

Work with the lipstick angle, although I don't think it's going to help you much.

LW2: "Sometimes, when parents are extremely stressed or angry they can say things they don't mean without thinking of the lasting effect their words can have on a child."

Sorry, Abby, this dad is such an assh*le that he really means it.

Poor kid needs to talk to someone at her school. No way should she be burdened like this.

LW3: PEllen's idea is good, except that it won't be able to help this mom. At the least, she needs to repeatedly point out that professional bike riders, street, oval, bmx, trick, bike messengers, wear helmets.
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#16 Dec 26, 2012
squishymama wrote:
Sorry, Abby, this dad is such an assh*le that he really means it.
Poor kid needs to talk to someone at her school. No way should she be burdened like this.
My wonder, reading between the lines of the letter, is whether this family is home-schooling. That would make the father's (cruel) statements about almost giving up on the girls make more sense, as well as the order for the girl to teach her brother to read.

It just sounds like there's something more about the dysfunction here that makes me wonder if the girl doesn't have access to such resources as outside adults at school.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#17 Dec 26, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
My wonder, reading between the lines of the letter, is whether this family is home-schooling. That would make the father's (cruel) statements about almost giving up on the girls make more sense, as well as the order for the girl to teach her brother to read.
It just sounds like there's something more about the dysfunction here that makes me wonder if the girl doesn't have access to such resources as outside adults at school.
That's a very good theory. And very sad.:(

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#18 Dec 26, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
My wonder, reading between the lines of the letter, is whether this family is home-schooling. That would make the father's (cruel) statements about almost giving up on the girls make more sense, as well as the order for the girl to teach her brother to read.
It just sounds like there's something more about the dysfunction here that makes me wonder if the girl doesn't have access to such resources as outside adults at school.
I think you could be right about the homeschooling.

Makes it even worse for the poor thing. Too bad she can't find someone other than Abby to reach out to.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#19 Dec 26, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
My wonder, reading between the lines of the letter, is whether this family is home-schooling. That would make the father's (cruel) statements about almost giving up on the girls make more sense, as well as the order for the girl to teach her brother to read.
It just sounds like there's something more about the dysfunction here that makes me wonder if the girl doesn't have access to such resources as outside adults at school.
The letter is written from Urbana Illinois which is the big campus of teh University of Illinois. They have a lab schol for early childhood and education majors. My SIL majored in that 35 years ago and it was there at that time.

I wonder if the dad is with the University and is being academically competitive by proxy

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#20 Dec 26, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Except for the ones who were involved in an accident or got knocked off their bike and got a head injury. I was against mandatory bike helmets for kids until I read how much damage can occur just from a kid falling off his bike and his head hitting the pavement. It's just not worth the life-long debilitating injuries that can result.
Roller skating too. I don't know how little old so freaking well coordinated me managed to take so many falls on the sidewalk without hitting my head on the concrete. I survived, but I still don't know how I got through without a major head injury.

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