Posted in the Chicago Forum
“Not a real reg”
Since: Jan 13
#1 Jul 27, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, and it has been wonderful. He's amazing and sweet.
We went to the movies for our anniversary and about 50 minutes into it, he turned to me, said he didn't like the movie and he wanted to leave. I was enjoying it, but I didn't want to force him to watch it, so we left. When we were out of the theater I asked him why he didn't like it, and he told me he didn't want to discuss it. I pressured him for an answer a little bit, but he told me to forget it.
This has been bugging me. Should I leave it alone? I understand it's not that big a deal, but he has done this a few times before -- not explaining things when I ask. I am confused about why he won't tell me.-- PUZZLED IN THE MULTIPLEX
DEAR PUZZLED: There may have been something in the movie that made your boyfriend uncomfortable. Perhaps it triggered a memory of something in his past that he didn't want to be reminded of. Or, he may have been bored by the film and so centered on himself that he didn't care that you were enjoying it.
Your boyfriend may be wonderful and amazing, but he also appears to be a poor communicator. This would be a deal-breaker with some women. Only he can tell you why he's this way, but if he hasn't opened up in the year you have been seeing each other, it isn't likely to change.
DEAR ABBY: My husband has erectile dysfunction for which he takes medication. He gets it from a friend. I have discovered he takes the medication with him when he travels. He swears he isn't cheating on me and that he's faithful. Should I believe him?-- SUSPICIOUS IN ARIZONA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I confess, my knee-jerk reaction after reading your letter was, "Uh-oh!" Then I picked up the phone and called Bruce Landres, M.D., in Los Angeles. His first words were, "That's an interesting question." He then went on to say that if your husband has prostate problems in addition to his erectile dysfunction, you should believe him, because last October the FDA approved a low dose of one particular E.D. drug for the treatment of benign prostate hypertrophy (BPH).(This low dose is not enough to assist in infidelity.)
You should discuss this further with your husband because it would be much safer for him to get this kind of medication from his physician, who knows his medical history, since E.D. drugs can sometimes cause serious side effects.
P.S. Another thought: It's also possible your husband watches adult videos when he travels and needs "the pill" for his own entertainment. You'll never know unless you ask him.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law passed away five months ago. I was given the option of taking a winter coat of hers, which I gladly accepted. When would it be appropriate to wear it around my husband's family?-- STILL MOURNING IN WISCONSIN
DEAR STILL MOURNING: I'm sorry for your loss. The time to wear the coat would be when the temperature drops enough that you feel you need it. And when you do, if someone should recognize it and comment, just say you are wearing her coat because it helps you feel closer to her; it's like a warm hug from heaven.
Since: Jun 09
#2 Jul 27, 2013
Other reasons to leave a movie mid-stream and not talk about it:
He recognized his other current GF or his ex sitting 2 rows ahead.
I would have been skeptical about L2 except I am aware that the ED meds are used to treat all sorts of prostate and G-U issues , not just BPH
#3 Jul 27, 2013
LW1 - Ugh. Sorry, but this sounds awfully manipulative. You need to examine your patterns of interaction with your BF.
If you give in to his choices against your own on a regular basis, even if it is for minor things (where and what to eat, what movie or TV program to watch, etc.), you may want to rethink the matter of your BF being really amazing and sweet. In addition to that, he may also be a manipulator and a control freak, and you a doormat. After a year of dating, he should be comfortable telling you why his dislike of or unease with the movie were important enough to override your enjoyment of it.
#4 Jul 27, 2013
1: That's weird. If he's bored, say so. If he saw an ex, say so. "I don't want to discuss it" makes me think a scene gave him some traumatic flashback, which needs to be discussed!
2: Communicate. A real diagnosis so you know if he needs it always or not. If not, really start digging.
3: Um, the day you got it. Why not?
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#5 Jul 27, 2013
1- He saw an ex... boyfriend?
2- I like Abby's second option.
3- In winter.
“A Programmer is not in IT!”
Since: Feb 09
Neda, stay with me! Charlie
#6 Jul 27, 2013
1 Cant you quit haranguing him? I bet you ask that same question about everything. He's just tired of having to explain himself for the zillionth time.
Ok, thats probably not it, so it must be the movie. I dont do horror, too much real life crazy. Oh, and I wont watch a movie where the dog dies at the end either.
2 How about you show a little trust?
3 Never! Fur is dead animal flesh. What a horrid person you are.
#7 Jul 27, 2013
LW1: The behavior you describe is extremely controlling. Your BF may not consciously be trying to control you (in fact, I'll bet he's not) and if it happened just one time, I wouldn't think much of it. But according to you, it's a pattern. Big Honking Red Flag. But he's "amazing and sweet," so of course you'll continue to put up with it.
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