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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Feb 20, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mom in a serious relationship with a divorced man who has children of his own. Between us, we have seven, ranging in age from 7 to 17. I'm in my early 30s; he's in his early 50s.

My dilemma: I'm interested in having another child if we get married. He definitely isn't.

Is it unreasonable for me to want to add to this already large potential blended family? I love the idea of experiencing motherhood again with a little more experience and age under my belt, and I'd love to share that intimacy with him. While he likes the abstract possibility of "our" child, he says he feels too old now and he wouldn't be able to be the kind of father he would want to be.

If neither of us had kids of our own, this would be a deal-breaker for me, but how do I know if my maternal longings are just the last, painful tickings of my biological clock, or a real desire that I'll end up resenting him for if I ignore it and we stay together?-- IS SEVEN ENOUGH?

DEAR IS SEVEN ENOUGH?: Because your boyfriend is in his 50s and has made it clear that he isn't interested in becoming a father again, I think you should count your many blessings and consider that seven is a lucky number.
Godchild Can't Cheer Widower's Wedding

DEAR ABBY: My godmother passed away in January 2011. My godfather, "Jim," remarried last year. I am still mourning her loss and have not been able to get myself to call and speak to Jim, even though I did send him a congratulatory wedding card.

I love him. Jim is a wonderful, kind, attractive man. I knew it wouldn't be long before another woman would take an interest in him or he'd find love again. My siblings have tried to get me to make contact with him, but I'm still not ready to accept that he has moved on with another woman. Please advise me.-- CAN'T FACE IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAN'T FACE IT: I am sorry for your loss, and I'm sure your godmother will always live in your heart. However, if you love your godfather, you should be glad that he has been able to move forward in his life. That he was open to finding love again speaks volumes about the quality of the marriage he shared with your godmother.

Of course seeing Jim with someone else won't be easy for you, but it is sad that you would sacrifice the special relationship you have with him because you are reluctant to face reality. For both of your sakes, I hope you'll reconsider. If you do, you may find that you like the new lady in his life.
Finger Lickin' At The Table Turns Diner's Stomach

DEAR ABBY: Is it ever appropriate for a diner to lick his/her fingers in public, like when eating finger food or barbecue? It drives me nuts! I equate it to a cat cleaning itself.

When I try to get the person in question to use a napkin, I'm looked at as if I've lost my mind! At the very least, our hands are covered with germs, and who wants to stick them in their mouth? Yecch.-- GROSSED OUT IN OHIO

DEAR GROSSED OUT: I think it depends upon the circumstances in which the food is being served. If someone is eating canapes at a cocktail party, licking the fingers is a no-no. And most barbecue joints provide moist towelettes to their patrons.

On the other hand, Col. Sanders used to call his fried chicken "finger lickin' good." At a picnic or informal gathering, it's purr-fectly acceptable to lick one's fingers, and I confess this tabby has probably done it, so I'm not going to cast aspersions.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Feb 20, 2014
1 Your lucky you got this guy to accept what you got. abby is right, count your blessings.

2 Life is for the living, that said, tell the godfather to take the initiative and invite her to lunch.

3 MYOB! It's not all about you and your precious sensibilities. Bet you dont like your peas touching your potato's on your plate either. Baby!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Feb 20, 2014
Lw1: 7? Holy shit. If you keep pushing this, he'd be smart to run in the other direction. No way in hell I'd consider more kids at that age.

LW2: 3 yrs? Really? My godmother is a family friend that I have not seen in over 20 years. She could be dead and I would not know. Hell, I would have to ask my parenrs what her ladt name is cause I have no idea.

LW3: Get the stick out your ass or stop going to BBQ joints.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Feb 20, 2014
1- Whorecon 2. Something tells me a majority of these seven kids are yours. You should have thought about this before hooking up with a guy 20 yrs your senior. Unless you were born with that desire. Then he should suck it up and give you whatever you want, because you can't help the way you were born

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Feb 20, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW2: 3 yrs? Really? My godmother is a family friend that I have not seen in over 20 years. She could be dead and I would not know. Hell, I would have to ask my parenrs what her ladt name is cause I have no idea.
2 years, they've been married for a year. She must be pretty close to her godparents

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Feb 20, 2014
LW1: Only you can decide.

LW2: Itís not like he got married right away. So, Iím not sure what the problem is. Itís not all about you.

LW3: I wouldnít, but I also think you cross the line when you ask folks to use a napkin instead. I bet you wash your hands 150 times a day. MYOB.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Feb 20, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- Whorecon 2. Something tells me a majority of these seven kids are yours. You should have thought about this before hooking up with a guy 20 yrs your senior. Unless you were born with that desire. Then he should suck it up and give you whatever you want, because you can't help the way you were born
If she had kids within marriage, even if 6 of them are hers, you have no basis for calling her names, even by your standards.

FWIW a lot of guys I know have kids when they are in their late 40's early 50's. It cool that he doesn;t want any more but it is not unusual if they did.

You are off base here.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#8 Feb 20, 2014
LW2 is way too attached to Jim.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#9 Feb 20, 2014
Don't people normally date for about two years, decide to get engaged, and are engaged for a year or two as they make wedding plans? So to get married two years after your wife's death, does seem a little quick.

But I'll reserve judgement because there are likely other factors here. Like age. I'll assume he's elderly. Maybe wife was sick for a long time, maybe this new wife has been an old friend?

Now if the dude was in his thirties and moved this quickly, then I'd agree he isn't being too respectful to his dead wife

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#10 Feb 20, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
If she had kids within marriage, even if 6 of them are hers, you have no basis for calling her names, even by your standards.
FWIW a lot of guys I know have kids when they are in their late 40's early 50's. It cool that he doesn;t want any more but it is not unusual if they did.
You are off base here.
Gee, strike a nerve?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Feb 20, 2014
LW1: You've surpassed the Brady Bunch so now you want to make it 8 Is Enough?

LW2: If you love this guy like you say you do, you'd try harder to be happy for him.

LW3: You are a wingnut. The very act of eating finger food would mean that whatever germs are on your fingers would be transferred to you food and then your mouth. Licking the bbq sauce off the same fingers would not be any grosser than eating food with your fingers.

I think you just don't like the sexual overtones/connotations that watching someone lick their fingers inspires in you.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Feb 20, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
Don't people normally date for about two years, decide to get engaged, and are engaged for a year or two as they make wedding plans? So to get married two years after your wife's death, does seem a little quick.
But I'll reserve judgement because there are likely other factors here. Like age. I'll assume he's elderly. Maybe wife was sick for a long time, maybe this new wife has been an old friend?
Now if the dude was in his thirties and moved this quickly, then I'd agree he isn't being too respectful to his dead wife
I think it widely varies. I know people who got engaged in around a year. Additionally this was an older couple previously married. What's to say they even needed to plan a wedding. Maybe they just went to the courthouse?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Feb 20, 2014
L1: If you're not sure, go find out. This guy doesn't deserve to be hounded about something that he was very clear about.

L2: This hit you harder than it should. You need to focus on why you feel this way and work towards a bit more saner approach.

L3: Is this Howie Mandel?
blunt advice

Cedar Knolls, NJ

#14 Feb 20, 2014
1. Find a younger guy to breed with.
2. Get over yourself.
3. Don't go out to eat with people who have bad table manners.
blunt advice

Cedar Knolls, NJ

#16 Feb 20, 2014
Sorry for the duplicate (dang new phone)
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#17 Feb 20, 2014
LW1: Look at it this way. The world is already seriously overpopulated and you have done more than your fair share of breeding already. You remind me of my friend's sister. Every time she gets in a new relationship, she wants to seal the deal by having a baby with her new man. Stop already and take care of the kids you already have.

LW2: It is time to grow up and face reality. Paste a smile on your face. Start with a short meeting and work your way up to getting to know your godfather's new wife. Liking her in no way diminishes loving and honoring the memory of your godmother.

LW3: Team squishymama. You are a wingnut.(Love that expression!)
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#18 Feb 20, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
If she had kids within marriage, even if 6 of them are hers, you have no basis for calling her names, even by your standards.
FWIW a lot of guys I know have kids when they are in their late 40's early 50's. It cool that he doesn;t want any more but it is not unusual if they did.
You are off base here.
I cringe every time he uses those words to describe a woman.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#19 Feb 20, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
I cringe every time he uses those words to describe a woman.
She said she was a single mother. She never said she was a DIVORCED mother
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#20 Feb 20, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
She said she was a single mother. She never said she was a DIVORCED mother
I get the impression that a woman or man who is raising kids alone without a partner is called a "single parent." It doesn't matter whether he/she's divorced, widowed, or never married. The point is, there is no other parent in the picture taking care of the child/children on a regular basis. I'm not sure whether a single parent (divorced) having shared/joint custody of kids would be considered a single parent but then again, if they're divorced, they're single. I'd like to hear some input from others on this topic. I could be totally off-base.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#21 Feb 20, 2014
1: Life is full of surprises. My sister married a man considerably older than herself - nearly 20 years. He didn't want kids and made sure she knew that before they married. Part of his reason was because he was worried he wouldn't be around long enough to see the child grow up and didn't want his child to grow up without a dad. My sister was willing to go along with that because she wanted to get married. I suspect she thought she'd never again have the opportunity. Anyway, long story short, several years after they married, she got pregnant and they had a son. My b-i-l lived until his 80s and was around not only to see his son grow up but get his PhD and marry. My sister who was so much younger, died 3 years later having lived long enough to really alienate her daughter-in-law (or is that long enough for her d-i-l to really alienate my sister? In any case, I think they really hated each other.).
However, don't take this story to mean it's ok to go ahead and marry and then talk or trick your way into a pregnancy. That's just wrong. If you want another baby that badly, marry someone else although I agree with the other posters who say you've procreated enough.

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