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61 - 66 of 66 Comments Last updated Oct 9, 2012
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Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#61
Oct 9, 2012
 
dahgts wrote:
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Long time ago my brother and SIL got divorced. My brother was in the wrong and a totally irresponsible person. Up until my mother died two years ago SIL every year sent flowers on her birthday and always kept in touch, cards, visits, etc.. She was there to help me clean out my mom's place and we're still in touch. She is a very nice person. My brother resented it and never understood how his actions affected his family.
After my divorce in 1980 there wasn't any contact with his family, which was fine with me, several of them were nuts. But recently through my son I've been around former SIL and we get along. The rest have died.
I guess it just depends on the family dynamics and how not dysfunctional people are. Not sure of the right word there.
Your SIL was more like family than the actual family. I do believe once someone marries into the family (or has a very close, commitment, long relationship with a member of the family), then that changes things because both are part of the family. It totally depends on the family dynamics at that point.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#62
Oct 9, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
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Like JMW, I really think there's a different between dating someone for a bit and being married and becoming part of the family. I suppose I should have went into more detail. Once you're part of the family and entrenched, then things are different. But if you're dating someone, break up with them and then your family stays friends with them -- that's weird.
What if you've been dating for years and are not LEGALLY part of the family, but you are for all intents and purposes?

Since: Mar 09

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#63
Oct 9, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>What if you've been dating for years and are not LEGALLY part of the family, but you are for all intents and purposes?
In this context, I don't see this as being different from married.

Toj

“Equality”

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#64
Oct 9, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>What if you've been dating for years and are not LEGALLY part of the family, but you are for all intents and purposes?
Addressed that in another response. I would say they're family. Some people may not but I would.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#65
Oct 9, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
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Like JMW, I really think there's a different between dating someone for a bit and being married and becoming part of the family. I suppose I should have went into more detail. Once you're part of the family and entrenched, then things are different. But if you're dating someone, break up with them and then your family stays friends with them -- that's weird.
I'm friends with the family of the guy I once dated. Actually, I am still friends with him, too. It IS weird, but they are all really nice people and I love all of them. He has a big family and I only have some cousins that I rarely see. The guy that I was dating - let's just say we work better as friends. He recently had a medical emergency. His sister called me and I went to visit him in the hospital. There is no drama and we all get along great.

Toj

“Equality”

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#66
Oct 9, 2012
 
Kuuipo wrote:
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I'm friends with the family of the guy I once dated. Actually, I am still friends with him, too. It IS weird, but they are all really nice people and I love all of them. He has a big family and I only have some cousins that I rarely see. The guy that I was dating - let's just say we work better as friends. He recently had a medical emergency. His sister called me and I went to visit him in the hospital. There is no drama and we all get along great.
Well, you broke up and remained friends. I can totally see that. It's when you have a bad break-up with a guy or don't remain friends with the BF but your family does (after just dating the guy) that I think is so unloyal to the family member.

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