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41 - 60 of 66 Comments Last updated Oct 9, 2012

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#41
Oct 8, 2012
 
Yay!
Sam finally states facts and gives supporting arguments.
Sam I Am wrote:
3. I had Barbies as a child and I am a vapid, superficial slut, so Concerned might have had a good point.
Oh btw, when I read the word vapid, my brain instantly changed "barbies" to "rabies"
funny either way!
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#42
Oct 8, 2012
 
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
There is, indeed, a lot of pleasure in giving gifts. Gift shopping is one of my favorite parts of the holidays, especially when I find that special gift that will appeal to a particular person's likes, tastes and needs. I don't understand people with this LW's mentality.
As an only child myself, and as the daughter, stepdaughter and mother of only children, I really hate to say this, but it seems to me that the LW's attitude is more common than not for a lot of only children I've known. Not for myself, my mother (who is the total opposite of this LW) or my son, but for many others that I've known (like my stepmother). Humorless, rigid, spoiled, my way or the highway--and-I-know-best type thinking. Not sure if it's because they grew up never having to share or compromise with a sibling and see things from a sibling's point of view, or because they're often catered to, or what, but it's annoying.
I am an only child, too. I have a great sense of humor and I am good with sharing thanks to my mother. She always made me share with my cousins and friends. I wasn't spoiled, either.

What I am NOT good at is handling teasing. I was never teased by a sibling growing up and I still do not respond well to teasing.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#43
Oct 8, 2012
 
LW1 - yeah, what's wrong with an experiential gift? or books or something "functional"? I agree that kids should get somethign at the holidays, and it needn't be extravagant. But, if LW wants to set these boundaries & precidents, let her and she'll learn that she's Mean Aunt LW.

LW2 - FB drama... one more reason to stay off it.

LW3 - i got a barbie late (4th grade), and my mom probably bitched that i didn't play with it after i got it for christmas. but taht was my family, day late and a dollar short, it was either getting the "real thing" at the end of hte trend or getting the "lettuce patch kid" during the hype. jury's out on how i'm doing as a result of that...
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#44
Oct 8, 2012
 
LW1: I agree that the Christmas holiday has been over-commercialized but there are better ways to handle it. My surrogate family draws 1 name for the adults and that person gets a nice gift. Giving to other family members is optional. I make jewelry, so I always have something special to give to the women in the family. This keeps me out of the stores. Retail shopping at this time of the year can suck the Christmas spirit out of many of us. For the parents who have everything, I usually buy food items that can be consumed or a nice poinsetta plant for the house. If LW thinks creatively, I think she can find a way to better manage the holiday season.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#45
Oct 8, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
My SIL recently changed her FB status from "single" to "it's complicated" and then back to "single" after a couple weeks. I'm thinking...if it's complicated right off the bat, you need to end that shiz.
Is this the 28 year old guy from church camp .... who hopefully is not affiliated with her college?
Cass

Upland, CA

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#46
Oct 8, 2012
 
LW1 - "We explained that while we want to celebrate the holiday with everyone, in lieu of gifts we will be making additional donations to charity."

If you want to celebrate with everyone, but don't want to give gifts, have the Christmas celebration at your house, prepared or catered completely by you and your husband. It's your choice whether to give gifts or not, but if you plan to go to somebody else's house (your SIL's or in-laws'?), you better get on board with their celebration plans, including presents for the kids.

And yep, you are a Scrooge. If you don't want to encourage blind materialism, give the kids good books as presents.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#47
Oct 8, 2012
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Is this the 28 year old guy from church camp .... who hopefully is not affiliated with her college?
I don't know. I don't think it was him. He's not affiliated with the college and lives nowhere near there.

Ugh...my MIL friended that guy on FB while SIL and he were still going out, and I guess she (MIL) still talks to him on there. Giving him relationship advice and talking to him about my SIL and stuff. Lack of boundaries much? I'd have had a stroke if my mom had tried anything like that.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#48
Oct 8, 2012
 
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't feel the need to announce personal details about my life on the internet.
I just re-read my own post and made myself laugh. Taken out of context, I guess this statement is a complete oxymoron. But you guys know what I mean - it's anonymous here and Facebook is anything but.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#49
Oct 8, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know. I don't think it was him. He's not affiliated with the college and lives nowhere near there.
Ugh...my MIL friended that guy on FB while SIL and he were still going out, and I guess she (MIL) still talks to him on there. Giving him relationship advice and talking to him about my SIL and stuff. Lack of boundaries much? I'd have had a stroke if my mom had tried anything like that.
Ahhhh! So would I. That is NOT COOL.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#50
Oct 8, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know. I don't think it was him. He's not affiliated with the college and lives nowhere near there.
Ugh...my MIL friended that guy on FB while SIL and he were still going out, and I guess she (MIL) still talks to him on there. Giving him relationship advice and talking to him about my SIL and stuff. Lack of boundaries much? I'd have had a stroke if my mom had tried anything like that.
What doesyour SIL think of that? If she asked your MIL, her mom, to stop, ould she?

Gad I am so gla that my mother is computer illiterate
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#51
Oct 8, 2012
 
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes. He wanted to be "in a relationship" with her on Facebook after like 2 weeks... she said let's wait, there are some people I want to talk to first who'd be hurt if they found out on Facebook (her mom, her best friend up north, etc). So 2 weeks later, he brings it up again. She says fine, okay, go ahead. He tells her to send the relationship request (I've never done this so I didn't even know this is how it works), she says no, you want to be Facebook official, you do it. They go back and forth a few times and he finally does it.
The latest about the drunk thing... if it happens again, they're through. And he told his best friend (who's a woman) about the whole incident and she said "that's why you should date within your own race." Which not only doesn't make sense, because last time I checked, all races drink, but is a racist thing to say. And I can't believe he repeated it to my friend.
Wow. I'm not that into FB, but no way I would allow anyone to be "in a relationship" with me in 2 weeks. Drinking is OK, but being able to maintain is a requirement. I feel sorry for your friend because this will not end well.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#52
Oct 8, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know. I don't think it was him. He's not affiliated with the college and lives nowhere near there.
Ugh...my MIL friended that guy on FB while SIL and he were still going out, and I guess she (MIL) still talks to him on there. Giving him relationship advice and talking to him about my SIL and stuff. Lack of boundaries much? I'd have had a stroke if my mom had tried anything like that.
Why do people do that? Continue a relationship with someone that someone close to them in their family has ended that relationship. Doesn't anyone have loyalty anymore?

Theoretically you can be friends with whomever -- but c'mon!

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#53
Oct 8, 2012
 
My MIL has no sense of boundaries in a lot of ways and therefore my SIL and to a much lesser extent, J, lack in that department, too. SIL either doesn't *know* it's that weird for her to be doing that *or* more likely, SIL saying something to MIL would result in a severe amount of drama that SIL is understandably unwilling to deal with. It's just easier to let my MIL talk to this guy.

She's been contacting members of J's bio dad's family on FB, as well. Started up some crap with them, too. She just looks for trouble

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#54
Oct 8, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Why do people do that? Continue a relationship with someone that someone close to them in their family has ended that relationship. Doesn't anyone have loyalty anymore?
Theoretically you can be friends with whomever -- but c'mon!
I know. It's not like SIL was married to this guy for 20 years - in those cases, I can understand family members staying in contact because that person has been PART of the family for a long time. But what did they date for, a few weeks? Weird.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#55
Oct 8, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Why do people do that? Continue a relationship with someone that someone close to them in their family has ended that relationship. Doesn't anyone have loyalty anymore?
Theoretically you can be friends with whomever -- but c'mon!
Hmmmm....is it just about loyalty? I have a friend who was married. His ex-in-laws are wonderful people. Live in a very nice place and on several occassions, many of us had taken group trips to stay with the inlaws. We had a great time with them. Most of us became FB friends with them. Then their daughter cheated on him and left him(but that's not surprising as she dumped her first husband for him likely the same way). Should her parents cut off all contact with him and all the friends through that branch of her life out of some sense of loyalty?

When he told us they were getting divorced, I honestly felt I would miss seeing them more than her. Most of us still correspond(if you wanna call it that) through comments here and there on FB.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#56
Oct 8, 2012
 
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I know. It's not like SIL was married to this guy for 20 years - in those cases, I can understand family members staying in contact because that person has been PART of the family for a long time. But what did they date for, a few weeks? Weird.
Despite my question reguarding my friend and his ex-inlaws, I fully agree with this.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#57
Oct 8, 2012
 
My cousin and his wife are separated and probably divorcing. If she wants to de-friend me, I understand, but I'm not close to my cousin and I have no idea the circumstances of their relationship or lack thereof and it wouldn't be something I'd bring up on FB. So she's basically like most of my FB friends. Comments on my stuff, I comment on hers. Lighthearted stuff. Plus, she posts more pics/statuses of their kiddo than my cousin does, and I like seeing her grow up.
dahgts

Chicago, IL

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#58
Oct 8, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Why do people do that? Continue a relationship with someone that someone close to them in their family has ended that relationship. Doesn't anyone have loyalty anymore?
Theoretically you can be friends with whomever -- but c'mon!
Long time ago my brother and SIL got divorced. My brother was in the wrong and a totally irresponsible person. Up until my mother died two years ago SIL every year sent flowers on her birthday and always kept in touch, cards, visits, etc.. She was there to help me clean out my mom's place and we're still in touch. She is a very nice person. My brother resented it and never understood how his actions affected his family.

After my divorce in 1980 there wasn't any contact with his family, which was fine with me, several of them were nuts. But recently through my son I've been around former SIL and we get along. The rest have died.

I guess it just depends on the family dynamics and how not dysfunctional people are. Not sure of the right word there.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#59
Oct 8, 2012
 
Just guessing....but I think the right words are "your family" meaning the family you make, not what you are born/married into.
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
Long time ago my brother and SIL got divorced. My brother was in the wrong and a totally irresponsible person. Up until my mother died two years ago SIL every year sent flowers on her birthday and always kept in touch, cards, visits, etc.. She was there to help me clean out my mom's place and we're still in touch. She is a very nice person. My brother resented it and never understood how his actions affected his family.
After my divorce in 1980 there wasn't any contact with his family, which was fine with me, several of them were nuts. But recently through my son I've been around former SIL and we get along. The rest have died.
I guess it just depends on the family dynamics and how not dysfunctional people are. Not sure of the right word there.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#60
Oct 9, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Hmmmm....is it just about loyalty? I have a friend who was married. His ex-in-laws are wonderful people. Live in a very nice place and on several occassions, many of us had taken group trips to stay with the inlaws. We had a great time with them. Most of us became FB friends with them. Then their daughter cheated on him and left him(but that's not surprising as she dumped her first husband for him likely the same way). Should her parents cut off all contact with him and all the friends through that branch of her life out of some sense of loyalty?
When he told us they were getting divorced, I honestly felt I would miss seeing them more than her. Most of us still correspond(if you wanna call it that) through comments here and there on FB.
Like JMW, I really think there's a different between dating someone for a bit and being married and becoming part of the family. I suppose I should have went into more detail. Once you're part of the family and entrenched, then things are different. But if you're dating someone, break up with them and then your family stays friends with them -- that's weird.

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