Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#21 Oct 8, 2012
PEllen wrote:
There is pleasure in giving gifts and they need not be expensive. LW missed that and that is why she is a Scrooge
There is, indeed, a lot of pleasure in giving gifts. Gift shopping is one of my favorite parts of the holidays, especially when I find that special gift that will appeal to a particular person's likes, tastes and needs. I don't understand people with this LW's mentality.

As an only child myself, and as the daughter, stepdaughter and mother of only children, I really hate to say this, but it seems to me that the LW's attitude is more common than not for a lot of only children I've known. Not for myself, my mother (who is the total opposite of this LW) or my son, but for many others that I've known (like my stepmother). Humorless, rigid, spoiled, my way or the highway--and-I-know-best type thinking. Not sure if it's because they grew up never having to share or compromise with a sibling and see things from a sibling's point of view, or because they're often catered to, or what, but it's annoying.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#22 Oct 8, 2012
Here's my take:

Most normal people don't do "In a relationship with Joe Blow" after two weeks of dating. On FB, you can set your status to be "in a relationship." Period. Or you can set it to be "in a relationship with Joe Blow," and Joe's name is underlined as a link, you can click and go to his FB page.

TWo weeks? That's weird. He's being unreasonably and prematurely demanding here.

Most reasonable, normal people aren't making things 'official" like that after two weeks of dating. Do some do it after several weeks or several months? Sure. But *two weeks*? that's a red flag. NOt a prediction of gloom and doom, but I sure wouldn't put money on things working out.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#23 Oct 8, 2012
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
There is, indeed, a lot of pleasure in giving gifts. Gift shopping is one of my favorite parts of the holidays, especially when I find that special gift that will appeal to a particular person's likes, tastes and needs. I don't understand people with this LW's mentality.
Same here. I keep my eye out when I'm shopping throughout the year, I've had some items for NIck's mom and niece for a while now. I like finding something and thinking a certain person would like it as a gift, rather than "what can I find that X will enjoy?" TOo much pressure.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#24 Oct 8, 2012
1- Justify it all you want, you're still gonna come off as cheap bassterds.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#25 Oct 8, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Same here. I keep my eye out when I'm shopping throughout the year, I've had some items for NIck's mom and niece for a while now. I like finding something and thinking a certain person would like it as a gift, rather than "what can I find that X will enjoy?" TOo much pressure.
That's a great idea, to keep an eye out throughout the year and not just around the holidays. I just may do that!

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#26 Oct 8, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
I guess instead of saying "I don't get this", I should have said "this just seems silly to me".
<quoted text>
Oh, I get that's what he wanted. I just don't get why its such a big deal to anyone, especially after 2 weeks. Just silly facebook drama.
<quoted text>
I get her objective, but it seems silly to me. Is that because I'm me or because I'm a guy? My relationship status(pre-facebook) was never anything I discussed with my parents. They got no special heads up. So the idea that she needs to specifically tell her mom and others personally or they would be hurt seems silly to me. My mom didn't know I was dating my wife until I brought her down for a friend's wedding.
I think it's all silly, and I agree with you. And I'm a girl. But I'm not nearly as caught up in Facebook or social media in general as some people I know. I don't feel the need to announce personal details about my life on the internet. The people who need to know things will know the old fashioned way. I weep for our society....

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#27 Oct 8, 2012
The LW said she is giving money to charity in lieu of gifts, so why not just buy a stupid card and put the money in there and hand it to them?
She is trying to dictate the entire holiday to be as unholiday like as possible.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I half agree with you. But here's how it likely played out. In the past, they all exchanged gifts(which she confirmed at least as far as the children). They made the decision to not do a gift exchange. WEll, it would be pretty shitty to just stop and not tell the others, cause they are likely to still get you something, so this is not just a unilateral decision. They had to make it known to others that this is their intent, so don't get us nothing. Sister didn't like the idea as is her right. The traditional gift exchange is important to her so she voiced her opposition to the idea. That opposition is not simply about the LW as the EXCHANGE affects both parties.
So yes, LW can spend her money however she chooses, but she will be judged for it and there is no getting around that. That seems to be the common thread about many letters. "I want to do X, but I don't want anyone to have a problem with it." Sorry, but you can't control how others percieve you and your actions.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#28 Oct 8, 2012
L1: You don't have to spend a lot on kids and if they were really concerned with the whole meaning of Christmas why wouldn't they give the gift of books, tickets to live theater or some other learning experience for the kids? I think there's more to the LW's actions than she's telling.

L2: Why is FB so important to people like that? To me it's crazy.

L3: What Squishy said.

“Happy Halloween”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#29 Oct 8, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Here's my take:
Most normal people don't do "In a relationship with Joe Blow" after two weeks of dating. On FB, you can set your status to be "in a relationship." Period. Or you can set it to be "in a relationship with Joe Blow," and Joe's name is underlined as a link, you can click and go to his FB page.
TWo weeks? That's weird. He's being unreasonably and prematurely demanding here.
Most reasonable, normal people aren't making things 'official" like that after two weeks of dating. Do some do it after several weeks or several months? Sure. But *two weeks*? that's a red flag. NOt a prediction of gloom and doom, but I sure wouldn't put money on things working out.
I agree. I dunno why Tonka is focusing on her. Between someone deciding they'd rather tell their folks in person that they are dating some guy rather than doing so via facebook and some guy acting like a drama queen, trying to latch on for dear life to her, 2 weeks into dating, and demanding that she update her facebook status, I'd say clearly the nut job is him.

His demands about facebook may not be a prediction of doom and gloom, but the totality of circumstances sure would be if she weren't such a doormat. She sounds like the type who is a glutton for punishment. Who the f' tells a girl they are in a relationship that a friend said that's why you should date in your own race. The only way I would say that to a girl I started dating if I was being critical of the person who said it and supportive my girl.

A relationship, especially this early, should not involve this much drama.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#30 Oct 8, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Here's my take:
Most normal people don't do "In a relationship with Joe Blow" after two weeks of dating. On FB, you can set your status to be "in a relationship." Period. Or you can set it to be "in a relationship with Joe Blow," and Joe's name is underlined as a link, you can click and go to his FB page.
TWo weeks? That's weird. He's being unreasonably and prematurely demanding here.
Most reasonable, normal people aren't making things 'official" like that after two weeks of dating. Do some do it after several weeks or several months? Sure. But *two weeks*? that's a red flag. NOt a prediction of gloom and doom, but I sure wouldn't put money on things working out.
I agree!

I've been talking about my friend A's situation with our mutual friend S (who's a guy... not sure if it makes a difference). S is also in the loop on what's going on with me lately and he cautioned me to be careful of how I express my opinions about G (A's boyfriend) to A because even though I'm coming from the heart, it could come across as sour grapes or that I'm hoping her relationship fails because of the timing of me being single (minor digression: if I were to post my status on FB, it would be "it's complicated" - not that I will ever do that). I think that's good advice and I'm trying to just be supportive of A. Her friend C who was traveling with her last week is very soured on G and has expressed her opinion in no uncertain terms, it sounds like. I understand where she's coming from (boy, do I ever) but I don't want to alienate A over this.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#31 Oct 8, 2012
Toj wrote:
L1: You don't have to spend a lot on kids and if they were really concerned with the whole meaning of Christmas why wouldn't they give the gift of books, tickets to live theater or some other learning experience for the kids? I think there's more to the LW's actions than she's telling.
I was wondering, how is someone raised that they end up doing what she's doing?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#32 Oct 8, 2012
And telling her mom is because mom would see "in a relationship with Joe Blow" and know that that's a big deal, she can then explain to mom "it's what he wants."

But then he wanted her to initiate the FB invite? WTH? It's a control issue. Good for her for saying, "You wanted this, YOU do it." but I wish her next move had been to rescind the permission to change FB status. He has control issues. Next, he's going to complain she seems to drink every time she's with certain friends (he knows this from FB posts)....

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#33 Oct 8, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>

A relationship, especially this early, should not involve this much drama.
THIS. Every single person I've talked to about this (mostly you guys since I don't want to seem like I'm gossiping about my friend... just interested in other people's takes on the situation to see if *I'm* nuts, haha) says this.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#34 Oct 8, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I was wondering, how is someone raised that they end up doing what she's doing?
Selfishly.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#35 Oct 8, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
And telling her mom is because mom would see "in a relationship with Joe Blow" and know that that's a big deal, she can then explain to mom "it's what he wants."
But then he wanted her to initiate the FB invite? WTH? It's a control issue. Good for her for saying, "You wanted this, YOU do it." but I wish her next move had been to rescind the permission to change FB status. He has control issues. Next, he's going to complain she seems to drink every time she's with certain friends (he knows this from FB posts)....
What I've heard so far is that it's okay for her to have a few drinks with friends but she's not allowed to drink at work-related functions. That's what I was referring to earlier: if it happens again, they're done.(is it bad that I want to plan a work function and get her hammered, just to get this over with?). She's coming over tonight to watch Monday Night Football with me and we're in the process of emailing about what to get for food... I'm curious to see if she'll bring up alcohol.

She and G are supposed to go to Orlando for the weekend in 2 weeks with his best friend and her husband. Yeah, the racist chick. A has never even met these people at all yet.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#36 Oct 8, 2012
Yep, she's not drinking. Don't get me wrong, this isn't about drinking... it's about a pretty big change in behavior and the only reason is him....
Sam I Am

Schaumburg, IL

#37 Oct 8, 2012
1. Your principles stink. Is it really that hard to get the kids at least a token gift? And you wouldn't buy your own kids gifts? Please do not reproduce. Lord only knows what other ridiculous principles you'd inflict on them.

2. So you have been on trips to see his family and he openly introduces you as his gf, but you're distraught because of his FB status?

<walks away shaking head>

3. I had Barbies as a child and I am a vapid, superficial slut, so Concerned might have had a good point.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#38 Oct 8, 2012
L1. You sure know how to make a big production out of not giving.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#39 Oct 8, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree. I dunno why Tonka is focusing on her.
I am? I thought I was pretty even handed with my disregard for the all around silliness on both sides. But, hey, you read into it whatever you want.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#40 Oct 8, 2012
My SIL recently changed her FB status from "single" to "it's complicated" and then back to "single" after a couple weeks. I'm thinking...if it's complicated right off the bat, you need to end that shiz.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 3 min Emeem 1,129,384
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 11 min Rogue Scholar 05 179,680
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 22 min JOEL 70,157
Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 39 min KiMare 50,776
With apologies to "THE BEACH BOYS"! 3 hr Glen Fry 1
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 5 hr IBdaMann 47,596
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 7 hr Zap Brannigan 98,564

High Wind Warning for Cook County was issued at October 31 at 3:39AM CDT

Chicago Dating
Find my Match

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]