Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#22 Oct 4, 2012
RACE wrote:
1 He did not lie, he simply changed his mind. Before he married you, he had the same illusion as you, white picket fence, happy kids on the swingset....
But marriage showed the reality, and his view changed. Your claim of him seeding you for children as an act of love is stupid. Kids are work, they cost money and prevent you for doing a lot of cool stuff.
THIS.

LW is romanticizing the idea of having children. Children are not little monuments to the love of two people. They are living beings that require a lot of time, money, and emotional investment. IF LW's need to nurture a little human being is greater than the love for the family she already has is that great, then she should leave and find a man who wants children. I think she'd be better off to appreciate the gifts that she already has, but it is her call.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#23 Oct 4, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Okay, I have one. Saw it on Reddit the other day and it had me thinking.
If you could live your life over, what would you change/do differently? If anything at all. Provided it's in your control, I mean, you can't be born a different gender to different people or anything.
One thing? I would have a better education.(It's hard to work and go to school at the same time.) I would have my master's degree, and I would like to have learned several languages.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#24 Oct 4, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
These both suck. Q of the day, anyone?
A far more deserving letter, run a while ago, addressed a writer whose brother was troubled. Brother wabted his wife to see a doctor--but wife didn't think the doctor could do her much good.

The writer's question was along the lines of how to gently talk the sister-in-loaw into agreeing to a routine appointment with a doctor or nurse practioner. Want to tackle this subject?

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#25 Oct 4, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Okay, I have one. Saw it on Reddit the other day and it had me thinking.
If you could live your life over, what would you change/do differently? If anything at all. Provided it's in your control, I mean, you can't be born a different gender to different people or anything.
When I became legally an adult, I would have walked away from the adopted family I had to grow up in and never looked back for one minute. Not for help, not for information, not for a single thing. I wasted far too much of my time and energy trying to have a relationship with people who never really wanted me in their lives except for what I could do for them.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#26 Oct 4, 2012
L1: Something I feel in my bones tells me this is not your only issue but whatever. If it bothers you to the extent it is affecting your marriage then you should get counselling. That part about "giving you" children is weird. Couples together should decide they want kids. No one is "giving" you kids. If he changed his mind, don't force the issue. Having kids when you don't want them will only hurt the children and probably kill the marriage.

L3: Introduce Will to another wallflower. He's latched on to you b/c he doesn't have any social skills to make other friends. Also, give him the address to whatever political volunteer program you have in your neighborhood. Maybe he'll get busy there.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#27 Oct 4, 2012
Toj wrote:
L1: Something I feel in my bones tells me this is not your only issue but whatever. If it bothers you to the extent it is affecting your marriage then you should get counselling. That part about "giving you" children is weird. Couples together should decide they want kids. No one is "giving" you kids. If he changed his mind, don't force the issue. Having kids when you don't want them will only hurt the children and probably kill the marriage.
L3: Introduce Will to another wallflower. He's latched on to you b/c he doesn't have any social skills to make other friends. Also, give him the address to whatever political volunteer program you have in your neighborhood. Maybe he'll get busy there.
Bear and I would have liked to have had a child together. I quit seeing guys who either couldn't have them, or didn't want more. It was irrelevant that it turned out we could not have them together. The important part was we were in agreement about the issue from the beginning and through the changing of our minds after the ectopic one.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#28 Oct 4, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Bear and I would have liked to have had a child together. I quit seeing guys who either couldn't have them, or didn't want more. It was irrelevant that it turned out we could not have them together. The important part was we were in agreement about the issue from the beginning and through the changing of our minds after the ectopic one.
Exactly. Except for the ectopic one. I'm so sorry! That had to be heartbreaking and very scary.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#29 Oct 4, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Exactly. Except for the ectopic one. I'm so sorry! That had to be heartbreaking and very scary.
Doctor said that if I had delayed getting to the hospital by another 20 minutes all they could have done was watch me die. My organs were already shutting down when they went in.
It was terrifying for him, I was sad, but somehow I knew I would be okay. The poor nurse on duty was about 8 months along, and she was crying her eyes out about it. I was comforting HER. Kept me calm anyway.
I lucked out on my doctor though. He had the same thing happen to his wife just months after they married,(ectopic just after job change and no insurance yet) and not only didn't charge for his work,(including follow up visits) but he also convinced the anaesthesiologist into cutting his fee in half. Saved us thousands on the bills.
But after that, I just didn't even want to attempt it again.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#30 Oct 4, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Doctor said that if I had delayed getting to the hospital by another 20 minutes all they could have done was watch me die. My organs were already shutting down when they went in.
It was terrifying for him, I was sad, but somehow I knew I would be okay. The poor nurse on duty was about 8 months along, and she was crying her eyes out about it. I was comforting HER. Kept me calm anyway.
I lucked out on my doctor though. He had the same thing happen to his wife just months after they married,(ectopic just after job change and no insurance yet) and not only didn't charge for his work,(including follow up visits) but he also convinced the anaesthesiologist into cutting his fee in half. Saved us thousands on the bills.
But after that, I just didn't even want to attempt it again.
That had to be terrifying. I am so sorry. Glad you made it to the hospital in the nick of time and received the best of care.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#31 Oct 4, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Okay, I have one. Saw it on Reddit the other day and it had me thinking.
If you could live your life over, what would you change/do differently? If anything at all. Provided it's in your control, I mean, you can't be born a different gender to different people or anything.
I would have somehow figured out how to like fruits and veg and become a mostly vegetarian.

I've probably told this story before, but when my parents divorced when I was about 5 or 6, I stopped eating my vegetables; what I put in my mouth was about the only thing I could control. My mother made me sit at the table until I ate all my veg, sometimes that was hours. Do you have any idea how disgusting cold brussel sprouts taste? I got real good at the 3 chews and swallow technique and sometimes she got so disgusted that she would leave me alone and I would hide them in the garbage.

Well, once it was up to me what I ate, I stopped eating most fruit and veg. I'd eat a salad every once in awhile, but it had to be drowneding in dressing and I'd eat a grapefruit if it had enough sugar on it. I just could not get most stuff in without gagging, and really, who wants to eat like that.

I'm better now, mostly for the sake of my children, but I do not think of an apple as a tasty snack or think boy, a side of asperagus would really make this meal yummy.

And I really wish I did.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#32 Oct 4, 2012
squishymama wrote:
My mother made me sit at the table until I ate all my veg, sometimes that was hours.
My dad would do that to me.

I would never do that to a kid. You don't want to eat this? That's fine, but you're not getting anything else tonight, and no bedtime snack.

I remember sitting for at least an hour in front of a bowl of frosted mini wheats. I had asked to try them. He or mom poured me a normal-sized bowl and put milk on them. I didn't like them. But he wanted me to eat them no matter what.

Well, why not give a little kid a small bowl with like 3 pieces in it to test THAT out, rather than "Oh, you'll love this, here's a big bowlful"?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#33 Oct 4, 2012
I never had asparagus until I was an adult and I love it.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#34 Oct 4, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
My dad would do that to me.
I would never do that to a kid. You don't want to eat this? That's fine, but you're not getting anything else tonight, and no bedtime snack.
I remember sitting for at least an hour in front of a bowl of frosted mini wheats. I had asked to try them. He or mom poured me a normal-sized bowl and put milk on them. I didn't like them. But he wanted me to eat them no matter what.
Well, why not give a little kid a small bowl with like 3 pieces in it to test THAT out, rather than "Oh, you'll love this, here's a big bowlful"?
Those are awesome as a snack, sans milk. Malt-O-Meal has strawberry and blueberry flavored ones, too.

We did the whole drama where you sit at the table forever after a meal for a time. Frick, I hated carrots. I still do. A little squirt of Cheez Whiz on top would have saved us all a lot of drama.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#35 Oct 4, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
My dad would do that to me.
I would never do that to a kid. You don't want to eat this? That's fine, but you're not getting anything else tonight, and no bedtime snack.
I remember sitting for at least an hour in front of a bowl of frosted mini wheats. I had asked to try them. He or mom poured me a normal-sized bowl and put milk on them. I didn't like them. But he wanted me to eat them no matter what.
Well, why not give a little kid a small bowl with like 3 pieces in it to test THAT out, rather than "Oh, you'll love this, here's a big bowlful"?
I almost never fight my kids on eating because of my childhood experience.

I will make them eat a bite or two more of something they've already been eating if they've been goofing off instead of eating. And if they don't want to, then they get no dessert. But they almost always do, because they love dessert!

But if they want to try something new and don't like it, fine. And I always give them points for trying.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#36 Oct 4, 2012
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I would have somehow figured out how to like fruits and veg and become a mostly vegetarian.
I've probably told this story before, but when my parents divorced when I was about 5 or 6, I stopped eating my vegetables; what I put in my mouth was about the only thing I could control. My mother made me sit at the table until I ate all my veg, sometimes that was hours. Do you have any idea how disgusting cold brussel sprouts taste? I got real good at the 3 chews and swallow technique and sometimes she got so disgusted that she would leave me alone and I would hide them in the garbage.
Well, once it was up to me what I ate, I stopped eating most fruit and veg. I'd eat a salad every once in awhile, but it had to be drowneding in dressing and I'd eat a grapefruit if it had enough sugar on it. I just could not get most stuff in without gagging, and really, who wants to eat like that.
I'm better now, mostly for the sake of my children, but I do not think of an apple as a tasty snack or think boy, a side of asperagus would really make this meal yummy.
And I really wish I did.
Brussel sprouts can be yummy if well-prepared or horrid if not. My mother overcooked vegetables and I never appreciated them until I grew up. I like my veggies raw or lightly steamed; nice ancd crunchy.

I would NEVER force a child to eat anything he or she disliked. That's absurd. If you don't like something, you don't like it. I grew out of most of the food dislikes I had as a child, with a few exceptions. If I had to buy a juicer to get the veggies in them, I would do that.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#37 Oct 4, 2012
It occurred to me that I never answered my own question. I think I'd have been nicer to my sister. I still feel bad about that. I wish I'd have stood up to bullies and been nicer to kids who could have used a friend. But most kids don't have that perspective when it's happening. Childhood is *rough* and I wouldn't want to do it again.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#38 Oct 4, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I never had asparagus until I was an adult and I love it.
Ditto. I always thought it was this horrible thing, like vegemite. Eh, nope. Not if it's done right.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#39 Oct 4, 2012
If I could do things over, the only thing I'd do is study/try harder in college. I had a great childhood and loved high school and excelled in everything. But college can be difficult for someone who found high school ridiculously easy.

My parents never talked about goals or dreams, or the work it takes to achieve them.

I would have studied radio broadcasting instead of microbiology and I'd be a DJ on The Current, a great local public radio station that has international listeners because it's just that kick ass.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#40 Oct 4, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Ditto. I always thought it was this horrible thing, like vegemite. Eh, nope. Not if it's done right.
But did your parents eat it? My parents didn't, it's not like I even knew what it was!

Then I tried it at a work party. mmmm broiled, then chilled and wrapped with prosciutto and drizzled with lemon juice and olive oil.... my mouth is watering. Maybe sneak some capers in there.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#41 Oct 4, 2012
ChicagolandChica wrote:
I don't understand the deep need some people seem to have to procreate. You want kids? You have stepkids! Take care of them! Be the best mom you can be to them!
The need to procreate is instinctual, you want your DNA to live on.

But it's quite different to carry a baby, give birth to it, nurse it, watch it grow. "Inheriting" older step-kids just can't compare.

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