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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Sep 25, 2013
DEAR AMY: About every other year, my mother travels across the country to visit my husband and me.

While she was visiting us last week, we took her to an event with some friends. Toward the end of the evening, I saw my mother browsing in the gift shop at the venue where the event was held. I watched her pick up an item for sale. She held the item behind her purse and then went into the bathroom. When she came out the item was no longer with her.
I could not believe what I saw. The next day I looked in her purse, and the item was in there. I know for a fact she did not pay for it.

My mother is 75 and in good health.

I did not say anything at the time, and now she has returned home, and it is really bothering me. Should I say anything to her about this, or should I just leave it alone?-- Shocked Daughter

DEAR SHOCKED: The time to have spoken up was while your mother was with you. At least you could have held up the item in question and said,“J’accuse, Mother!” and received some sort of explanation.

This also would have given you the opportunity to at least try to determine whether your mother is absent-minded, suffering from some sort of age-related cognitive disorder (shoplifting is one symptom) or a fully functioning unrepentant kleptomaniac.

You should definitely discuss this, but first you should listen to what she has to say about the trip; the moment to raise this may present itself organically, in which case she will be more receptive to talking about it. Otherwise, yes, you’ll have to express your shock and try to figure out what is going on with her (from a distance).

I think it is time for you to plan to visit your mother at her home to see more clearly how she is really doing.

DEAR AMY: I am going to be getting married in a year. My parents divorced when I was young. My mother has been with the same man (whom I consider my stepdad) for more than 11 years. He has helped me throughout my life, and I consider him to be a father figure. I am blessed to have him in my life. My birth father is also in my life, but he is unreliable.

I have decided to ask both my father and my stepdad to walk me down the aisle, but my father is not happy about this idea.

I am also planning to make wedding programs, and I am confused about how I should word them without hurting my father’s feelings. I don’t know what to do when I note the “Parents of the Bride.”

My father is my parent, but I feel my stepdad should also be included. I don’t know how to word this!-- Future Bride

DEAR BRIDE: There is no one correct way to design your wedding. Asking both dads to walk you down the aisle is inclusive and sounds great. I only hope your two fathers accept your choice and respond well. Even if they don’t, realize that you are making choices, and so will they.

Assuming your father is not remarried (or with a long-term partner), here’s how to list your parents in the program:

“Wendy Smith and Bob Jones (this is your mother and your stepdad).

“Bob Smith”(your father). If he is remarried, also name his spouse.

DEAR AMY: The letter from “At a Loss” sure got my attention. When I read the way this woman (“Karen”) acted toward a married man in public, with his wife in the room, my eyebrows shot up so fast they were in danger of hitting the ceiling. It is despicable that the letter writer is even considering asking his wife to apologize to Karen. If he is putting a near-stranger’s feelings and dignity above his wife’s, then his wife has some hard thinking to do.-- Indignant in Edmonton

DEAR INDIGNANT: Many readers shared your reaction. Thank you all.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Sep 25, 2013
1 Mom is a Klepto, has been for years. Just nail your stuff down.

2 Girls stuff...

3 These reactions are always funnier in the cartoons than they are in print.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Sep 25, 2013
L2 The problem is that "step dad" is not married to mom. Therefore although he should be an honored guest, I don't think he should be on the invitations. When it come to formal ceremonies if you want a public role,you need to be either related by blood or adoption or related by marriage. Step dad may have been with mom for the last 11 years but they don't think it was important enough to get married.If bio dad were not in the picture at all, I might feel differently

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Sep 25, 2013
So is the wedding about what PEllen thinks or what the girl thinks?
PEllen wrote:
L2 The problem is that "step dad" is not married to mom. Therefore although he should be an honored guest, I don't think he should be on the invitations. When it come to formal ceremonies if you want a public role,you need to be either related by blood or adoption or related by marriage. Step dad may have been with mom for the last 11 years but they don't think it was important enough to get married.If bio dad were not in the picture at all, I might feel differently

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#5 Sep 25, 2013
LW1 - You also need to go back to the store and pay for the item your mother stole.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Sep 25, 2013
Yeah, then she should steal the money from her moms purse.

Where you been?
Shari23 wrote:
LW1 - You also need to go back to the store and pay for the item your mother stole.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Sep 25, 2013
LW1: Not sure why you are writing Amy about this and didn’t just ask her why she did that at the time.

LW2: I wouldn't list the mother's bf as a parent in the wedding program, because well he's not a parent, and just have them both walk you down the aisle. It’s your call, tho.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#8 Sep 25, 2013
LW1: I agree that you should talk about this when it seems natural in the conversation. Call her up and righteoulsy state that you saw her shoplift and she will shut you out completely.

LW2: I hope the dad comes around; this is a lovely way to include everybody. And I speak from experience.

LW3: "DEAR INDIGNANT: Many readers shared your reaction. Thank you all."

Please please please let this be code for ceasing this outraged rehash.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Sep 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
So is the wedding about what PEllen thinks or what the girl thinks?
<quoted text>
yeah, this. Any other RULES we need to be aware of? I would think this rigid "it must be this way" attitude is more fitting of edog.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Sep 25, 2013
Shari23 wrote:
LW1 - You also need to go back to the store and pay for the item your mother stole.
??? I will take responsibility for MY actions and my children when they are minors. Other adults? Hell no. Mom stole shit? Its not on me to male amends.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Sep 25, 2013
L1: Definitely should go visit mom and have a talk with her. The LW should have said something right when it happened. She was probably too shocked or couldn't believe what she was seeing (hence the peeking in the purse).

L2: I'd walk down the aisle myself and have the parents at the end of the aisle but before the groom. I'd have a lot more to say, but I wouldn't care if bio dad got his feelings hurt but the LW does. You need to earn a dad title. Doesn't sound like he did.

L3: If the letter was real.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Sep 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
So is the wedding about what PEllen thinks or what the girl thinks?
<quoted text>
On Topix it is all about ME

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#13 Sep 25, 2013
LW2 - i was just at a wedding where the bride didn't really want her bio-dad walkign her down teh aisle, but he made such a stink about her sister (not) doing that that A was getting wound up about it 3 weeks after getting engaged.(holy run on sentance, batman). From soemtihng i heard, bio-dad almost didn't come at all, but bride's aunt said that "one of the other kids must have talked to him" about it. he's been out of hte picture in a drunken stupor for at laest 15 years, best as i can figure.

oh, no step-dad-figure in the picture. this bride's cousin did, i htink he did more to 'raise' her than bio-dad, but bio-dad got to walk her down the aisle. Oy, that family... ;-)

Any-hoo... LW should do what she wants...

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#14 Sep 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
Yeah, then she should steal the money from her moms purse.
Where you been?
<quoted text>
I've been lazy. No other excuses. But I do read Topix almost everyday. How have you been?

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#15 Sep 25, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>??? I will take responsibility for MY actions and my children when they are minors. Other adults? Hell no. Mom stole shit? Its not on me to male amends.
I would just be making things right by paying for the stolen item. After that, I would be reading my mother the riot act.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#16 Sep 25, 2013
I have been fine thanks! How are the hay eaters?
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
I've been lazy. No other excuses. But I do read Topix almost everyday. How have you been?

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#17 Sep 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
I have been fine thanks! How are the hay eaters?
<quoted text>
They are doing fine. We have had so much rain that I won't have to start feeding hay until the end of October. We dodged the bullet here but the people on the front range have really suffered. Over 19000 houses have been lost completely or damaged. Whole towns were wiped out. It is really a mess.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#18 Sep 25, 2013
Glad you're ok. That pond of yours must be huge now.
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
They are doing fine. We have had so much rain that I won't have to start feeding hay until the end of October. We dodged the bullet here but the people on the front range have really suffered. Over 19000 houses have been lost completely or damaged. Whole towns were wiped out. It is really a mess.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Sep 25, 2013
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
I would just be making things right by paying for the stolen item. After that, I would be reading my mother the riot act.
that's between 2 parties other than me. I would feel no more responsibility to make it right than if i saw a stranger steal it. In a perfect world, mom would be out $15 for buying the item. In leiu of that, making it right for the store = making it wrong for me. Why punish myself for someone else's crime?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#20 Sep 25, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>that's between 2 parties other than me. I would feel no more responsibility to make it right than if i saw a stranger steal it. In a perfect world, mom would be out $15 for buying the item. In leiu of that, making it right for the store = making it wrong for me. Why punish myself for someone else's crime?
Because the store from which mom stole is in LW's home town and may be one which LW goes into periodically.

I have a feeling that a surprise visit to Mom's house would show a lot of things with tags still on them, possibly approaching hoarding status.

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