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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Apr 29, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years and have two beautiful children. Shortly before our first child was born, my in-laws bought a new camera. They bring it along to every visit and constantly take pictures of all of us. Neither my husband nor I likes having our pictures taken. My in-laws have thousands of pictures of all of us already.

The biggest problem is that they don't have a relationship with their grandchildren because of this. They complain that the kids "don't like them." They feel they should therefore visit more often, but in reality, these visits consist of nonstop photo-snapping, and no quality time is spent with either of the children. How do I make this stop without causing problems?-- OUT OF FOCUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR OUT OF FOCUS: A diplomatic approach would be to suggest to your in-laws that they "shoot" only for a limited time when they visit -- no longer than the first 10 minutes. Explain that you realize the kids are growing and changing quickly, and you understand their desire to record all of it, but the children need a deeper kind of interaction with their grandparents in order to form a positive bond with them. Then suggest some ways they can relate to the little ones after the camera is put away.

If they balk, tell them the reason their grandchildren don't seem to like them is that children need face-to-face and eye contact, and the camera has prevented it from happening. If they're smart, they'll listen.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with a man I dated many years ago, "Charles." When we reconnected three years ago, I had a dog, "Frosty." One year into the relationship, Charles asked me to get rid of Frosty because he thinks dogs are unsanitary. I loved Frosty and kept him, but it caused all kinds of problems with my boyfriend.

When Charles and I moved in together three months ago, he insisted I get rid of Frosty and I caved. I miss my little friend so much it hurts. Memories of him are everywhere. I am able to get him back, but is it crazy that I would jeopardize my relationship because I want to keep my dog?-- IN THE DOGHOUSE

DEAR IN THE DOGHOUSE: I don't think it's crazy, and I'm sure my animal-loving readers -- who number in the millions -- would agree with me. People bond with their pets to such an extent that in the event of a natural disaster, some of them refuse to be separated from their companions.

That Charles would insist you get rid of Frosty shows extreme insensitivity for your feelings, in addition to disregard for your beloved pet in whom you had a significant emotional investment. Could Charles be jealous of the affection you have shown Frosty? Not knowing him, I can't guess. But if you are forced to choose between the two of them, you should seriously consider choosing the dog.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Apr 29, 2014
1 Orrrr, you could take the camera and tell them to go play with the kids, and you will record it for them.

2 Aint no tail good enough to get me to do that.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Apr 29, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 Orrrr, you could take the camera and tell them to go play with the kids, and you will record it for them.
2 Aint no tail good enough to get me to do that.
Lw1: good suggestion, though i don't trust people who claim to not like having their picture taken. Freaks.

Lw2: whoever gets there first wins. If i was already in a relationship with someone who did not like animals, I would respect that and not get any. But if i already had a dog and someone i was dating wanted me to get rid of him, she'd find herself at the curb.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#4 Apr 29, 2014
L1. I would have put a squash on that the first time it happened.

"I am not interested in recording my life, but rather living it"
Jacqueline Kennedy

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#6 Apr 29, 2014
I agree with you guys.

And CHarles sounds like a jerk. I'd lose him fast. What an insensitive clod.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Apr 29, 2014
LW1: Skip all that diplomatic mumbo-jumbo and tell them the truth. The kids only know a camera, not a person.

LW2: Go get your dog, dump this a-hole and never look back.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#8 Apr 29, 2014
loose cannon wrote:
L1. I would have put a squash on that the first time it happened.
"I am not interested in recording my life, but rather living it"
Jacqueline Kennedy
Good quote.

My MIL is /was like that with the camera. She was also very narrow, offensively so, in her definition of who qualified as family.

She is, has been and will remain 504.2 miles away from the foot of my driveway, perhaps a little more now that she has moved into a retirement home.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Apr 29, 2014
L1: I'd have a talk with them and take pictures for them now and again. As for not like having your picture taken, seems like you might have to just deal.

L2: I agree with Tonka. Whoever is there first, wins. UNLESS the person has a dog/pet and doesn't take care of it. Then I think it's fine to open the discussion to rehome it.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

#10 Apr 29, 2014
L2: We get a dog it's here for it's life. So far that equals approx. 13 years. We don't have one now because we're not up to the training cleaning walking thing. Dump the fool. Don't worry either about your dog not remembering you. They don't forget.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Apr 29, 2014
All this talk about pets, I am watching mine over the camera's, He's just racked out, sleeping like a log.

Heh... it's a dogs life sometimes.
bounday painter

Waco, TX

#12 Apr 29, 2014
Grim glance into LW2's future:

Sadly, in addition to constricting LW2 into giving up Frosty, "Charles" also:
(a) asked he o spend less time with her mother, sister or friends
(b) pressured her to keep working because he needed to get some debs paid
(c) twisted her am to "be nice" o one or more of his relatives who moved themselves ino
LW1's home
or
(d) other
Kuuipo

Elizabethtown, KY

#13 Apr 29, 2014
LW1: Good advice from everyone.

LW2: Never give up your friends for a man, whether they are 2-legged or 4.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#14 Apr 29, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
LW2: Never give up your friends for a man, whether they are 2-legged or 4.
Prudie had the flip side yesterday (obviously NOT the same couple, as this man has his own, well-trained dog):
I’m currently dating a great successful girl. We are serious and have talked about marriage and kids. Here is the issue. We both have dogs. I have a 7-year-old lab that I have spent a ton of time training and have owned since she was a puppy. My girlfriend has a small mix that is super food aggressive, toward other dogs and, in limited interactions, kids as well. She took food from a 3-year-old at a cafe. So I mentioned that I’m not sure I would trust her dog with a kid, and she said that if she had to get rid of her dog, my dog has to go as well. She won’t take the dog to training, let me discipline the dog or even recognize that this is a problem. She has said that once a kid comes along, the dog will bond and everything will be fine. Any advice?

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#15 Apr 29, 2014
Prudie's answer:
Unless there is a serious allergy situation which means someone cannot live with a pre-existing pet, my stance is that the pet is part of the package. Her pet is part of her life, and since you two haven’t even gotten engaged, you’re getting way ahead of things to be worried about how the dogs will bond with your nonexistent children. Nonetheless, there is something disturbing about the dynamic here. There simply are some dogs who are very difficult and almost beyond training—I had one for 10 years. But at least I hired trainers and recognized there were situations that required her to be contained. It’s unfortunate your girlfriend doesn’t realize her dog has issues. But I also sense something amiss with your desire to “discipline” it. The dog needs comprehensive training. Your occasional discipline will likely just make the dog (and her) hate you. But then the ante gets upped by the discussion of how if her dog isn’t safe around a baby, your dog has to be dispatched, too. So at issue here is not what do you do with your dogs, but what do you do with each other. This is a really good opportunity to see how you two address conflict and arrive at compromise. So far, I’m not impressed.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#16 Apr 29, 2014
1: Use.your.words. Grrr...taking pictures non-stop would be annoying. Tell them and be prepared for their whiny guilt trip, but do not relent. This is affecting your kids' love for them.

2: As I am fiercely anti-animals, I refuse to live with animals. I also think animal lovers need to stop seeing us as terrorists because of it!
That being said, I don't think it's wrong to accept a compromise (dog in garage or outside but not in house) if the other is amenable. If not, it's fisticuffs.
I had a very agreeable break because I couldn't live with animals and he couldn't put it out of the house. It was stated calmly and we moved on. Clear communication, no time wasting in a long relationship.
I would never date long-term and freaking move in expecting it to change.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17 Apr 29, 2014
VAdame wrote:
Prudie's answer:
Unless there is a serious allergy situation which means someone cannot live with a pre-existing pet, my stance is that the pet is part of the package. Her pet is part of her life, and since you two haven’t even gotten engaged, you’re getting way ahead of things to be worried about how the dogs will bond with your nonexistent children. Nonetheless, there is something disturbing about the dynamic here. There simply are some dogs who are very difficult and almost beyond training—I had one for 10 years. But at least I hired trainers and recognized there were situations that required her to be contained. It’s unfortunate your girlfriend doesn’t realize her dog has issues. But I also sense something amiss with your desire to “discipline” it. The dog needs comprehensive training. Your occasional discipline will likely just make the dog (and her) hate you. But then the ante gets upped by the discussion of how if her dog isn’t safe around a baby, your dog has to be dispatched, too. So at issue here is not what do you do with your dogs, but what do you do with each other. This is a really good opportunity to see how you two address conflict and arrive at compromise. So far, I’m not impressed.
Great response from Prudie.

Since: Jan 14

Location hidden

#18 Apr 29, 2014
cheluzal wrote:
1: Use.your.words. Grrr...taking pictures non-stop would be annoying. Tell them and be prepared for their whiny guilt trip, but do not relent. This is affecting your kids' love for them.
2: As I am fiercely anti-animals, I refuse to live with animals. I also think animal lovers need to stop seeing us as terrorists because of it!
That being said, I don't think it's wrong to accept a compromise (dog in garage or outside but not in house) if the other is amenable. If not, it's fisticuffs.
I had a very agreeable break because I couldn't live with animals and he couldn't put it out of the house. It was stated calmly and we moved on. Clear communication, no time wasting in a long relationship.
I would never date long-term and freaking move in expecting it to change.
Wow, Suzy Sunshine...fiercely anti-animals, terrorist? The only thing terrorist about you is that you think dogs should live outside or in a garage. Be as anti-animal as you want, so what? You're entitled to your opinion, I don't think people think that's terrorist,

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#19 Apr 29, 2014
Why are you so fiercely anti-animal? My dog has lived in and been my companion for over 8 years. He has slept by my side every night and greeted me every morning with a happy growl and a playful game of "bury me in the blankets and smack me upside the head"

What gives you the right to dictate my relationship with my buddy? I dont see you as a terrorist, but I do see you as an ass. I am not going to compromise, my pets are part of my family and asking me to choose between you and them will only leave you on the curb.
If I am supposed to accept you with your baggage, then you are supposed to accept me for mine, and mine have paws.

and FWIW... I think you are denying yourself a very great gift by not accepting an animal into your life.... A kitten can teach you so much about about what joy means, but maybe its better that you dont, so a kitten will never be taught what it doesn't mean.
cheluzal wrote:
2: As I am fiercely anti-animals, I refuse to live with animals. I also think animal lovers need to stop seeing us as terrorists because of it!
That being said, I don't think it's wrong to accept a compromise (dog in garage or outside but not in house) if the other is amenable. If not, it's fisticuffs.
I had a very agreeable break because I couldn't live with animals and he couldn't put it out of the house. It was stated calmly and we moved on. Clear communication, no time wasting in a long relationship.
I would never date long-term and freaking move in expecting it to change.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#20 Apr 30, 2014
RACE wrote:
Why are you so fiercely anti-animal? My dog has lived in and been my companion for over 8 years. He has slept by my side every night and greeted me every morning with a happy growl and a playful game of "bury me in the blankets and smack me upside the head"
What gives you the right to dictate my relationship with my buddy? I dont see you as a terrorist, but I do see you as an ass. I am not going to compromise, my pets are part of my family and asking me to choose between you and them will only leave you on the curb.
If I am supposed to accept you with your baggage, then you are supposed to accept me for mine, and mine have paws.
and FWIW... I think you are denying yourself a very great gift by not accepting an animal into your life.... A kitten can teach you so much about about what joy means, but maybe its better that you dont, so a kitten will never be taught what it doesn't mean.
<quoted text>
I often jokingly gripe about my mutts, but they are protectors, they cheer me up when I am sad, they comfort me when I am sick and they warn me if something at the house is amiss. They are loyal and wonderful members of my family. No one could convince me to get rid of them!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#21 Apr 30, 2014
RACE wrote:
Why are you so fiercely anti-animal? My dog has lived in and been my companion for over 8 years. He has slept by my side every night and greeted me every morning with a happy growl and a playful game of "bury me in the blankets and smack me upside the head"
What gives you the right to dictate my relationship with my buddy? I dont see you as a terrorist, but I do see you as an ass. I am not going to compromise, my pets are part of my family and asking me to choose between you and them will only leave you on the curb.
If I am supposed to accept you with your baggage, then you are supposed to accept me for mine, and mine have paws.
and FWIW... I think you are denying yourself a very great gift by not accepting an animal into your life.... A kitten can teach you so much about about what joy means, but maybe its better that you dont, so a kitten will never be taught what it doesn't mean.
<quoted text>
She's kind of all over the board on this. Does not want to be considered a terrorist, but begins with a "compromise" of banishing the dogs to the yard or garage. Then moves on to fisticuffs.

Hard to reconcile that with her sensible closing statements about not movong in with someone and expectong things to change.

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