Abby 12-6

[edogxxx]

DEAR ABBY: Alzheimer's and other dementias are a growing epidemic in America. Frequently, co-workers are the ones who notice a decline in functioning.

Could you please remind your readers to speak up to a family member when they see their co-workers struggling? My 62-year-old husband was recently diagnosed, and I have since learned that his co-workers spotted his troubles long before I did at home. Had I been informed, he could possibly have retired on disability and have Medicare today (which he does not now). Additionally, he would have known to have structured his retirement to include survivorship on his pension, which he did not.

I realize his co-workers were in a difficult spot, so I'm not blaming them, but I'm hoping a few words from you might get the word out to others: Friends, when you notice someone is declining, please speak up.-- DONNA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DONNA: I'm sorry about your husband's diagnosis. Although there have been warnings that it was coming for years, the Alzheimer's epidemic is here now and millions more families will be touched by this progressive -- and ultimately fatal -- disease unless its course can be altered.

As you have so poignantly stated, there are benefits to the early detection of Alzheimer's, including the opportunity to take advantage of available treatments, leverage resources in the workplace, plan for the future and seek help.

According to the Alzheimer's Association, knowing the warning signs of Alzheimer's and speaking up when you notice them are critical to early detection and receiving the best possible care. While this may be an uncomfortable conversation, if you notice these signs in anyone -- including a colleague -- it is extremely important to share your concerns with the family or with someone in human resources. The person should be evaluated by a physician. A doctor will be able to determine whether the symptoms are caused by Alzheimer's disease or something else.

To learn the 10 Early Signs and Symptoms of Alzheimer's, visit alz. org/ 10signs.
DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, my brother told me his wife had been having an affair. Needless to say, they divorced and I sided with my brother.

A few days ago, I learned that my brother was actually the one who had been having the affair, not my sister-in-law. He and his current wife had a child they claimed was her first husband's, and when they married he "adopted" all of her children from her first marriage.

Because we lived in different states at the time it was easy to believe what I was told. I think that my ex-sister-in-law deserves an apology from us all. At the same time, I want to confront my brother about the lie. We are still not sure if the child, who is now an adult, knows my brother is really her biological father.-- LIED TO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LIED TO: I don't think it is ever too late to offer an apology where one is needed, so contact your former sister-in-law and tell her that you now know the truth and you are sorry. Because you feel the need to speak your mind to your brother, do so.

However, whether your niece knows that your brother is her biological father is not your business, and you certainly should not be the person to enlighten her if she doesn't know. That news should come from her parents.

[edogxxx]

2- "and you certainly should not be the person to enlighten her if she doesn't know."

The LW never said she was going to.

[RedheadwGlasses]

L1: "Could you please remind your readers to speak up to a family member when they see their co-workers struggling?" How about FAMILY MEMBERS do this? I'm not going to call Bob's wife and tell her that he may have dementia or that he's slipping at work.

L2: The kid is GROWN now? Why don't you just let sleeping dogs lie and leave your former SIL alone, and stay out of people's craziness?

" I want to confront my brother about the lie. We are still not sure if the child, who is now an adult, knows my brother is really her biological father."

This implies that she thinks the kid should know the "truth." But LW doesn't know what the truth is and should keep her opinions to herself.

[RACE]

1 Seems odd that you say the people who occasionally interact with your husband for a few hours a day should notice something before you would.

2 Jerrrry,Jerrrry,Jerrrry,Jerrrr y,Jerrrry!

[RedheadwGlasses]

RACE wrote:

2 Jerrrry,Jerrrry,Jerrrry,Jerrrr y,Jerrrry!

ha!

[pde]

RACE wrote:

1 Seems odd that you say the people who occasionally interact with your husband for a few hours a day should notice something before you would.

I don't find it odd that co-workers would notice before family members, especially with someone who is working full-time in a white collar job.

Working in a white collar job often requires meeting participation, producing some form of written documentation/communications on a regular basis, and simply the ability to think about a whole lot of things. Decreasing mental acuity is going to be a lot more noticeable in that type of environment than at home. A lot of the stuff you do at home simply doesn't actually require that much thinking, a lot of home-stuff is pretty rote and scheduled.

[Saluki Rod]

1 Hello, Mrs. RACE? Yeah, RACE is smoking his coffee and drinking his cigarettes again.....oh? He's always done that?....Well then, never mind.

2 MYOB dude. He's still your brother.

[Sublime1]

LW1: I don't want to get involved in other co-workers medical issues or play a wannabe Dr.

LW2: Let it be.

[Romo]

LW1- Quite sad but what's done is done and she needs to work out how best to take care of her husband and herself during these twilight years.

LW2- Before saying or doing anything, LW2 needs to cautiously consider the source and how do these allegations jibe with what LW2 has irrefutable proof. Too many parties could be hurt needlessly if these allegations turn out to be those of a troublemaker counting on LW2 believing them without even hearing out anyone else.

[squishymama]

LW1: Most people are not going to have a way to contact a co-worker's family or want to get involved in something that's not really their business.

I have no idea what my co-worker's spouse's names are or what their home phone numbers are. And being in HR I could look all that up, and break about 4 rules in the process. This is really something for supervisors to handle; this is the kind of sh!t that falls within their pay-grade.

LW2: Apologize to the ex-SIL and butt out of the rest of it.

[RACE]

Ha-ha!

Saluki Rod wrote:

1 Hello, Mrs. RACE? Yeah, RACE is smoking his coffee and drinking his cigarettes again.....oh? He's always done that?....Well then, never mind.
2 MYOB dude. He's still your brother.

[Sam I Am]

1. Yes, because a person would be so open to a stranger from work saying they know something about a spouse that they don't.

2. I think the apology would be nice. And your brother is a d-i-c-k.

[RedheadwGlasses]

Sam I Am wrote:

your brother is a d-i-c-k.

Big time.

[Toj]

L1: Workplaces operating differently depending on type of work, region, etc. There are some types of work that definitely coworkers would be the first to know. Some, not so much.

L2: I wonder the how and why she is so sure she has the correct information now.

[Saluki Rod]

Toj wrote:

L1: Workplaces operating differently depending on type of work, region, etc. There are some types of work that definitely coworkers would be the first to know. Some, not so much.

We'd all know if the guy was an air traffic controller. Kinda hard to ignore the planes landing on highways.

[Toj]

Saluki Rod wrote:

<quoted text>
We'd all know if the guy was an air traffic controller. Kinda hard to ignore the planes landing on highways.

Or a doctor that takes the kidney out instead of the gallbladder.

Or the architect that puts a swingset in the plans of a business center atrium.

[edogxxx]

Romo wrote:

LW2- Before saying or doing anything, LW2 needs to cautiously consider the source and how do these allegations jibe with what LW2 has irrefutable proof. Too many parties could be hurt needlessly if these allegations turn out to be those of a troublemaker counting on LW2 believing them without even hearing out anyone else.

I tend to give the lw's the benefit of the doubt when they use terms like "I recently LEARNED" or "I recently FOUND OUT" or "I recently DISCOVERED" rather than something like "my friend's brother's cousin's sister's bridesmaid told my uncle's boyfriend's former lover who told me that..." If there was ambiguity and skepticism with the information, the lw's usually note that when asking for advice.

[Romo]

Romo wrote:

LW2- Before saying or doing anything, LW2 needs to cautiously consider the source and how do these allegations jibe with what LW2 has irrefutable proof. Too many parties could be hurt needlessly if these allegations turn out to be those of a troublemaker counting on LW2 believing them without even hearing out anyone else.

edogxxx wrote:

<quoted text>
I tend to give the lw's the benefit of the doubt when they use terms like "I recently LEARNED" or "I recently FOUND OUT" or "I recently DISCOVERED" rather than something like "my friend's brother's cousin's sister's bridesmaid told my uncle's boyfriend's former lover who told me that..." If there was ambiguity and skepticism with the information, the lw's usually note that when asking for advice.

Edgoxx,
Not an invalid point. However; I HAVE seen cases in which folks have instantly believed the allegations of troublemakers and considered these allegations irrefutable fact without considering the source or even attempting to hear out the actual parties involved. I'm not saying the brother and SIL couldn't have trashed the exSIL or had the affair resulting in the SIL's kid but I don't think the allegations MUST be case just because another party made these claims which is why I think LW2 should carefully evaluate the source and allegations themselves before saying/doing anything!