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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Mar 31, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years and have two children. My husband has what I can only describe as an Internet addiction. He's literally online from the time I go to bed until I wake up to take our kids to school. I checked and discovered many profiles he has made up on different dating sites.

When I confronted him, he told me he has no interest in having an affair. He said he has been depressed for some time, and it's his way of escaping reality. I recommended he talk to a therapist, but he keeps trying to justify his behavior by telling me I have no reason to feel hurt because it's all "make-believe."

Our relationship has taken a serious dive since I found out. I no longer trust him alone on the computer. I am also no longer attracted to him, and I no longer feel attractive. I don't know what I can do to be a supportive partner if he won't admit he has a problem. Please help me. I'm at a total loss.-- SECOND TO A SCREEN NAME

DEAR SECOND: May I be frank? First on your agenda should be to take care of yourself and your own emerging depression. If that means talking to a professional, then go for it.

You have every right to be angry about what your husband has been doing. It isn't harmless, and it isn't effective therapy for his depression. Much as you might wish to, you can't fix his problem -- which is trying to escape from reality. Only he can do that. Let's hope he'll find the courage to face what he's trying to escape from while your marriage is still salvageable.
14 comments. Join the discussion.
Victim of Abuse Is Reluctant to Join Family in the Afterlife

DEAR ABBY: I am not suicidal, but I do think about death, in the sense of what happens when one dies. I believe in the heaven-and-hell theory. Although I'm not sure I want to go to heaven, I AM sure I don't want to go to hell.

My reason for not wanting to go to heaven is because of the relatives who have gone before me. I come from a very abusive family but, like so many, most of them have been able to do what I call the "last-minute redemption." With that in mind, I do not want to spend all of eternity with the same people I could not wait to have exit this Earth.

I am also not a big believer in this forgiveness thing -- forgiving adults who do these things to children and expect them to forget about it. I sure haven't, and I never will!

Do you, or the clergy, think it's possible for God to just let some of us sleep through eternity without meeting up with family on "the other side"?-- OWENSBORO, KY., READER

DEAR READER: Because I am more involved with what's going on in this life rather than the next, I took your question to Rev. Canon Mark Stanger of Grace Cathedral in San Francisco. He suggests that you stop thinking about heaven as a "place" or that you need a scorecard to get there. He also said: "A merciful God will make heaven what you need -- and in your case, heaven may be liberation from these troubled people."

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Mar 31, 2014
Lw1: when the f does this guy sleep? Does he have a job?

Lw2: what padre said. And you don't know if they made it to heaven.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#3 Mar 31, 2014
LW1: Tell him his children need him here in *this* reality and if he doesn't go and get some kind of professional help, you will be leaving.

LW2: And do you believe that god will be fooled by the "last-minute redemption" of your family members?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Mar 31, 2014
1 Relax, it's all make believe. Many of us have multiple socks that we wear. It is all harmless fun. Maybe he is pretending to be a shrink? YOu could make your own profile and ask him for advice.

2 Heaven is a reward, and if you want your reward to be a dirt nap, I am sure you will be accommodated.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Mar 31, 2014
1- If he has multiple profiles on dating sites and won't sleep in bed with you, I'd say your marriage is on the rocks

2- Are you fking insane?

I don't wanna live forever
but I don't wanna die

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#6 Mar 31, 2014
1. You can't figure out all by your self that your marriage has been over for a while. Get rid of the bum now.

2. Who care.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#7 Mar 31, 2014
2. Who careS.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#8 Mar 31, 2014
So the notion that you forsake the devil and ask for forgiveness from God may get you forgiveness but not necessarily a ticket into Heaven?

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#9 Mar 31, 2014
L2. I never believed in all that hocus pocus anyway

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#10 Mar 31, 2014
What gives you the right to belittle someone's faith.
Cant you just say you dont believe, and stop? Why add the dig about it being "hocus pocus?\"
That is very disrespectful IMHO

Would you say the same to a muslim, jew or FSM?
loose cannon wrote:
L2. I never believed in all that hocus pocus anyway

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Mar 31, 2014
RACE wrote:
That is very disrespectful IMHO
Would you say the same to a muslim, jew or FSM?
<quoted text>
I believe the correct term is pastafarian.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#12 Mar 31, 2014
Shows what I know!
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I believe the correct term is pastafarian.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 Mar 31, 2014
PEllen wrote:
So the notion that you forsake the devil and ask for forgiveness from God may get you forgiveness but not necessarily a ticket into Heaven?
If you are responding to me, what I was getting at is, that belief is predicated on the person truly being sorry in their heart for what they have done. No one can ever truly know what is in someone else's heart. So the idea that LW KNOWS they got last minute redemption is flawed.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#14 Mar 31, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>If you are responding to me, what I was getting at is, that belief is predicated on the person truly being sorry in their heart for what they have done. No one can ever truly know what is in someone else's heart. So the idea that LW KNOWS they got last minute redemption is flawed.
This. Anyone can say the right words. It's what's in your heart that counts and only God knows that.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#15 Mar 31, 2014
Team Tonka & Stina!

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#16 Mar 31, 2014
L1: Look up the word gullible in the dictionary. After seeing your picture, pull out the yellow pages and find a divorce lawyer.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#17 Mar 31, 2014
LW1: Divorce.

LW2: You can just hang out by the stripper factory when those relatives are by the beer volcano and then hang out by beer volcano when those relatives are hanging out by the stripper factory FSM has made heaven what you need.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#18 Mar 31, 2014
LW1: Your husband claims to be on multiple dating sites for harmless fun? Exactly what do his profiles say? At best, he is a liar who is leading unsuspecting women on for his own amusement. At worst, he is conspiring to cheat. Neither one of these scenarios is good. If he's depressed, he needs to see a doctor, period, and that goes for you, too. If he will not see a doctor nor consider marriage counseling, find a good attorney.

LW2: Heaven is a place devoid of Earthly problems.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#19 Mar 31, 2014
1. Figure out which sites he is on. Make a fake profile of your own and see of you can get him to want to match up with you. Keep screen shots

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#20 Mar 31, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>If you are responding to me, what I was getting at is, that belief is predicated on the person truly being sorry in their heart for what they have done. No one can ever truly know what is in someone else's heart. So the idea that LW KNOWS they got last minute redemption is flawed.
I guess I have a problem with someone who feels remorse in their heart at his death bed. My question , and I think the LW's question, is whether the remorse is for the deeds done or remorse that the person may be headed for Hell. Neither approach adresses the impact of the original conduct on other people and perhaps is one of the more narcissistic thing a person could do.

I stand with LW that the request for forgiveness is hypocritical and self serving and that God knows the difference. From what I hear in church and have read, though, that's not the story that is sold to the "sinners".

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