Amy 10-14

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Oct 14, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I have been happily married for 21 years. Communication is great, we rarely argue and we spend a lot of time together. We have two wonderful teen daughters.

Unfortunately, I have a major problem. I am completely consumed by lust. I was faithful the first 15 years of marriage but for the past six years I have had intimate affairs with 23 (and counting) girls in their 20s. I hook up with them on "sugar daddy" websites.

Thankfully this terrible action on my part has not caused any financial burden or STDs. I have considered seeing a sex therapist but I think my urges are too strong to fix. Recent example: I was shopping and came upon a hot 20-something. The second I saw her, my heart rate doubled and I had butterflies in my stomach. I started to approach her for a potential date but she walked away.

Believe it or not, I am a Christian and a churchgoer. I have extreme remorse over my behavior but can't stop it. Sometimes I think it would be best if I simply filed for divorce so I don't continue hurting people.-- Hopeless in the Suburbs

DEAR HOPELESS: Divorcing your wife will not diminish the hurt you are causing -- it doesn't even touch the damage you are doing to yourself (and others).

You sign your letter "Hopeless," which illustrates the personal hell of an addiction that is consuming you. The description of your physical sensations and intention to approach a stranger in a store for sex puts you in the predator category. This compulsion is personally and spiritually degrading. It is also in direct conflict with your stated personal values.

There is help for you, but you need to be honest with your wife, admit your powerlessness over this and seek professional help and treatment. The next time you are tempted to use the Internet to hunt for another sugar baby, I hope you will be brave enough to find help for yourself instead. The Society for the Advancement for Sexual Health offers information and links to articles, professionals and 12-step groups.

DEAR AMY: I have (or thought I had) a great friend named "Carol."

When my (verbally and physically) abusive ex-husband and I broke up last spring I told her about it and she was very sympathetic, telling me I should go to the police and that he deserves to be in jail. The ex is completely unrepentant and insists he beat me because I should have "respected him more."

Now Carol works with this creep and is singing another tune! She brought him up in conversation and I told her not to talk about him around me. She then told me they were friends and that his name was going to come up from time to time, so I should get over it because their office is "so tight knit."

Amy, am I missing a rule of office etiquette that dictates that you need to be friends with the office wife-beater?

Is this girl missing a major empathy switch?-- Healing

DEAR HEALING: Yes, I'd say your friend's empathy switch is faulty.

You cannot control who other people choose to associate with, but it is reasonable to ask a friend to leave your abusive ex out of the narrative. In refusing your request, "Carol" is telling you that you don't control her and that she will do and say exactly as she pleases. Believe her. Now it's up to you. If you can't adjust, then I'd say it's a friendship deal-breaker.

If this man physically assaulted you during your marriage and you believe you can prove it, you should consider going to the police.

DEAR AMY: Your response to "Eager" was harsh. She was eager to meet in person a guy she had communicated with on Facebook. Seriously, I don't think it's crazy to want to take an online situation into a real-life situation within a week.-- Sam

DEAR SAM: What I labeled as crazy was "Eager's" flat out refusal to understand and respect statements this guy was making saying that he simply wasn't ready to meet.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#2
Oct 14, 2013
 

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1 Write again when you have a problem.

2 Carol is tapping him too! Wait till she gets a shiner, then laugh in her face.

3 I missed eager's letter, is she hot?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#3
Oct 14, 2013
 

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1. I understand addictions and that it is difficult to give up something that give pleasure even if the pleasure i fleeting and has a high cost.

Its also a tough addiction to follow up on. I can ask a friend if he has stayed dry or stayed away from weed. It is not easy to ask if someone has stayed away from the honey's. Even writing this response make it a challenge to find words which are not a double entendre.

How do you ask Tiger Woods if he is sticking to one at a time now?
2. You need to drop Carole as a friend, but your revenge is brewing. In that tight knit office, she will get to be better friends with your ex and he will beat her, too.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Brooklyn, NY

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#4
Oct 14, 2013
 

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1- This goes beyond a mere sex addiction. He's got a thing for young girls. And he has teen daughters. I'll go as far as to say they might be at risk. He's already approaching girls in the super market, how long before he tries luring them into his car?
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

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#5
Oct 14, 2013
 
edog, you put it into another light that really creeps me out. Can't imagine how his wife is going to deal with this. Oh, how twisted the mind can be.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#6
Oct 14, 2013
 

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LW1: You’re my hero.:p

If you aren't willing to change and don't want to hurt anyone, divorce or be open about it, which could lead to a divorce. Your call.

LW2: Your friend sounds like a PITA. Find a new one.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Oct 14, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
1- This goes beyond a mere sex addiction. He's got a thing for young girls. And he has teen daughters. I'll go as far as to say they might be at risk. He's already approaching girls in the super market, how long before he tries luring them into his car?
Girls in their 20s are different than teens. Most chicks working strip clubs are in their 20s and damn they be fine..

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Brooklyn, NY

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#8
Oct 14, 2013
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Girls in their 20s are different than teens. Most chicks working strip clubs are in their 20s and damn they be fine..
I don't believe that he'll nail a 21yr old, but not a 17 yr old. Something tells me this guy would do a 12 yr old if he could get away with it.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#9
Oct 14, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't believe that he'll nail a 21yr old, but not a 17 yr old. Something tells me this guy would do a 12 yr old if he could get away with it.
He said girls in their 20s ... he didn't say 21.

Just cause you'd nail women who are in their 20s isn't really indicative that you'd nail a 12 year old.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Brooklyn, NY

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#10
Oct 14, 2013
 
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
He said girls in their 20s ... he didn't say 21.
Just cause you'd nail women who are in their 20s isn't really indicative that you'd nail a 12 year old.
21 yr olds aren't in their twenties?

I get the impression dude would go younger if he can, but thirteen year olds are less likely to be on a "sugar daddy" website.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#11
Oct 14, 2013
 

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LW1: I'm curious as to how LW finds the time to hook up with these "sugar babies" if he spends a lot of time with his wife. I wonder how he's managed to keep this a secret from her. I would recommend that LW see a counselor who specializes in addiction and I would also recommend that he not tell his wife if he wants to stay married. This is his problem to overcome.

LW2: Dump Carol. She is disloyal. You can make better friends.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#12
Oct 14, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>I get the impression dude would go younger if he can.
We aren't talking about you. We are talking about the guy in the letter. Keep your focus ...stop thinking of 12 year olds.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#13
Oct 14, 2013
 

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L1. It takes two to tango, Casanova.
You're not fooling anyone, least of all me.
Guess who your wife's been bangin' while you've been running all around town....
Does the name Larry Holmes ring a bell?
TKO

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#14
Oct 14, 2013
 

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Sometimes, I am just in awe of you.
loose cannon wrote:
L1. It takes two to tango, Casanova.
You're not fooling anyone, least of all me.
Guess who your wife's been bangin' while you've been running all around town....
Does the name Larry Holmes ring a bell?
TKO

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#15
Oct 14, 2013
 

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loose cannon wrote:
L1. It takes two to tango, Casanova.
You're not fooling anyone, least of all me.
Guess who your wife's been bangin' while you've been running all around town....
Does the name Larry Holmes ring a bell?
TKO
Are you mixing him up with John Holmes?

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