Amy 10-12

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Oct 12, 2012
 
DEAR AMY: My daughter, who has three children (ages 5, 7 and 9) and who has been in three or four serious relationships since her marriage ended, now has a new boyfriend. He's very nice, but she lets him sleep over when her children are there.

They talk about how mommy has her boyfriend sleep over, and I'm afraid that they will be hurt by this. Her other boyfriends slept over, too, but I think the children are old enough now to know what's what and that they could be hurt by this.

She doesn't listen to anything I have to say and thinks they're too young to understand or be hurt by this. The kids spend a lot of time with the boyfriend and talk about how they "love" him. What should I do to make sure my grandchildren don't get hurt or messed up by their mother's actions?-- Sad Gran

DEAR GRAN: Let's assume for the sake of argument that your daughter always chooses to be with men who are wonderful and trustworthy and pose no threat to her or the kids. Unfortunately, the more men who pass through the household, the more likely it is that one or more of them might not be appropriate as part of the family.

She should be extremely careful and private with her romantic relationships until she has a relationship with someone that will be long term.

However, it is possible that for these kids, their mother has done this often enough that this is more or less normal for them. They will grow quickly attached to whoever is there, and if the guy is good to her and to them, it will work out until he is gone.

Breakups are hard on everyone, but the kids will carry the heaviest emotional consequences of having different men pass through their lives. Your daughter will see this when they are older and forming, or unable to form, lasting attachments of their own.

But your daughter will not listen to you (or to me) about this, and so you should do what she won't: Put the children first. Spend as much time with these kids as you can. Don't ever criticize their mother or put these children on the spot. Be a positive, calm, loving and stable presence in their lives.

DEAR AMY: My son began kindergarten this year. Maybe it's an overreaction, but I was shocked to see a note about head lice in his class. Was I worried about head lice? No. What concerned me was the number of spelling and grammatical errors in the four-paragraph letter. I don't want to subject my son to resentment from his teachers or the principal, but really, this is the institution to which I have entrusted my son for his early education!

At the very least, mistakes are unprofessional and unnecessary with spell-check. The letter doesn't inspire much confidence. I have considered writing an anonymous letter to the principal but don't want to seem nitpicky (excuse the pun). Do you think I should point it out to the school or let it ride?-- Mum on Spelling

DEAR MUM: There is no need to send an anonymous note about this. This is an issue familiar to many parents, and you should raise it openly with the principal. Your child's teacher may be terrific and perfectly placed at the kindergarten level. But part of her job is to communicate effectively with the parents, and in this regard, she needs to be more professional.

DEAR AMY: Regarding the question from "Concerned Mother," who was uncomfortable with her daughter having Barbie dolls: When I was growing up, I loved my Barbies. I lined them up and we played school. I taught them what I learned in class. I helped them solve little-girl problems.

For a child, there is much more to a Barbie than the way she looks. This mom should relax and allow her 5-year-old's imagination to take over.-- Barbie Fan

DEAR FAN: I agree.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#2
Oct 12, 2012
 
LW1: "What should I do to make sure my grandchildren don't get hurt or messed up by their mother's actions?"
You can't do anything other than nag your daughter, and that does not seem to have worked.

LW2: Is the note from the teacher? Or is it a schoolwide note sent home with everyone and likely typed up by the nurse or school secretary? Not that it makes it excusable, but if it was not the teacher, then you have less to be concerned about.

LW3: Is this gonna be a oncea week rehash from here on out? Can I get some bacon too?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#3
Oct 12, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW1: "What should I do to make sure my grandchildren don't get hurt or messed up by their mother's actions?"
You can't do anything other than nag your daughter, and that does not seem to have worked.
LW2: Is the note from the teacher? Or is it a schoolwide note sent home with everyone and likely typed up by the nurse or school secretary? Not that it makes it excusable, but if it was not the teacher, then you have less to be concerned about.
LW3: Is this gonna be a oncea week rehash from here on out? Can I get some bacon too?
LW1-Offer to take the kids a night a week for their own sleep over so daughter can have a date night

Gramma clearly does not approve of her daughter sleeping with me.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#4
Oct 12, 2012
 

Judged:

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Sleeping with MEN

Since: Jan 10

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#5
Oct 12, 2012
 
L1: You used the phrase "hurt by this" three times and the word "hurt" itself four times. WTH?

"They will grow quickly attached to whoever is there,"

I doubt it, Amy. I think it's more likely that they'll purposely avoid forming an attachment to mom's boyfriends.

L2: The letter came from school administration (i.e., principal), not from an individual teacher, and every kid got the letter. I would mark it up with a red pen and send it to the principal AND the superintendent.

However, I knew a lot of elementary ed majors in college, and most of them were not bright people. Grade-school-level math was a challenge for them. They loved kids, but high IQs were not evident.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#6
Oct 12, 2012
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
LW1-Offer to take the kids a night a week for their own sleep over so daughter can have a date night
Gramma clearly does not approve of her daughter sleeping with me.
And if mom currently has her bf over more than once a week? Still in the aame boat.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Oct 12, 2012
 
LW1: Reason number 453 why some folks shouldn’t breed.

LW2: Eh, you can say something. I also don’t have a problem with an anonymous letter.

Since: Jan 10

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#8
Oct 12, 2012
 
The kids should be (SHOULD be) with their dad 50% of the time, which would give mom plenty of time for a boyfriend without enmeshing her kids' lives with her adult life so soon.

If dad does have the kids half the time and mom is still doing this, maybe dad should get more custody, because that means mom's putting her own wants before her kids.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#9
Oct 12, 2012
 
1 Your daughter is acting trampy. She should ask you to watch her spawn when she transforms into the beast with two backs.

2 a bazillion dollars of lottery money to education over the last 20 yerar and you still churn out idiots.

3 Nom nommm bacon
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#10
Oct 12, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: The letter came from school administration (i.e., principal), not from an individual teacher, and every kid got the letter. I would mark it up with a red pen and send it to the principal AND the superintendent.
On Monday, we received two letters stapled together from the school, informing us of a new reading program that was being implemented for the first grade. The one on top, signed "from the 1st grade teachers" was concise, well-written, and very nicely described the new program. The one underneath, which was "signed" by the principal and apparently the official district letter about the new program, was absolutely terrible. I'm not even sure I would have understood what was going on if I'd only received the district letter.

That the first grade teachers knew that a different, more informative letter needed to be sent home tells me that they are aware of how terrible the official letter is. And if they can't get anything done about it beyond sending home a second letter ...

Since: Jan 10

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#11
Oct 12, 2012
 
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
On Monday, we received two letters stapled together from the school, informing us of a new reading program that was being implemented for the first grade. The one on top, signed "from the 1st grade teachers" was concise, well-written, and very nicely described the new program. The one underneath, which was "signed" by the principal and apparently the official district letter about the new program, was absolutely terrible. I'm not even sure I would have understood what was going on if I'd only received the district letter.
That the first grade teachers knew that a different, more informative letter needed to be sent home tells me that they are aware of how terrible the official letter is. And if they can't get anything done about it beyond sending home a second letter ...
Wow. And they knew to differentiate their letter by saying specifically who it was from.
Sam I Am

Schaumburg, IL

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#12
Oct 12, 2012
 
1. What your daughter is doing is wrong, and you can't do a darn thing about it. All you can do is be there for the kids as much as possible.

2. Grade it in red ink and send a copy to the principal.

3.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#13
Oct 12, 2012
 
LW1: I don't like Amy's judgmental tone, but she's right about putting the kids first. Looks like that will have to be you doing, tho.

LW2: Pretty sure the teacher did not write the letter, so please feel free to berate the admin staff at the school as you see fit.

LW3: How many times are we gonna have to read a letter that says basically the same thing?

It's a f*cking doll! We get that already.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#14
Oct 12, 2012
 
L2: This would drive me NUTS!

I once received a flyer thing in the mail at work about a grammar & spelling workshop. It read "enrol today." I wrote them a note saying they might want to fix the spelling on their flyer for a spelling workshop. The next time I got it, it had been corrected.

Since: Jan 10

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#15
Oct 12, 2012
 
j_m_w wrote:
L2: This would drive me NUTS!
I once received a flyer thing in the mail at work about a grammar & spelling workshop. It read "enrol today." I wrote them a note saying they might want to fix the spelling on their flyer for a spelling workshop. The next time I got it, it had been corrected.
I once marked up all the errors in the West St. Paul city newsletter and sent it to the mayor. THe last few I've gotten have been nearly perfect (with "errors" being more of a preference thing than a hard-and-fast rule being broken).

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#16
Oct 12, 2012
 
One of my friends, before she had kids, was a teacher and then a principal of a high school. She's smart but lazy as hell with spelling/grammar/punctuation and just small details in general. I hope she had people proofreading her stuff. I can't tell you how many times she'd say something stupid and we'd all be like "You were a TEACHER?! Responsible for shaping young minds on a daily basis?" Although, it was in Texas, so maybe they don't care as much about that there. ;)
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#17
Oct 12, 2012
 

Judged:

1

And sometimes, teh spell check program just throws up its metaphorical hands in disgust.

One of the guys gave me an IE add on program that would be a spell checker in formats like Topix.

It works except it has stopped highlighting "teh" as a spelling error

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#18
Oct 12, 2012
 
You probably told it to add it to the dictionary
PEllen wrote:
And sometimes, teh spell check program just throws up its metaphorical hands in disgust.
One of the guys gave me an IE add on program that would be a spell checker in formats like Topix.
It works except it has stopped highlighting "teh" as a spelling error

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#19
Oct 12, 2012
 
L1: Good advice from Amy b/c there's nothing really this mother can do.

L2: Overstating the situation, I believe. A lot of very intelligent people can't spell worth crap. If it bothers you, mark it up and send it back to the school.

L3: I think Amy still plays with her Barbies.
red head

Markham, IL

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#20
Oct 12, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I once marked up all the errors in the West St. Paul city newsletter and sent it to the mayor. THe last few I've gotten have been nearly perfect (with "errors" being more of a preference thing than a hard-and-fast rule being broken).
what are you wearing right now --i bet your hot..postsome pictures

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