“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#41 Oct 19, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Yep, sure did. I'm waiting for the day when she realizes it too. We're gonna have a celebration!
I did tell her a few days ago that I was very concerned about some of the stuff she told me about him and that she's my friend and I love her and I don't want to see her hurt. I'm trying....
Good, I'm glad you told her that. And we know you are. It's a hard position to be in, watching something like that.
pde

Palatine, IL

#42 Oct 19, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>So how does a woman who needs a shelter find one?
The woman either contacts the local police department, where she is then put in contact with one of the people in the department (or a social worker) who knows how to get her to the shelter, or the woman calls an abuse hotline and is put in contact with a local person who can transport her there.

I have friends who have volunteered as transporters to women's shelters. They have rules about revealing what they do, and revealing what they know/the locations of shelters; they break those rules, they can no longer volunteer.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#43 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, cause I'm sure the the location of a woman's shelter is a heavily guarded classified secret. And of course, if an abuser showes up there, he's gonna beat every woman there. That person is an idiot.
They are a closely guarded secret!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Denver, CO

#44 Oct 19, 2012
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
They are a closely guarded secret!
If you say so, but I drive past one every day. There's a big ol sign out front declaring what it is. Something like "Seven Saints Women's Haven" I think.
pde

Palatine, IL

#45 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
If you say so, but I drive past one every day. There's a big ol sign out front declaring what it is. Something like "Seven Saints Women's Haven" I think.
Are you sure it's not a halfway house rather than a domestic violence shelter? There are a lot of different levels of safe house out there. The the type of women's shelter where a woman seeking to flee from a known/convicted abuser will be sent tend to be much more heavily protected and guarded and often have some sort of contract of behavior that needs to be signed by the woman seeking shelter. At those shelters, the rules are there because they need to be there.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#46 Oct 19, 2012
When I worked at Legal Aid, only two lawyers knew where the shelter was, and they would go there only with certain police officers.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#47 Oct 19, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
This is the reason I figured, but making someone quit their job DOES sound totally counter-productive to getting them out of an abusive situation and being independent. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Plus, he can come and shoot up her workplace, which also makes for a bad day.

The shelter ultimitely helps the women get on their feet, but while they are there, they have what they need there, so it's almost like a transitional place.

This letter writer got married way too young and now has a kid and is in a real jam. She needs to get out now, even if it costs her a job. Jobs are replaceable. Lives aren't.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#48 Oct 19, 2012
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
Plus, he can come and shoot up her workplace, which also makes for a bad day.
The shelter ultimitely helps the women get on their feet, but while they are there, they have what they need there, so it's almost like a transitional place.
This letter writer got married way too young and now has a kid and is in a real jam. She needs to get out now, even if it costs her a job. Jobs are replaceable. Lives aren't.
and it sounds like her job is just a regular low-paying job. They're a dime a dozen. You can find another one.
Cass

San Bernardino, CA

#49 Oct 19, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know if it is the administrative office address or the actual housing that is listed. I wonder.
No. I once wanted to donate something to the House of Ruth. I googled them, but was the office address and phone number. Even then, I had to call them in advance to make sure they were waiting for me when I dropped the stuff off. There was a heavy fence around the building, I had to be buzzed into the office, come in alone, and there was a guard at the door. The employee I talked to was behind what looked like bullet-proof glass.

The precautions are not so much against abusive spouses and SOs beating up their abused exes, but against them shooting up the whole place in an Aurora-like carnage or worse.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#50 Oct 19, 2012
LW1: I think I'll go get one of those deadly breakfast burritos in the company cafeteria.

LW2: What Toj said. Take your child and go to the shelter of your choice ASAP before you become the next headline. This man has no remorse and isn't going to change. If you don't care about yourself, think about your child. Leave now.

LW3: At my workplace, we just take the dish out and leave it on the counter. At lunch time, there are always people waiting for the microwave.
Cass

San Bernardino, CA

#51 Oct 19, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>So how does a woman who needs a shelter find one?
She needs to call it first. It's often an 800 number.
EJG

United States

#52 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and have one child. I have been married for three years, and my husband has recently become physically abusive. He was prosecuted for his actions and pleaded guilty, but he still blames me entirely for the scenario and refuses to accept any responsibility.
I fear for the safety of myself and my daughter every day, and I want to leave him for good. Many of the shelters I have called require that I quit my job, which is something I feel is counterintuitive to establishing a life on my own, so I refuse. That said, I don't make much money, and the money I do make goes toward paying the fine my husband incurred for harming me.
Am I aiming too high? I feel the only way to break free from him entirely is to quit my job, but I don't want to have to resort to this. What would you advise?-- CONFLICTED OUT WEST
DEAR CONFLICTED: I would advise you to take your child and get out of there before the next episode of domestic violence. And, if you truly want to break free entirely from your abuser, that you follow to the letter the instructions you receive from the people at the domestic violence shelter. And one more thing: Let the person who incurred the fine pay it himself!
Why in the world would ANY shelter operator require a domestic abuse victim to quit their job as a requirement for receiving help? This make no sense and should be illegal! This young woman is able and WILLING to pay her own way! She is trying to do the right thing for the right reason, and is running into an idiotic roadblock, for which there is no good reason that I can think of. This particular rule must be done away with immediately because it may well prevent victims from seeking the help that they need. This rule is wrong, and SHAME on Abby for not saying so.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#53 Oct 19, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I haven't tried, but I'm guessing it's not that easy to Google shelters.
In regard to my friend A with the jackass boyfriend, my friend whose mom is a therapist suggested contacting an abuse hotline. I googled that, but to get any more information besides that they're out there, I would have had to actually call the 800-number. At that point, I'm guessing they would have been very cautious about who I am and what I want.
Speaking of A, she leaves today for her weekend trip with the jackass and his racist best friend. But I did get the scoop on how they almost broke up last week and she told me she put her foot down with him about how she was being treated (the latest: he was pissed at her because she had lunch with her married 65-year-old boss). She said he seems to have taken it to heart but also said they'd probably break up for real, so... <mimishrug>.
i called one that serves my area when teh shit hit the fan with my SIL, and i just explained that my SIL is out of their service area, do they ahve any suggestions for where she can go for assistance. They didn't, because they are so wrapped up in their own work, but gave the usual Salvation Army, Goodwill, etc. as places for her to start. I'm sure that the services in your area would be willing to point you in teh right direction of some prevention informaotin. Check with your church, they've got to know of one or two local services to start with.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#54 Oct 19, 2012
My company HR person did a good thing: Bought a second microwave for the kitchen.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#55 Oct 19, 2012
HA! i just went to dump my lunch garbage in the kitchen (ours is smaller than many 1/2 baths) nad there were 2 people in there, a third walks in saying "i just heard it beep" and one of the others ALREADY took her stuff out of the micro and set it on top...

but then, the 3rd person has a habit of leavign her stuff in there for a bit. her desk is just far enough away that she barely hears the beep, but she won't stay by the micro like most people...
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#56 Oct 19, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
They ARE heavily guarded secrets. Even in a police department, only certain cops will know where the shelter is.
I googled women's shelters for my city. The YWCA came up, and one other shelter which is a "day shelter" that gives referrals to other agencies. I assume that there are safe houses for abused women and this day shelter is mostly the contact point.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#57 Oct 19, 2012
OT: We just had an earthquake. A little roller. Checking USGS...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#58 Oct 19, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
OT: We just had an earthquake. A little roller. Checking USGS...
Yikes! Hope it's not a pretemor or something. I don't particularly like tornadoes nor blizzards (the extent really of bad weather/mother nature), but I wonder how I would take earthquakes. When we had one here it was nothing like you get in Cali I would imagine. It just shook my bed a bit and that was it. Wasn't, at the time, sure whether it was a big truck hitting a bump in the road or what.

Be careful out there.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#59 Oct 19, 2012
There's 2-3 microwaves on each floor here, and if you go at the wrong time you have to wait in line. For a number of reasons, capacity here is up lately, so you're likely to get shanked if you leave your stuff in there. Or burn popcorn. So help me FSM, I hate the popcorn people.

Also, the people with frozen meals that keep them frozen until lunch. You know you can let that shiz thaw all day and cut your cooking time, and therefore, my wait time in half, right?

I'm hungry. Forgot to eat lunch.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#60 Oct 19, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
There's 2-3 microwaves on each floor here, and if you go at the wrong time you have to wait in line. For a number of reasons, capacity here is up lately, so you're likely to get shanked if you leave your stuff in there. Or burn popcorn. So help me FSM, I hate the popcorn people.
Also, the people with frozen meals that keep them frozen until lunch. You know you can let that shiz thaw all day and cut your cooking time, and therefore, my wait time in half, right?
I'm hungry. Forgot to eat lunch.
I work with a woman who has burned popcorn for lunch every day.

She has a great body for her age, but if I have to eat burned popcorn everyday to get there, I'll stay squishy.

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