“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#21 Oct 19, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I asked in another forum about why would the woman need to quit her job, and someone said it's so the abusive spouse doesn't follow the wife home from her job and finds out where the shelter is, putting all the women there at risk.
Wouldn't it be easy enough to just Google where the shelters are?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Denver, CO

#22 Oct 19, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I asked in another forum about why would the woman need to quit her job, and someone said it's so the abusive spouse doesn't follow the wife home from her job and finds out where the shelter is, putting all the women there at risk.
Yeah, cause I'm sure the the location of a woman's shelter is a heavily guarded classified secret. And of course, if an abuser showes up there, he's gonna beat every woman there. That person is an idiot.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#23 Oct 19, 2012
LW1: Eat a big mac. Just do it!

LW2: I still haven’t seen a compelling explanation as to why you can’t leave him and still work?

LW3: You are way over-analyzing this.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#24 Oct 19, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
If a couple are divorcing, one parent can't just decide to take the kid and leave. The other parent still has parental rights. So how does this work in cases of abused women? How can she just take the kid and go, legally? Couldn't the father have her arrested for kidnapping?
I don't know but what I imagine is with the history, the shelter will have her get a restraining order against him. That shouldn't be too difficult.

The reason she has to leave her job, I'm sure, is because he knows where she works and he can get at her there. It's for her and her child's safety.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#25 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, cause I'm sure the the location of a woman's shelter is a heavily guarded classified secret. And of course, if an abuser showes up there, he's gonna beat every woman there. That person is an idiot.
We've all seen it on the news where someone shows up at the person's work b/c they know when they're going to be there and starts shooting. There's that.

Then there's the follow her to the shelter thing.

Then there's get her when she's going to or from work before she arrives, kill her, hide the body -- then the husband says he has no idea where she is she is suppose to be at work.

I see all kinds of scenarios and reasons why you have to quit your job.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#26 Oct 19, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
L3. There's a special place in hell for people who leave their stuff in a communal microwave.
Also: Washers and dryers.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#27 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, cause I'm sure the the location of a woman's shelter is a heavily guarded classified secret. And of course, if an abuser showes up there, he's gonna beat every woman there. That person is an idiot.
They ARE heavily guarded secrets. Even in a police department, only certain cops will know where the shelter is.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#28 Oct 19, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Wouldn't it be easy enough to just Google where the shelters are?
I don't know if it is the administrative office address or the actual housing that is listed. I wonder.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#29 Oct 19, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Wouldn't it be easy enough to just Google where the shelters are?
I haven't tried, but I'm guessing it's not that easy to Google shelters.

In regard to my friend A with the jackass boyfriend, my friend whose mom is a therapist suggested contacting an abuse hotline. I googled that, but to get any more information besides that they're out there, I would have had to actually call the 800-number. At that point, I'm guessing they would have been very cautious about who I am and what I want.

Speaking of A, she leaves today for her weekend trip with the jackass and his racist best friend. But I did get the scoop on how they almost broke up last week and she told me she put her foot down with him about how she was being treated (the latest: he was pissed at her because she had lunch with her married 65-year-old boss). She said he seems to have taken it to heart but also said they'd probably break up for real, so... <mimishrug>.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#30 Oct 19, 2012
LW1: I was thinking McDonald's, but others have suggested pizza. That seems like a good choice; it can still be sorta healthy.

LW2: "And one more thing: Let the person who incurred the fine pay it himself!"

No sh!t. Leave now.

LW3: The only thing you did wrong was wait 5 minutes before taking it out.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#31 Oct 19, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
They ARE heavily guarded secrets. Even in a police department, only certain cops will know where the shelter is.
Oh, that's good. Now it makes more sense.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#32 Oct 19, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I haven't tried, but I'm guessing it's not that easy to Google shelters.
In regard to my friend A with the jackass boyfriend, my friend whose mom is a therapist suggested contacting an abuse hotline. I googled that, but to get any more information besides that they're out there, I would have had to actually call the 800-number. At that point, I'm guessing they would have been very cautious about who I am and what I want.
Speaking of A, she leaves today for her weekend trip with the jackass and his racist best friend. But I did get the scoop on how they almost broke up last week and she told me she put her foot down with him about how she was being treated (the latest: he was pissed at her because she had lunch with her married 65-year-old boss). She said he seems to have taken it to heart but also said they'd probably break up for real, so... <mimishrug>.
He is insecure and controlling and she needs to DTMFA. But you knew that.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#33 Oct 19, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I haven't tried, but I'm guessing it's not that easy to Google shelters.
In regard to my friend A with the jackass boyfriend, my friend whose mom is a therapist suggested contacting an abuse hotline. I googled that, but to get any more information besides that they're out there, I would have had to actually call the 800-number. At that point, I'm guessing they would have been very cautious about who I am and what I want.
Speaking of A, she leaves today for her weekend trip with the jackass and his racist best friend. But I did get the scoop on how they almost broke up last week and she told me she put her foot down with him about how she was being treated (the latest: he was pissed at her because she had lunch with her married 65-year-old boss). She said he seems to have taken it to heart but also said they'd probably break up for real, so... <mimishrug>.
C'mooooon A...dump his loser self.
Sam I Am

Memphis, TN

#34 Oct 19, 2012
1. You should write to someone with no formal medical training who can't properly advise people on wine-at-dinner-party etiquette.

2. So staying with an abusive husband makes more sense than changing jobs? Unfortunately it appears you are going to have to have another episode with your husband to give you some perspective.

3. Oh my God you're dumb. What kind of menial job do you have that you have not been fired from yet?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#35 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, cause I'm sure the the location of a woman's shelter is a heavily guarded classified secret. And of course, if an abuser showes up there, he's gonna beat every woman there. That person is an idiot.
I agree. I guess she shouldn't go to any of her court dates either, never shop at the same grocery store, if the kid was in school, make the kid drop out of school, change her name, and dye her hair and wear a fake mustache.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#36 Oct 19, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
They ARE heavily guarded secrets. Even in a police department, only certain cops will know where the shelter is.


Is she ever going to leave the shelter? What's to stop the guy from just waiting outside?
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#37 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, cause I'm sure the the location of a woman's shelter is a heavily guarded classified secret. And of course, if an abuser showes up there, he's gonna beat every woman there. That person is an idiot.
Efforts are made to not publish street addresses. The shelter's phone numbers show as "private" on caller ID. Sometimes abusers do show up. The staff at the shelters are trained for that possibility. The abusers don't beat every woman there: the anger is usually focused and sometimes the woman does get hurt.

It makes it into teh Chicago papers often enough Dog- you probably weren't looking for the articles.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#38 Oct 19, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
He is insecure and controlling and she needs to DTMFA. But you knew that.
Yep, sure did. I'm waiting for the day when she realizes it too. We're gonna have a celebration!

I did tell her a few days ago that I was very concerned about some of the stuff she told me about him and that she's my friend and I love her and I don't want to see her hurt. I'm trying....

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#39 Oct 19, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
C'mooooon A...dump his loser self.
Everybody keep on saying that (in your heads)! It was starting to work for a second there!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#40 Oct 19, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
They ARE heavily guarded secrets. Even in a police department, only certain cops will know where the shelter is.
So how does a woman who needs a shelter find one?

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