Husband's nightmare attack leaves wif...

Husband's nightmare attack leaves wife trapped in fear

There are 217 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from Apr 6, 2009, titled Husband's nightmare attack leaves wife trapped in fear. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bob," and I have been married 12 years. One night three years ago, he beat me as I slept in our bed.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Chicago Tribune.

Mitsy

Kirksville, MO

#111 Apr 6, 2009
LW1's husband might have sleep apnea which I think goes along with sleep walking. If she felt like she was safe (on any level), she wouldn't be sleeping with a lock on her door. She doesn't give anymore details about why the marriage is not good other than the sleep episode but not having a job is not a good enough reason to stay if he's abusive. I think there are some details omitted from this one.

If LW2 is actually good friends with the b-day party girl's Mom, she might inquire as to WHY her daughter was not included. I'm wondering if there was a falling out that daughter is not telling her Mom about. In any event, being on the cancellation list is evidence that it's time for new friends. I would make sure that daughter understands that b-day girl is behaving very badly, especially if there was not a fight between the 2 girls. As Dr. Phil would say, her behavior is a real "deal breaker".
KSyrahSyrah

United States

#112 Apr 6, 2009
This thread has taken a strange turn - now it's OK to diss people because of the COST? Have a lesser, smaller party, that's all. I had a party at a park on the lake on a gorgeous day, invited 30 kids everyone in DS' Montessori class) plus parents. We had a bbq and a clown and a recreational area. The kids had a blast. So did the parents.
Dallas

United States

#113 Apr 6, 2009
In the 80's, I worked for a company whose 40-something general manager lived with one of the employees, a 20-something woman. The GM and his girlfriend decided to have a party and invite some of the employees, but not all. The girlfriend distributed the invitations at work, and it became quite clear who was and was not invited. When someone called her on it, the girlfriend said, "People are responsible for their OWN feelings. I'M not responsible for anyone's hurt feelings." I received one of the invitations, but I turned it down. I was disgusted by the blatant favoritism and the cruelty of these so-called "adults." Such snubs are definitely not limited to grade-schoolers.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#114 Apr 6, 2009
Terri at home wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm sorry you guys are in misery, but I'll take one of the sweets, sweets.
<passes platter of goodies> Here you go.
live and learn

Chicago, IL

#115 Apr 6, 2009
JAMc wrote:
It's amazing to me how many different reactions people are having to LW2. Last month, my son received one of those "whole-class" invites and my hubby and I thought it was kind of strange. It was a party at the boy's home. We've never met his parents and our son has never talked about him. We declined.
Granted, our children are still very young (both are under 5), so for now, their parties consist of family and our close friends' children. Even with those limitations, our son's last b-day party had 20 kids (we didn't invite anyone from his class)!
I agree with those posters who say use this as a teaching moment and move on. Kids are very resilient. If we coddle them and harp on every slight, we will instill a "woe is me," dependent attitude. If we teach them that life isn't always just or fair and to "treat others the way THEY want to be treated," we will empower them to be independent, empathetic problem-solvers who can handle just about anything life throws at them.
These are all good points. The "all included" rule is there to protect feelings, but that can't go on forever. Too bad schools have rules like these, but don't always address more serious issues, like bullying and more direct forms of social ostracization.
marie

Memphis, TN

#116 Apr 6, 2009
It's possible the other mother didn't know the girl wasn't invited or how her daughter was treating other girls in class. Before LW2 writes off a friend and denies her the chance to give HER daughter a life lesson - she should talk to her about it! TACTFULLY, of course

Since: Jan 09

Location hidden

#117 Apr 6, 2009
Rational wrote:
<quoted text> Hey Stina!! How the heck have you been? No. I wrote a fake letter for fun is all and to show another side of things. I don't have a wife!!
No, but he does have a girlfriend!

La la-la la la-la-la.

“Merry Holidays!”

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#118 Apr 6, 2009
angelique770 wrote:
<quoted text>
<passes platter of goodies> Here you go.
<Picks two sugar cookies. Chomp.>

:) Thanks.

Since: Jan 09

Location hidden

#119 Apr 6, 2009
AngelaMN wrote:
Next up, all you Slavics: Kolaches!
I'm an honorary Slavic, if that counts. I was basically raised by an immigrant Czech couple for most of my early years. Not my heritage, but I have fond memories of them...and of their cuisine. Can I pre-order poppyseed and apricot? Lots and lots of them? Thank you!
Rational

Chicago, IL

#120 Apr 6, 2009
TamoraRose wrote:
<quoted text>
No, but he does have a girlfriend!
La la-la la la-la-la.
Yup. But E3 had already aprised her of that. La la la la la? Whyyyyy are you being so mean to Stina?

Since: Jan 09

Location hidden

#121 Apr 6, 2009
KSyrahSyrah wrote:
This thread has taken a strange turn - now it's OK to diss people because of the COST? Have a lesser, smaller party, that's all.
They're in training for adult birthday parties, showers, and weddings. Gotta start somewhere.
Rose

Minneapolis, MN

#122 Apr 6, 2009
angelique770 wrote:
<quoted text>
L0L! <passes the brownies, cookies, cake and croissants>
If I pretend to be miserable, may I have a brownie?

“Death to humans!”

Since: Jul 08

A long way from here...

#123 Apr 6, 2009
TamoraRose wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm an honorary Slavic, if that counts. I was basically raised by an immigrant Czech couple for most of my early years. Not my heritage, but I have fond memories of them...and of their cuisine. Can I pre-order poppyseed and apricot? Lots and lots of them? Thank you!
I miss going to the Czech Stop in West, Texas and loading up on Kolaches while driving up and down I-35!
EJG

United States

#124 Apr 6, 2009
live and learn wrote:
<quoted text>
These are all good points. The "all included" rule is there to protect feelings, but that can't go on forever. Too bad schools have rules like these, but don't always address more serious issues, like bullying and more direct forms of social ostracization.
The other aspect to this problem is that some parents don't teach their children to have empathy for other people either. They don't seem to think that it is their responsibility to do so.
Renee

Roseville, CA

#125 Apr 6, 2009
LW2: The mother never said she was close friends with Brittany's mother. She said she was "friendly" with her mother. This just means they made small talk when they ran into each other. While I do think it was rude to hand out the invites in front of everyone else, I think the letter writer needs to explain to her daughter that Brittany was obviously not her real friend.

Since: Oct 07

Chicago, IL

#128 Apr 6, 2009
KSyrahSyrah wrote:
This thread has taken a strange turn - now it's OK to diss people because of the COST? Have a lesser, smaller party, that's all. I had a party at a park on the lake on a gorgeous day, invited 30 kids everyone in DS' Montessori class) plus parents. We had a bbq and a clown and a recreational area. The kids had a blast. So did the parents.
So people should be forced to change their plans to avoid hurt feelings? That's not life, and surely, that's not the solution.

There's a way to do everything without being tacky about it. The "offense" in this letter should't be the fact that LW2's daughter wasn't invited, but that the "host" handled the invitation process in a tacky manner. Now, once that is established, you look to the fact that the "host" is another EIGHT-year-old (put simply: "consider the source")!

Also, people automatically assume that the other little girl, Brittany, was being snotty, but she could very well have been innocently relating what her parents told her (i.e., that she could invite more guests as others declined). Just as LW2's daughter has to learn that you won't always be on the A-list, Brittany (and other kids) have to learn that there are limitations. I applaud Brittany's parents for setting limitations, as I can envision the choice went something like this:

(A) Have the party at your venue of choice (e.g., American Girl, tea party at the Drake, etc.) and choose 10 of your 30 current "B.F.F.s" (because at that age, girls change best friends more often than they change socks); or

(B) Have all 30 of your B.F.F.s over to the house for pizza.

We've all had to make similar choices, and there's nothing "wrong" with either; the "wrong" is in how our choice is conveyed to those who didn't make the invite list!

“Death to humans!”

Since: Jul 08

A long way from here...

#129 Apr 6, 2009
EJG wrote:
<quoted text>
The other aspect to this problem is that some parents don't teach their children to have empathy for other people either. They don't seem to think that it is their responsibility to do so.
It's not JUST their responsibility. It takes a village...or some BS like that.
cheluzal

Winter Haven, FL

#131 Apr 6, 2009
1: I know people can do this in their sleep and I was all for the hubby until he refused counseling. Why not get help if you're really innocent and unaware of what you suddenly started doing?
2: Growing up, we went to friends' parties, not the entire class. And friends are wishy-washy...better this girl learn it now. Teach her that people can be cruel and then help her GET over it, as it won't end when they grow up. It's called coping skills, people, not "how to coddle my daughter so she stays co-dependent for life."
Rose

Minneapolis, MN

#132 Apr 6, 2009
Renee wrote:
LW2: The mother never said she was close friends with Brittany's mother. She said she was "friendly" with her mother. This just means they made small talk when they ran into each other. While I do think it was rude to hand out the invites in front of everyone else, I think the letter writer needs to explain to her daughter that Brittany was obviously not her real friend.
good point
Rose

Minneapolis, MN

#133 Apr 6, 2009
E_E_E wrote:
<quoted text>
You can have mine.
I only eat sweets on Fridays.
Mmm... look. A plum. Yum. I. can't. wait. to. eat. this. plum. Goody.
):\
I am trying to give up cokes and chocolate. I am not sure it is a good idea giving up both at the same time. I think it is giving me headaches. Maybe it is all in my head (no pun intended). I have a fridge full of fruits and for dinner I intend to have a fruit salad. However, I keep thinking about chocolate.

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