Husband's nightmare attack leaves wif...

Husband's nightmare attack leaves wife trapped in fear

There are 217 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from Apr 6, 2009, titled Husband's nightmare attack leaves wife trapped in fear. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bob," and I have been married 12 years. One night three years ago, he beat me as I slept in our bed.

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“I'm subtle in spades!!!!!”

Since: Sep 08

Mesa, AZ

#1 Apr 6, 2009
An ex of mine did that sleep-beating once in a while, if I wasn't in the bed he'd pound on the pillows, if I was in the bed, he'd pound on me. I'm a seriously heavy sleeper though, and I keep myself all kinds of bundled up, and the couple times he woke me up with it I just physically pushed him out of the bed.... I barely remember it though, it was like I was fighting back in my sleep too... I remember being like, "knock it the eph off!" then shoving....

The ex usually wouldn't remember what he was dreaming... one time he said he vaguely remembered something about a bear.
Enk

Helsinki, Finland

#2 Apr 6, 2009
I would be plenty petty enough to have another party that same day and invite the B-listers and the kids who didn't even make that list. And I'd make sure that the kids at the party had a blast so that they'd have something to talk about at school when the birthday "posse" starts bragging about the party as they're sure to do once they go back to school again.

Thank god I live in a place where people make sure that everyone in the class gets invited.
semper anon

Tilton, IL

#3 Apr 6, 2009
Enk wrote:
Thank god I live in a place where people make sure that everyone in the class gets invited.
There are rules for birthday parties now???Is it homeowner's associations or something????

I feel for LW1's daughter though. It is tough growing up.

“Snow days!”

Since: Nov 08

A winter wonderland

#4 Apr 6, 2009
LW1- This happened once. It doesn't denote a sleep disorder necessarily. Counseling is OK for the unemployed wife but hubby says it's too expensive for him to go? Something's awfully weird here.
LW2- Guess Mira's closest friend isn't that close. I think Abby's right. Mira shouldn't be so dependent on Brittany
robin

Chicago, IL

#5 Apr 6, 2009
LW1: She isn't reacting as if this were a one-time thing, or as if she believed he was sleeping.

"How long can a middle-aged woman survive in a loveless, passionless and distrustful marriage?"

This is the real question. Who knows how his attack relates to this.

LW2: I like Enk's idea, but who knows how complicated this could make things. Eight years old is pretty young to start having social wars. Still, it's better than Abby's suggestion that the parent's take her out alone. She's old enough so that might make her feel pretty pathetic.
Anne

Portland, OR

#6 Apr 6, 2009
semper anon wrote:
<quoted text>
There are rules for birthday parties now???Is it homeowner's associations or something????
I feel for LW1's daughter though. It is tough growing up.
Actually, asking everyone in the class to a birthday party is not a new "rule". That is the one I knew when I was in elementary school in the 1950's. In fact, to make it easier, the school I attended routinely sent home a class list each fall, which included the name of each child in the class, address and phone number. That way, no one was missed "accidentally" and the parents had information on where their children's friends lived and how to reach the parents.

Its too bad that times and fears for privacy/safety make this practice passe.
Beaches

Bettendorf, IA

#7 Apr 6, 2009
At my daughter's school we are only allowed to pass out invitations at school if all the children in the class are invited. Otherwise we must mail the invitations. I don't have a problem with that - I agree that you shouldn't have to invite everyone if you choose not to, but I also don't see the point in hurting children's feelings intentionally. My daughter is in 1st grade, she's not been invited to a couple things and we have discussed it. I do agree that kids need to learn they won't always be included, but I appreciate the fact that I can talk to her about it rather than her deal with it face to face when her feelings are hurt.
robin

Chicago, IL

#8 Apr 6, 2009
Anne wrote:
<quoted text>
That is the one I knew when I was in elementary school in the 1950's. In fact, to make it easier, the school I attended routinely sent home a class list each fall, which included the name of each child in the class, address and phone number.
I remember the same kind of list when I was in school, now that you mention it. Also, I like the rule about not handing out invitations in school unless everyone is invited.

It's always going to come up, though. Some people are just lazy parents, who don't care enough to teach their children not to hurt others' feelings. And, of course, some people like the feeling of excluding others, and are actively teaching this. It's the way of the world.

“Joy is the shadow cast by pain”

Since: Dec 08

Twin Cities, MN

#9 Apr 6, 2009
L1: Your husband very well may have beaten you in your sleep; I just read about that recently. But any NORMAL man, any GOOD man, would immediately seek professional help after doing such an awful thing. That your husband refuses speaks volumes. Leave him. Now. Stop reading and leave NOW.

L2: Yeah, girls can be mean brats. This is news?

“Snow days!”

Since: Nov 08

A winter wonderland

#10 Apr 6, 2009
When I was in grade school- don't ask the decade cuz I ain't tellin'- it was normal to exclude kids. There was a clique of hotshots that regularly ignored the not-so-popular kids. It wasn't actually condoned, but nothing was done to stop it.
Ivory Dove

San Antonio, TX

#11 Apr 6, 2009
LW1 needs to run to a women's shelter before something worse
happens to her. Who knows what Bob may do to her next?

LW2 can tell Brittany's mother, "What you did was insulting"
directly and look for better friends--if she or her daughter didn't
provoke the exclusion.
hippiechick

Hillsborough, NJ

#12 Apr 6, 2009
Enk wrote:
I would be plenty petty enough to have another party that same day and invite the B-listers and the kids who didn't even make that list. And I'd make sure that the kids at the party had a blast so that they'd have something to talk about at school when the birthday "posse" starts bragging about the party as they're sure to do once they go back to school again.
Thank god I live in a place where people make sure that everyone in the class gets invited.
LOL! I like the way you think!
Seriously, tho, I think that your solution would only start endless "party wars" that no one would win. The lesson for this girl is that sometimes people do inexplicably hurtful things that you just accept and move on. If this girl was a "friend" she isn't acting like it. Sometimes you just can't invite everyone due to space or financial reasons, something this girl needs to learn. If handled right, this incident could make her more thoughtful and compassionate when inviting friends to HER party.
the x

Chicago, IL

#13 Apr 6, 2009
good advice to lw2.
Lana

Herndon, VA

#14 Apr 6, 2009
Three years ago? And she hasn't figured out how to get a job by now? Whether she decides to stay in the marriage or not, she needs to be financially independent, or she's trapped. I don't understand people who let themselves be so vulnerable.

And I agree that it's significant that the husband claims it was just a nightmare but does nothing in three years to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Matilda

United States

#15 Apr 6, 2009
LW2--I do not miss being 8. Or 11. Or 15. Whoever said that being a kid is fun clearly had this kind of stuff blocked from memory.
MWeb

United States

#16 Apr 6, 2009
With LW1, the story seems to be incomplete. The husband is banished to another room to sleep, and she stays with him but does not trust him? There must be more that's out of whack with the dynamics of their relationship. IMO, loveless, passionless and distrustful are 3 great reasons to leave.

LW2: Kids can be cruel. If the mothers were such good friends, then I agree that Mira's mom should tell Brittany's mom how insulted Mira is. Then let it go.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#17 Apr 6, 2009
LW1. Perhaps the husband is suffering from PTSD. Continued counseling for the LW is a good idea.

LW2. This is an opportunity for the LW that life isn't always fair.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#18 Apr 6, 2009
Dang it TTD. Good thing Terri already has my credit car.

LW2. This is an opportunity for the LW to TEACH HER DAUGHTER that life isn't always fair.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#19 Apr 6, 2009
Grrrrr!!!!! That's credit carD!

“Joy is the shadow cast by pain”

Since: Dec 08

Twin Cities, MN

#20 Apr 6, 2009
angelique770 wrote:
Grrrrr!!!!! That's credit carD!
Go back to bed and start the day over, eh? ;)

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