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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
May 8, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I'm 13 years old and have a 15-year-old friend, "Katie," who recently started smoking weed.

I consider her to be one of my good friends -- almost a big sister -- and I totally trust her.

She used to be against smoking, making loud comments in public around people who were doing this. When she first smoked, it was at a friend's birthday party, and she told me right away.

I wasn't happy, but I didn't do anything because I assumed she wouldn't smoke again, that it was just peer pressure.

Now she smokes regularly. Recently, she was high when she went to the elementary school to pick up her little sister. Another one of my good friends, who is also 13, was with her. This friend was making sure she didn't smell and wasn't acting too weird.

I want to keep my friendship with Katie, and I know she expects me to keep her secret. However, I also know what she is doing is illegal and wrong, and I want to help her.

This is a lot of responsibility. How do I help her without ruining our friendship?-- Worried Friend

DEAR WORRIED: You seem like a responsible person and a good friend. But you aren't ruining your friendship with "Katie" -- she's ruining her friendship with you.

You are younger. She is the dominant person. She is responsible for her own choices and actions, and unfortunately she has terrible judgment.

Do you want to be Katie's sober buddy, following her around and making sure she doesn't smell of pot or act too weird while she stumbles around the elementary school? Please say no.

Understand that getting caught could be the best thing to happen to your friend, but if you don't choose to tell an adult -- you're responsible for your choices too -- at the very least you should keep your distance from her when she's high.

Katie might be going through a rough patch, but she's also a terrible influence on you right now. She is not being a good "big sister." Realistically, you might not be able to help her. Your first job is to protect yourself and make the best possible choices for you.

I hope you're close enough with your own parents (or another caring adult) to share your dilemma in person. This would be the best thing for all of you.

DEAR AMY: I have a girlfriend who always tells me what everything costs. She cannot comment on a piece of furniture, art, clothing, car or home without mentioning the cost. She even tells me about our friends' incomes.

I find this very distasteful. I was raised not to discuss such personal matters. How should I handle this? How can I come back with a polite comment to get her to stop?-- Discreet Friend

DEAR DISCREET: First you must understand that for your friend money might not be such a personal matter. Sharing (or speculating about) the cost of something might simply be her monetized version of playing "Words with Friends." Or pretending she's a Kardashian.

You should express your point of view by saying, "I know this is kind of your thing, but I really don't feel comfortable talking about the cost of everything. Speculating about the cost of a couch is one thing, but please don't tell me about the Robinsons' income. I seriously don't want to know. It's just too personal."

I hope this simple truth is polite enough for you, but it might actually be too subtle for her. Obviously, never disclose or discuss anything financial with this friend.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#2
May 8, 2013
 

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1 'cmone kid, just one toke!

2 No lamy, they dont get the hint and they dont change. LW, you will have to learn to tune this out or dump her.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#3
May 8, 2013
 

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2. My IL's do this. One more reason I am glad we live 504.2 miles from them , but who's counting?

Since: Jan 10

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#4
May 8, 2013
 

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L1: I do think you should tell your parents, so they can talk to Katie's parents. Some kids Katie's age smoke pot and turn out okay. Others get sucked into the vortex of doing not much with one's life. Like the episode of South Park that was about teens smoking pot and drinking (it was EXCELLENT), "Pot makes you okay with being bored. And when you're a kid, you shouldn't be bored. You should be trying new things and finding new ways to challenge yourself." Katie probably needs some help here.

L2: I've known a few people like this. One couple was so bad about discussing money, what things cost, making value judgments on people who do "stupid" things like buying a stove for under $1,000 (yes, they insulted his daughter in her new home), his bio daughter cut them out of her life. Everything was about money. They had a lot of it and wouldn't shut up about it.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#5
May 8, 2013
 

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LW1: Godd advice. But maybe LW should also call her frien tot eh carpet and ask WTH is going on.

LW2: I can't undertand why people will share this info. The only person I tell is my parents. Then I get annoyed because I get money lectures from my mother. But I've learned to tune her out.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#6
May 8, 2013
 
LW1: What Red said.

However, I just want to interject that as a parent, I'd have a hard time dealing with this too (if one of my kids told me a friend was tokin'). I'm pretty shy and conflict-adverse, so talking to the parents of my kid's friend, whom I probably don't know very well, would be very difficult for me.

I'd figure some way to do it of course, because I wouldn't want to let my child down, but just because we're parents doesn't mean we'd know what to do either.

LW2: <gag> Amy's script is pretty good. Don't really expect them to change much tho.

Thankfully, I don't have anyone like this in my life.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Tacoma, WA

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#7
May 8, 2013
 
1: Stopped reading at "I'm 13." Actually I didn't but I wish I had.

2: Tres gauche. I don't care if people tell me what they spent. <shrug> If they feel the need to impress me *that* much, whatever you know, but I hate when people ask me how much I make/spent, etc. It's nunya.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#8
May 8, 2013
 

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L1: I think the 13 year old should just tell the 15 year old she doesn't respect what she's doing and then keep her distance. Getting involved in the family ruckus will not do her any good. The 15 year old will deny it, it will be drama -- who needs it?

L2: I think someone is very insecure when they talk about the cost of things like this. This is not the same thing as girlfriends telling each other about a great find they got on sale. Or that piece of furniture they wanted they spotted on sale or they forked over full price b/c they loved it.

I never talk about salary (me or anyone else) except in the context of a job or learning about comparable salaries.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#9
May 8, 2013
 
Mimi Seattle wrote:
1: Stopped reading at "I'm 13." Actually I didn't but I wish I had.
2: Tres gauche. I don't care if people tell me what they spent. <shrug> If they feel the need to impress me *that* much, whatever you know, but I hate when people ask me how much I make/spent, etc. It's nunya.
I only tell people when I find a stellar bargain because I love to let my friends know where to get a deal!

And I love me my bargains!

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#10
May 8, 2013
 
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I only tell people when I find a stellar bargain because I love to let my friends know where to get a deal!
And I love me my bargains!
Right? I love comparison shopping online. I had been looking for a white jean jacket and finally found one. I initially thought I could probably get a cheaper (but well made) one somewhere. Turned out I couldn't so I bought the one I initially found.

I tend to buy shoes online. Out of season stuff. Just purchased $120 boots for $29. Score!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#11
May 8, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Right? I love comparison shopping online. I had been looking for a white jean jacket and finally found one. I initially thought I could probably get a cheaper (but well made) one somewhere. Turned out I couldn't so I bought the one I initially found.
I tend to buy shoes online. Out of season stuff. Just purchased $120 boots for $29. Score!
Resale, consignment and thrift shops for real designer stuff.
Ask me my about my genuine Burberry raincoat with zip out lining that I got for $15.

(sits down, clamps palm over mouth)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#12
May 8, 2013
 
Mimi Seattle wrote:
1: Stopped reading at "I'm 13." Actually I didn't but I wish I had.
2: Tres gauche. I don't care if people tell me what they spent. <shrug> If they feel the need to impress me *that* much, whatever you know, but I hate when people ask me how much I make/spent, etc. It's nunya.
The only time I talk about what I spent is when I'm bragging anout how much I saved. Just bought a new laptop and with multiple discounts...$175 off.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#13
May 8, 2013
 
1- Maybe you're girlfriend is just more practical? You might like that couch but she isn't willing to spen 18 hundred dollars on it. That painting might look nice in the living room, but not for 2 grand. That might be a nice china cabinet, but not for 5 gs.

Since: Jan 10

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#14
May 8, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
L1: I think the 13 year old should just tell the 15 year old she doesn't respect what she's doing and then keep her distance. Getting involved in the family ruckus will not do her any good. The 15 year old will deny it, it will be drama -- who needs it?
I actually think this is the smartest way to go. I don't think getting busted by mom and dad will get Katie to stop.

Since: Aug 08

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#15
May 8, 2013
 
LW1: You arenít Katieís nanny. Telling on her will also ruin your friendship.

LW2: What Mimi said. So long as she isn't prying into your finances, I don't know why you care so much.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#16
May 8, 2013
 
LW2 - My MIL knows "the price of everythign and teh value of nothing". she often tries to get the info out of others, but won't share her info. her line used to be "unless you're paying my bills, you don't need to know what i spend". So, we keep quiet.

And for those of you trying to play along with the home game, this is the one who hasn't let it go YET that she wasn't invited to grandson-in-law's 30th b0day party... how did i get so lucky... she's only an hour away, unlike Pelly's inlaws...

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#17
May 8, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Resale, consignment and thrift shops for real designer stuff.
Ask me my about my genuine Burberry raincoat with zip out lining that I got for $15.
(sits down, clamps palm over mouth)
Awesome! I love that you got that deal!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#18
May 8, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Awesome! I love that you got that deal!
That IS an impressive find, I must say!!!

Since: Aug 08

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#19
May 8, 2013
 
Our dyson vacuum went out and bambi got one that had never been used from teh thrift shop. It must have been a floor model.

It was the same model as our old one, but it was a newer addition and had some differences. It was missing one part. Turns out we had the same part on our old one and just took it out and put it in the new one.

$5 for a dyson.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#20
May 8, 2013
 
Sublime1 wrote:
Our dyson vacuum went out and bambi got one that had never been used from teh thrift shop. It must have been a floor model.
It was the same model as our old one, but it was a newer addition and had some differences. It was missing one part. Turns out we had the same part on our old one and just took it out and put it in the new one.
$5 for a dyson.
SWEET!!!

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