“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Oct 25, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are about to welcome our first child and we are overjoyed. However, as her due date nears and we start talking about the birth, hospital, etc., I'm getting nervous and anxious. I'm worried, I guess, that something will happen to my wife and I won't be able to cope with everything.

I had a rough childhood. Expressing emotions sometimes is pretty hard for me, so my wife doesn't know about this. Any advice on how to express my fears without sounding like I'm scared of losing her and the baby and expecting the worst? Is this a common thing for first-time dads?-- OVERLY EMOTIONAL IN TEXAS

DEAR OVERLY EMOTIONAL: Of course it is. You're not experiencing anything different than what other expectant fathers feel. But please understand that the incidence of maternal and infant mortality in the U.S. is very low.

Because your wife may have concerns or anxieties of her own, it would be better not to discuss your fears right now. If you have male friends or relatives who are parents, they might be willing to listen and offer support. Your family doctor could also listen and, if necessary, refer you to someone who can help you cope with your anxiety. But please understand that all of the feelings you're experiencing right now are very normal.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter asked me a tough question today. She lives primarily with her mother and stepfather. Her biological father sees her two nights a week and every other weekend. When he asks her if she misses him, she says she has to lie and say she does. She hates lying and asked me how she can tell him she doesn't miss him very much without hurting his feelings. Can you give me some ideas?-- STUCK FOR A RESPONSE IN NEVADA

DEAR STUCK: Your granddaughter should say, "Dad, please don't worry about me because I'm fine. I am adjusting." Period. It's the truth, it's not unkind and she won't have to feel like she's saying anything that should upset him.

DEAR ABBY: An ex-friend of mine recently apologized for some bad behavior toward me, saying she had been going through a rough time. She wants to renew our friendship and said she misses it. I was taken aback and didn't know what to say. I replied, "I'll get back to you about this," because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Abby, I have no desire to renew a friendship with her because I have had it with her volatile personality and her needy and clingy nature.

How do I eventually respond? I was thinking of saying I have a full plate of responsibilities and commitments right now and can't make plans. I value your opinion, so what do you think?-- NEEDS THE RIGHT WORDS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NEEDS THE RIGHT WORDS: You are under no obligation to resume a relationship with a troubled woman you're glad to be away from. Unless she has given you a deadline or manages to put you in a corner, you don't have to say anything more about it. However, if she does trap you into making some kind of statement, the one you related to me would be appropriate.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Oct 25, 2013
1 Yeah abby, get him medicated, good response. Maybe he should see a therapist too?

2 Worst answer ever! Abby this is a kid, kids dont say that crap, they say "Yes Daddy, I missed you sooo much!", and that is what she needs to keep saying till daddy gets a girlfriend.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Oct 25, 2013
Oh!#3
I think your silence will speak volumes.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Oct 25, 2013
LW1: I would express your feelings to someone other than your wife. She's already worried about the same things, and since she's the one who could die, you get to support her which, unfortunately for you, means you get to keep your yap shut.

Oh, and most likely everything will be fine and after the baby is here,*then* you can tell her what you were feeling.

LW2: What RACE said.

LW3: Just don't respond; they'll get the message.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#5 Oct 25, 2013
L2: Race is right, that phrase doesn't sound natural but neither does what he says they would say. I think it would just be a "yes" especially if she is lying. Maybe just telling her to say something like "sometimes". It just depends on her age, which wasn't given.

The bigger issue here is her father putting her on a guilt trip if he's asking that all the time. He sees her a lot so no need to keep asking.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#6 Oct 25, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW3: Just don't respond; they'll get the message.
Or not. Not everyone responds well to passivity.(I'm one of them, I will bug you until you tell me to eff off.)

I also disagree with cutting off a friendship because you don't like something about their personality. Hey, the lw isn't prefect either. Sounds rather judgmental.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#7 Oct 25, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I also disagree with cutting off a friendship because you don't like something about their personality.
The reasons listed are *exactly* why I'd cut off a friendship.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#8 Oct 25, 2013
I guess I'm just not one to require people follow a strict set of rules and personality behaviors in order to have the pleasure of being my friend.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#9 Oct 25, 2013
LW1: Team squishymama.

LW2: Team RACE. And this is a perfect opportunity to teach your granddaughter the value of kindness.

LW3: Team Matilda.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#10 Oct 26, 2013
LW1 just needs the right support for him and his wife. He'll be fine.

I agree with RACE on LW2 and Matilda on LW3. And I
wouldn't want LW3's ex-friend, either.

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