Comments
1 - 20 of 20 Comments Last updated Jun 20, 2013

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
Jun 20, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I live in a small community. Several years ago, a man told my father-in-law that he had been told by a woman who was dying that she was the birth mother of a man who lived in town until he passed away (quite young). He was adopted by a local family as a baby.

The man who told my father-in-law was now dying himself and felt he needed to tell someone. My father-in-law then, on his deathbed, told my husband the story.

My husband doesn't know what to do with it.

We both know two women in town who would/could be the deceased man's biological nieces, and they have his eyes!

It could be a true story. Is there any point in telling any of them about it? Or when you are 50, do you just let it go? I kind of think they would want to know, but I'm not sure.-- Flummoxed

DEAR FLUMMOXED: Thank you for writing what seems like a perfect parody letter. However, as a small-town native (Freeville, N.Y., pop. 522), I also know that this is how people actually do occasionally relate to one another (so to speak) in small places.

Your options are to sit on this information and then disclose it as part of a deathbed confession, or to repeat it, plainly and without dramatic effect, to the possible nieces as something that you heard but cannot confirm. Tell them that because the deathbed disclosure involved them, you thought they should know about it.

DEAR AMY: I just finished my second year of college. I met a really funny guy named "James" in one of my classes. We immediately hit it off, but I never pursued anything because I had a boyfriend. When he and I broke up, I gave James my number, and we started to text continuously. We flirted a lot and we shared personal things with each other.

A month later he got back together with his girlfriend of over three years. They have been together since, but we have still been in constant touch. Now in the summer, he has been texting me nonstop. I bring up his girlfriend a lot and say that it is not fair for him to tell me personal things about him and how he feels for his girlfriend.

Recently, he sent me a text message saying that he liked me and that I was beautiful, had a great personality, and there was just something about me. He said he couldn't help himself.

I feel like he is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend, and I am somehow the other woman. I have started to like this boy and think he is perfect for me.

What should I do? Should I ask him to break up with his girlfriend and be with me? I am studying abroad in the fall, so should I stop talking to him and wait until I get back?-- Unintentional Other Woman

DEAR UNINTENTIONAL: You have all sorts of possible choices you can make, but what you shouldn't do is tell this guy that he needs to be a better boyfriend to his girlfriend.

If he is with a long-term girlfriend, and texting and privately communicating with you continuously, then, yes, you are definitely participating in his emotional infidelity.

He is showing you through his actions exactly the kind of boyfriend he is, and if that's what you want for yourself, then go for it.

DEAR AMY: I received a jolt of recognition upon reading the letter from the husband who did so much and yet was criticized by his wife for not turning off lights, etc.

I, too, am a neatnik wife, finding myself complaining to my husband about the same things: not turning off lights, closing doors, putting things away. Yet he is our social organizer and large-scope thinker in many ways. I realize that I need to loosen up and appreciate all the many contributions my husband makes to our relationship. It's a fine balance, really.-- Relaxing Neatnik

DEAR RELAXING: Sometimes, seeing yourself reflected in a letter can prompt changes. It happens to me all the time!

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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L1: Way too unreliable chain of information for my liking. I'd do my best to forget it.

L2: I am not going to label this guy a repeat cheater, but he's young and stupid, like some of us were way back when. Figuring things out. Too young/not ready to choose someone for life, but doesn't realize it.

You tell him that what he's being disloyal to his girlfriend. You tell him that he needs to choose, right now, between her or you. If he chooses her, you can remain friends but you dial it way back and give his girlfriend some respect, please. If he chooses you, he ends things with her within a week (in person or on the phone, depending on locations).

And you make it clear that if he chooses you, he doesn't get to do with another woman what he's doing with you right now.

Now... whether he chooses you and can be trusted to learn from this and grow into a mature, dating adult... that's up to you.

I wouldn't put my money on it, though.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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1

1...Several years ago, a man told my father-in-law that he had been told by a woman who was dying...
WTF? Is the is the set for "Days of our lives"?
What a soap opera.

2 Screw him!, then screw his buddies, and maybe of of the girls in your class too. Your young and in college, its what you are supposed to do.

3 Yeah, no so pretty is it?
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#4
Jun 20, 2013
 
LW2: Yes he is cheating with you. And if he'll do it WITH you, he'll do it TO you. Beware.
liner

Patchogue, NY

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#5
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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L1: You're flummoxed? Imagine me, after reading your letter!
L2: You're studying abroad? Isn't that what he's doing?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Marcus Hook, PA

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#6
Jun 20, 2013
 
1- You lost me at hello.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#7
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

2

1

1

1. Consider the source. Whoever hears my deathbed confession will hear me claim I'm Angelina Jolie's adopted son.

2. Stupid you are. Breed, you should not.

3. Now shaddup and go wash the garbage cans!

Since: Jan 10

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#8
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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LW2's dilemma will be solved when she goes abroad and bangs a hot European guy and forgets all about this dude.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#9
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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L1. Hearsay, if I am not mistaken, is generally inadmissable testimony in a court of law.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#10
Jun 20, 2013
 
LW1: I had to read the first paragraph twice to figure out what you were saying only to realize this is an SEP. Butt out.

LW2: This "LW2's dilemma will be solved when she goes abroad and bangs a hot European guy and forgets all about this dude."

Thanks Red.

LW3: "Sometimes, seeing yourself reflected in a letter can prompt changes. It happens to me all the time!"

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#12
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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Well Drew Peterson has some opinions about that. I believe they got Stacey's comments about Kathleen's death to her pastor before the jury. Death bed statements generally are, but this is not a criminal case.
Anyway, what's the point? Its gossip, dead people gossip at that.

Re-post because something in my reply to LC was tagged offensive.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#13
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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L1: Now my head is spinning. I didn't need to read all that.

L2: While I agree with Amy, I'm surprised
Amy was so snarky with her comment.

L3: I'm with Squishy with this one.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

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#14
Jun 20, 2013
 
loose cannon wrote:
L1. Hearsay, if I am not mistaken, is generally inadmissable testimony in a court of law.
Who's going to court?

If they ended up going to court for some bizarre reason (inheritance?) well, there's always DNA testing. And courts can order that to occur.
Ann

Highland Park, IL

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#15
Jun 20, 2013
 
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Who's going to court?
If they ended up going to court for some bizarre reason (inheritance?) well, there's always DNA testing. And courts can order that to occur.
always good to have dna.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

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#16
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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LW1: Holy Cannoli, W.T.F. are you babbling about? Are you practicing to become a writer for Young and Restless? And Lamy, why would you take this bafflegab the least bit seriously, let alone actually publish it and let alone actually tell them to consider telling the nieces? Seriously? And why is it even any of your business in the slightest? And why would YOU take it the least bit seriously?

Exhibit A in why it is NOT better to live in a small town. Believe me, I've been living in several of them for several years now, after spending most of my life in urban/suburban areas. Your life is an open book and everyone knows everything about everybody and thinks everyone's business is their own to talk about as they please, including rumors, whether true or not. SUCKY.

LW2:(channeling Race): Young and dumb college kid romance stuff, so do not care.

LW3: Wow, a perfectionist neatnik actually seeing the error of their ways and what a pain they are to others, especially spouses, and changing. Never heard of such a thing. I guess miracles really do happen once in a green cheese moon.

Since: Jan 10

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#17
Jun 20, 2013
 

Judged:

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I don't see the point in dna testing in this situation. The dead guy (uncle) didn't pass on his dna to the nieces. They merely got some from the same source. I just don't see what is to be gained by any of this.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#18
Jun 20, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I don't see the point in dna testing in this situation. The dead guy (uncle) didn't pass on his dna to the nieces. They merely got some from the same source. I just don't see what is to be gained by any of this.
Yeah. "Cool, I have a dead uncle I never knew about. Let's... party...?"
pde

Homer Glen, IL

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#19
Jun 20, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I don't see the point in dna testing in this situation. The dead guy (uncle) didn't pass on his dna to the nieces. They merely got some from the same source. I just don't see what is to be gained by any of this.
I don't see the point in DNA testing unless someone wants it. It can prove various degrees of relationship. But it means that if people really want to know, secrets like this can be either proven or disproven.

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

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#20
Jun 20, 2013
 
LW1: I'm guessing that there's not much to do in your small community. The man is long gone, no children, the information passed to your husband is third-hand, and the only people who might care are two nieces that have his eyes? What good could come of passing the information to them? Let it go.

LW2: Team Red! You are young and in college and going abroad to study. This is no time to worry about some charming player with a girlfriend. He likes to flirt. Don't take him so seriously.

LW3: Team Saluki Rod!
Julie

Chicago, IL

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#21
Jun 20, 2013
 
LW1: Geez lady, get a hobby.

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