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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Aug 1, 2013
Dear Amy: I am thrilled to be marrying my beloved fiance this fall! We are so excited. There’s only one problem.

My ex,“Steve,” broke up with me a year ago. It was not a happy relationship, but I loved him, and getting over him was hard.
As soon as I got serious with my fiance, Steve decided that he still loves me and wants to be with me. I have tried to be firm but kind in saying that it’s out of the question.

Since then Steve has said twice that he is going to crash the wedding. My response was casual but clear (obviously, that he shouldn’t do it), because I don’t want it to become a battle of wills. I haven’t spoken with him since, but it would be in keeping with his personality to do it anyway.

I can’t bring myself to talk to my fiance about it, because I don’t want to mar the anticipation of the day for him, especially if nothing happens.

Information about the wedding is not public, but there’s a chance he could somehow find out the place and time. I have thought about hiring security or talking to male friends of his to talk sense into him.

I’m starting to have nightmares about all the ways this could ruin the happiest day of my life, and far worse, ruin my fiance’s day. I love him so much, and I can’t stand the thought of how it would make him feel.-- A Terrified Bride

Dear Terrified: You sign your letter as “terrified” and say you are having nightmares. You should not go into your wedding day without your future husband knowing about this risk. This falls into the “full disclosure” clause of the marriage contract. Wouldn’t you want to know if your fiance was wrestling with a similar issue?(You would.)

Do not communicate further with your ex and do not involve his friends or your guests.

Hire a professional, reputable security guard with experience. Provide a photo of your ex and ask the security person to politely, discretely and quietly escort “Steve” to the curb if he shows up. One low-key professional security person (dressed in street clothes) can take care of this — and any other issues that might arise at the ceremony or reception.

Dear Amy: My 19-year-old dog sitter flooded our bathroom floor while we were away, and it damaged the ceiling of the condo below us.

By her own admission, it was her fault, caused by pointing the shower head out the shower door. The plumber says he doesn’t even understand how (or why) she did it.

We just moved into the building, so besides the $400 plumber costs and repairs, it also damaged our relationship with the neighbors. I don’t know why she was showering in our home.

The dog sitter’s mother is demanding I pay her because it was “an accident.” I replied that I was waiting for the bills to come in for the repairs and would handle it with her daughter directly.

Should I pay her fully, pay her partially or not at all? We all make mistakes.-- Single Mom

Dear Mom: You are correct: People do make mistakes. And this was a doozy.

You should deduct the amount you would have paid for dog sitting from the total amount for repairs. Tell the girl you understand that she made a mistake but that she owes you the remainder (or your insurance deductible, whichever is less).

She might be able to repay you by dog sitting a few times — if you can risk it.

Dear Amy: I got a kick out of your reprint of a letter from “Under Pressure in D.C.,” whose child still loved his blankie. One of my children (in college) still loves her “blankie.”

As a baby she was my “Velcro” kid — attached to my hip. She needed to feel safe and secure more than my other children and uses her blankie when she needs to decompress.-- Secure Mom

Dear Secure: These attachment objects can fill a void, and I agree it’s not a big deal.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Aug 1, 2013
L1: No way in hell should you be getting married. Just ONE YEAR AGO, you were dumped and you remain in contact with this guy, have had trouble getting over him -- obviously aren't over him or you'd stop trying to be his best buddy. How does he know so much about your wedding? Because your gift of gab told him. I'd call you pathetic but someone here would get upset over name calling.

L2: Do not pay her. SHe needs to learn a lesson. She either is stupid or she's lying about the shower head. But I wouldn't go after her for damages, either. I don't think she'd pay up.

L3: Or you raised her to be clingy because she was your "baby."

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Aug 1, 2013
1 You are a train wreck, you just want to be married, and I dont get the impression you really care which guy you get married to.
Become the runaway bride and do everyone a favor.

2 Dont pay her. She and her BF used your shower for sex while you were gone, and that is how the floor got flooded. As for the rest of the money, your screwed, you will never get it.

3 This blankie is getting old and stinky

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Aug 1, 2013
Race: L2: I agree 100%.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#5 Aug 1, 2013
1: Hiring a security guard and not telling the fiancee? WTH kind of advice is that?'Dear Saluki Rod' would answer to be 100% above-board with your fiancee, and involve the local police the day of the wedding to give them a heads-up. Also, if you have brothers or male cousins or uncles, they would most likely be happy to greet Romeo at the door if he tries to crash.

2: Have her back again? Again, WTH? What kind of buffoon rehires a moron that caused this much damage? Pay her, and take care of the neighbors' damages like a big girl.

0 for 2 today Amy.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Aug 1, 2013
L1: If you can't be honest with your finance about this, you're marriage is in trouble before you even get married. You have to trust that he can handle it and keep it in perspective. I'm don't think you're ready for this marriage, though, for the reasons Red said and more.

L2: What Rod said. I don't believe you can keep her "pay". You can take her to small claims court if you want, however. The two things are separate events. She worked for you and she did damage. I'd never have her return unless it was to help while I was at home to pay off her debt.

L3: Haven't we had enough of these letters?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Aug 1, 2013
Toj wrote:
L3: Haven't we had enough of these letters?
Blasphemer!

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#8 Aug 1, 2013
Saluki Rod wrote:
1: Hiring a security guard and not telling the fiancee? WTH kind of advice is that?'Dear Saluki Rod' would answer to be 100% above-board with your fiancee, and involve the local police the day of the wedding to give them a heads-up. Also, if you have brothers or male cousins or uncles, they would most likely be happy to greet Romeo at the door if he tries to crash.
Where are you getting not telling the fiance? Amy's whole first paragraph was "Tell him!" (...full disclosure, etc., etc...)
Yeah, security guard. And give the police a heads up. And the male relatives, etc.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Aug 1, 2013
LW1: Actually, there’s more than one problem. First, you should not be getting married. Second, I don’t think you are over your ex or else you wouldn’t be so chummy with him. Third, your fiancé probably doesn’t know about his threat, because you know he’d be upset to know you were so chummy with a guy who is in love with you and professes it, who you had a hard time getting over, and who you just broke up with a year ago.

I also think in general it is better to date more than a year before marriage.

LW2: The whole thing sounds kind of strange, but unless it was intentional, I would probably still pay her. I would also find a new dog sitter.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Aug 1, 2013
LW1: "My ex,“Steve,” broke up with me a year ago. It was not a happy relationship, but I loved him, and getting over him was hard."

Obviously not that hard, since you're getting married to someone else a year later.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like you're even old enough to get married, but since you are, please tell the fiance about this.

Oh, and knock of the fantisizing that you mislable as "nightmares." You would LOVE to have this drama at your wedding, so that your "beloved fiance" can play out some romance-novel fantasy you have going on in that kooky little head and prove his love for you. <puke>

And since I highly doubt that you have the money to hire a security person, you will have to get some family members to do this duty instead. More drama...

LW2: Pay her, make your neighbors happy, and vet your next dogwalker better.

LW3: What if you were a thumb-sucker? Is that still OK?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Aug 1, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW1: "My ex,“Steve,” broke up with me a year ago. It was not a happy relationship, but I loved him, and getting over him was hard."
Obviously not that hard, since you're getting married to someone else a year later.
Frankly, it doesn't sound like you're even old enough to get married, but since you are, please tell the fiance about this.
Oh, and knock of the fantisizing that you mislable as "nightmares." You would LOVE to have this drama at your wedding, so that your "beloved fiance" can play out some romance-novel fantasy you have going on in that kooky little head and prove his love for you. <puke>
And since I highly doubt that you have the money to hire a security person, you will have to get some family members to do this duty instead. More drama...
LW2: Pay her, make your neighbors happy, and vet your next dogwalker better.
LW3: What if you were a thumb-sucker? Is that still OK?
L1 I agree. However getting a security guard is not expensive. We had a big Sweet 16 party . The local police force(the suburb between you and me) keeps a list of officers who will work off duty at a reasonable price per hour. I think it cost us maybe $150. The officer wore a nice sport coat. He looked like one of the dads.

L2. One of my very good friends had a highly vetted baby sitter for her boys, a local minister's daughter. Husband came home mid day to find her drunk, fully clothed in the shower, singing obscenities.

I agree she should be paid and LW is stuck with the costs.New dogwalker though.

L3 One moves from sucking thumbs to sucking....uh, cigarettes?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Aug 1, 2013
I don't see the blanket thing much different than the people who have a lucky shirt or other article of clothing -- even jewelry. No big deal.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Aug 1, 2013
PE, I like that he wore a sport coat and blended in with the guests.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#14 Aug 1, 2013
LW1: There are ALL KINDS of red flags here. You had a hard time getting over your ex from a year ago and ou're already marrying the rebound guy? And you won't tell rebound guy you spoke with your ex (I am assuming) and he is threatening to crash the wedding? You are a train wreck.

LW2: Judge Judy!

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#15 Aug 1, 2013
L1. Yeah. Forget about the local police. I have the perfect solution.
Invite me to the wedding and if Steve should happen to show up I will treat him to a knuckle sandwich at no charge.
Be sure and inform him of what I intend to do.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#16 Aug 1, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
PE, I like that he wore a sport coat and blended in with the guests.
yeah, that is nice. some departments require their off duty officers to be in full uniform, including side arm, wehn working off-duty. i had a problem with a client that felt their best resource for security was off-duty officers, and teh officers were required to ahve their weapon with them. Works for commercial work, but probably not the best PR move for private functions... <sigh>
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#18 Aug 1, 2013
LW1: Team squishymama with a side of Sublime. I don't know if LW is over Steve or not, but I think it's too soon for her to be marrying New Guy. But she is going to do it anyway, so I think hiring a private security guard and having the male relatives assist with identifying Steve is the best plan. However, I think the likelihood of him showing up is slim. Although...(OT alert) a very good friend of mine had a similar situation occur. Her ex-live-in bf Barry asked her to move out. She did, and started seeing Sean. Barry decides that he's madly in love with her and can't live without her. He goes over to her new apt, and knocks a dent in the front door trying to get her to open, then tries to crawl in a window! It got ugly. The new bf and the police got involved and the police convinced him to go home... So... you never know.

LW2: How stupid do you have to be to flood a bathroom in an apartment through carelessness? I do not think that she should expect to be paid, under the circumstances.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#19 Aug 1, 2013
1: And this is why most of us stop talking once we have been ex'd out of someone's life! Idiot girl.
And 12 months to heal, find a new guy, get engaged?
I swear, it's like people are intentionally trying to get divorced eventually, the signs are so huge.

2: The girl is technically an adult. Ignore her mom in this scenario.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Aug 1, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
I swear, it's like people are intentionally trying to get divorced eventually, the signs are so huge.
You know, you nailed it. People who are working so hard to get married don't realize that the way theyr'e going about it, they're likely to get divorced as a result of the rushed/bad choices.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#21 Aug 1, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
You know, you nailed it. People who are working so hard to get married don't realize that the way theyr'e going about it, they're likely to get divorced as a result of the rushed/bad choices.
It's as if they think that getting married will solve all of their problems for life. It doesn't. And it should not be rushed, IMHO. I know there are people who got married fairly quickly and it worked out for them, but the odds are against it.

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