“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jan 10, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years, "Clint," recently brought a large framed picture of his deceased wife into our home. He placed it on his dresser in front of framed photos of us together.

His wife died three years ago. We are living together in a condo Clint bought for me. He made it clear from the beginning that he didn't want to move me into "her house."

Clint also still wears his wedding ring. He carries guilt and doesn't seem to have made closure. I told him I don't feel comfortable with her picture "looking at us." He doesn't think there should be a problem. Should I move on?-- IN THE SHADOWS

DEAR IN THE SHADOWS: That Clint still wears his wedding ring tells me he may not have accepted his wife's death. How sad for him.

Ask him to move his wife's picture to a room other than the bedroom because, while he doesn't think it's creating a problem, it is creating one for you. If he can't bring himself to do that -- and join a grief support group -- then you should consider moving on.

DEAR ABBY: Enough with the problems! It's time you printed a positive letter.

I'm an active, friendly senior who lives alone, but I'm not lonely. I have many friends of all ages and a devoted family. Why? Because as I traveled through many states during my life, I reached out to people along the way.

The saying, "If you want a friend, be a friend," is true. If we want friends, we can't sit back and wait for people to come to us. Smile, speak up, pay a sincere compliment -- just communicate! If you do, the majority of people will respond positively.

I socialize with people my age in church circles, card clubs and dining-out groups who can't understand why I'm always so busy. They don't reach out except to people they already know. As people get older, that group is constantly shrinking. Join a religious group, community clubs and organizations. Volunteer to read at schools and libraries. Visit a senior group or center.

Many people of all ages fear they won't be accepted. But if they show up with a friendly attitude, they will be. You have to contribute -- whether it's with a smile, an opening remark or some other welcoming gesture.

I served in the military, taught Sunday school, led Girl Scouts, garden clubs, church and neighborhood groups while following my husband through eight states and raising three children. My husband was often away in his business, but we had a strong, supportive marriage. He joined me in many activities when he could be home.

I think many people have forgotten we must give in order to get. When we reach out to others, most of the time those people reach back.-- NOT LONELY IN WOODSTOCK, ILL.

DEAR NOT LONELY: It's easy to see why you have a wide circle of friends. Your positive energy leaps off the page.

There are two types of people in the world: those who come into a room and their attitude says, "Here I am!" and those who come into a room and their attitude says, "There you are!" You are one of the latter. If people want a warm welcome, they should keep in mind that the happier they are to see others, the happier others will be to see them.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jan 10, 2014
1 You and clint both need therapy. Him for his grief and you for your stupidity.

2 Dont break your arm patting yourself of the back. Your also an insufferable braggart.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#3 Jan 10, 2014
L2: I'm never lonely, either. It's called being an introvert.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Jan 10, 2014
Lw2 has a point, BUT many of these people are quite content with their lives and how things are winding down. Just because it isn't the future/retirement SHE prefers doesn't make it inferior to her way.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Jan 10, 2014
"DEAR ABBY: Enough with the problems! It's time you printed a positive letter"

This is an ADVICE column. If you are not seeking advice for some problem, fk off. No one gives a rat's ass how happy you claim to be.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#6 Jan 10, 2014
1- I find it odd that he's so hung up on his dead wife, but he started dating you only a year after her death...

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#7 Jan 10, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- I find it odd that he's so hung up on his dead wife, but he started dating you only a year after her death...
Right? The LW is a rebound relationship.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Jan 10, 2014
LW1: You both need to give a little. Sheís always going to have a place in his heart Ö so you canít be too weird about that. Instead of resenting that you could embrace it. I read about this story last week and I thought everybody involved set a really good example:

http://news.yahoo.com/woman-letter-christmas-...

At the same time, he needs to understand that he has to take your feelings into account, not just his own. Thatís not something that should go into your bedroom, IMO.

LW2: Not everyone wants to be so busy. I like a social life, but I also like some quiet time too. I need balance.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Jan 10, 2014
LW1: Thanks for not elaborating on why he feels guilty about her death.

If he's not totally ready to let go, and you're willing to put up with this, he can wear his ring on a chain around his neck and put the photo anywhere else but your shared bedroom. He doesn't have to erase her completely, but he needs to understand that if he wants a healthy relationship with you he has to start looking foward, not backward.

LW2: Good thing you're active, otherwise you might have dislocated your shoulder patting yourself on the back.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#10 Jan 10, 2014
LW1: Team squishymama. Placement is everything. The picture belongs somewhere other than in the bedroom. No woman wants to share a bedroom with a ghost.

I have a male friend whose first wife died of cancer at a very young age. They had a child together, now a teen. He remarried. He still keeps a small picture of he and his wife in his office.
Blunt Advice

United States

#11 Jan 10, 2014
1. Sounds like while Clint willingly gives you his p ness he won't give you his heart (which is broken). If you can't deal with it then move on.

2. As a busy involved person (Elk, community theatre etc...) I do agree that keeping busy is good for making friends and overall happiness for myself. But it isn't for everyone. Some people prefer a quiet reclusive life. If you are lonely, then getting out and doing things while helping others is key.

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