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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Sep 12, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have four siblings. We get along fine as long as we're apart.

During Mom's and Dad's funerals, I was dismayed at the degree of tension and bickering among us. I am now dealing with an incurable illness that will shorten my life considerably. I have no desire to put my husband through a funeral hosting a family who never liked him. I prefer to be cremated, and a handwritten letter be sent to each of my siblings after the fact.

Is this selfish? I don't want people saying things they don't sincerely mean. I didn't have a happy childhood, and my siblings contributed to that. My letter will not be accusatory, nor will it rake up long-ago hurts. I just want them to know that my husband has carried out my wishes and they should not blame him for doing so. Any thoughts?-- KEEPING IT SIMPLE

DEAR KEEPING IT SIMPLE: I don't think your wishes are selfish. You're entitled to exit the stage of life in the manner you choose. Because you prefer to bid your siblings goodbye in handwritten letters, go ahead and do it.

If I have any advice to offer it is that your husband should continue to maintain a healthy distance from your siblings after your death. You can't prevent them from having whatever reaction they choose, considering the level of dysfunction in your family. It's not unusual for survivors to react with anger after a death, and your husband should not take it personally if they do.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter rents a second-floor apartment with her two little girls. The tenant on the first floor is on oxygen and smokes cigarettes. I am concerned about the risk of an explosion that could injure my family upstairs.

My daughter would like to move, but her lease won't be up until January. What should we do? I don't believe she can afford a lawyer unless legal aid is available to her. I find the situation scary.-- WORRIED IN OHIO

DEAR WORRIED: I find it scary, too. Has your daughter discussed this with the manager of the building? If she hasn't, she should, and the conversation should be documented. An explosion could harm more neighbors than just her and her children. The smoker is a danger to everyone.

If the manager can't compel the smoker to stop, then your daughter should move because, in a sense, the tenant downstairs is a ticking time bomb, and her children's safety is paramount.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt "Stacey" has what they call salt-and-pepper-colored hair. We have suggested many times that she dye it, but she doesn't want to have to keep up with it. Recently, someone asked her 14-year-old daughter if that was her grandmother!

Aunt Stacey will be coming for a visit soon and we want to surprise her with a hair dye. How should we go about it?-- KRISTY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR KRISTY: Don't do it, or the people who get surprised could be you and whoever else has concocted this hair-brained scheme. Not all women want to color their hair. Some would prefer to avoid the expense, and others become allergic to the hair dye. My advice is to appreciate your aunt for the person she is and forget about trying to change her image.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Sep 12, 2013
2- Helecopter mom who's overly paranoid.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Sep 12, 2013
L1: "We get along fine as long as we're apart." So you DON'T get along.

L2: "You can't prevent them from having whatever reaction they choose." You also can't prevent them from organizing and hosting a memorial service or even a funeral despite your wishes, and even going against your husband to do so.

L3: Fk you.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Sep 12, 2013
Oops. L2 and L3 are L3 and L4.

L2: WTH? First of all, there wouldn't be an "explosion." There *may* be a fire, but I assure you, the person smoking isn't going to blow the place up. AT worst, he'll have a small fire. Get your daughter a couple of good fire extinguishers (she should have two anyway already).

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#5 Sep 12, 2013
1. Good for you. You have every right to go out anyway you choose and I applaud your attempt to shelter your husband from your miserable siblings.

2. Call the police to file a complaint if you're so concerned.

3. Stupidest niece I've seen in awhile. Stick to your homework Einstein.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#6 Sep 12, 2013
L3: You people are just awful. Leave that woman and her hair alone.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Sep 12, 2013
LW1: Do whatever you want.

LW2: I think you all are overreacting. Youíre acting like the person is breathing propane or C4.

LW3: I donít know why you are so concerned about this, seeing as how she couldnít care less.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#8 Sep 12, 2013
Oxygen doesn't "blow up"!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#9 Sep 12, 2013
1 The truth is you DONT get along with your siblings, so quit pretending you do. Anyway, I would let them know NOW that is what is going to happen and not have it sprung upon them later. That way the only surprise they will get is the fact that you died and your husband had the kahuna's to carry out your wishes.

2 She should move out because of the second hand smoke not the potential for an explosion. But I be you all smoke anyway or else you would have mentioned that.

3 If she is happy with her hair then BTFO! Oh and maybe take a lesson is what it actually means to be comfortable in your own skin!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Sep 12, 2013
No, its an accelerate and makes small flames big!
VAdame wrote:
Oxygen doesn't "blow up"!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Sep 12, 2013
RACE wrote:
1 The truth is you DONT get along with your siblings, so quit pretending you do. Anyway, I would let them know NOW that is what is going to happen and not have it sprung upon them later. That way the only surprise they will get is the fact that you died and your husband had the kahuna's to carry out your wishes.
I agree. Tell the siblings now.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Sep 12, 2013
L1: Do what you want and realize you have no control over anything once you're dead.

L2: People -- oxygen tanks can explode. http://www.khou.com/news/local/Woman-killed-i...

Personally, I'd complain, call the fire marshall, try to get my deposit back and move. It's not worth my life to save a few dollars.

L3: This is incredibly stupid. Who are these people to say what this woman should do with her hair?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Sep 12, 2013
An oxygen tank can't explode in a combustible manner. You need a source of carbon for a fire or an explosion.

Oxygen is only an accelerate in the sense that it will cause a carbon source to burn at a faster rate than it otherwise would. So, for example if you are smoking a cigarette, it could make the cigarette burn like a torch, not in a controlled manner.

Now it could explode from over pressurization in the event it is heated from a fire, but it cannot explode like a fuel would. It defies basic high school chemistry understanding to even suggest this.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Sep 12, 2013
It's the same thing as thinking cars blow up like they show on TV and in the movies. THey don't.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#15 Sep 12, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
An oxygen tank can't explode in a combustible manner. You need a source of carbon for a fire or an explosion.
Oxygen is only an accelerate in the sense that it will cause a carbon source to burn at a faster rate than it otherwise would. So, for example if you are smoking a cigarette, it could make the cigarette burn like a torch, not in a controlled manner.
Now it could explode from over pressurization in the event it is heated from a fire, but it cannot explode like a fuel would. It defies basic high school chemistry understanding to even suggest this.
Well, then why are oxygen tanks exploding? Cigarettes need a fire source to light them. Houses are full of combustible stuff.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusett...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Sep 12, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
It's the same thing as thinking cars blow up like they show on TV and in the movies. THey don't.
Cars rarely blow up b/c of the lack of oxygen in the fuel line and tank.

Oxygen tank has plenty of that. Oxygen tank needs a fire source.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#17 Sep 12, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, then why are oxygen tanks exploding? Cigarettes need a fire source to light them. Houses are full of combustible stuff.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusett...
I didn't see in the article that the tanks blew up. But the oxygen works as an accellerant -- and the person smoking typically will be in bed or in an upholstered chair, items that are very flammable.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#18 Sep 12, 2013
LW1: Do whatever the eff you want.

LW2: If you are so f*cking worried, why don't you pay her rent in the old space while she moves to a new one, because she will not be able to get out of her current lease for this reason. But I'm guessing you can't for the same reason she can't; the $$$.

She should get a couple smoke detectors and put them in the stairwell if there aren't some there already and some good fire extinguishers. And start packing now.

LW3: I would be soooooo pissed if my family did this to me. I DO NOT want to dye my hair, I don't care how grey it gets.

A new hair style, tho? I bet that would go over much better.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#19 Sep 12, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, then why are oxygen tanks exploding? Cigarettes need a fire source to light them. Houses are full of combustible stuff.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusett...
They can't explode Toj in the manner you are thinking. They can become over pressurized from being heated in a fire and explode, but an oxygen tank at any temp close to room temperature cannot possibly explode.

It also doesn't matter if houses are full of combustible stuff ... the oxygen that you are saying explodes is in a tank and the combustible stuff is not. To make the oxygen in the tank explode from combustion, you'd need combustible stuff in the tank (there is none) and an ignition source. If that were the case, then yes, you could have a tank explode, but it's not.

I've taken years of chemistry ... I'm 100% sure the things you say are not impossible. Don't believe me, read this:

http://www.oxyview.com/Articles/CommonMythsRe...

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#20 Sep 12, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Oxygen tank has plenty of that. Oxygen tank needs a fire source.
A fire source and a fuel (carbon) source. There is no fuel in an oxygen tank that could cause it to explode. You could put flint and steel inside an oxygen tank and shake it up all you want, causing the flint and the steel to make sparks inside the tank and you will get no explosion. There is nothing to burn. Oxygen needs to combine with a carbon source to make a fire, thus producing usually CO2 and sometimes CO in a low oxygen environment... if you have no carbon source you can't have a fire, much less an explosion.

It can only explode via over pressurization, say via heating a fire outside of the tank, in which case the over pressurization would cause it to explode, but you can do that with any pressurized gas in any tank.

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