First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Apr 25, 2014
DEAR AMY: I need advice on setting boundaries during the "exploratory" phase of a relationship. We are both in our 60s and have been seeing each other exclusively for six months. We live three hours apart, so we don't have the luxury of casual or spontaneous dates.

Our visits are usually two to four days in duration. That intensity of being together brings a host of problems, especially this one: When is the proper time for discussing disposing of property (cars, jewelry and other belongings) that were part of a previous marriage?

She thinks I should dispose of my three vehicles (none especially valuable but very functional).

My three children are very attached to my 1984 pickup that has been the source of many fantastic family memories.

Most controversial is a beautiful set of gold cuff links and studs given to me by my second wife 20 years ago. I wore them to a formal event with her, and she had a complete meltdown when she learned their origin and went home early the next day. This has been a huge issue.

I haven't asked her to get rid of her things (including a beautiful ruby engagement ring), nor am I likely to. I think it is really inappropriate at this point in our relationship.

I would gladly get rid of any item she has a problem with as long as she replaced the item with something I could cherish from her.

I feel my boundaries are getting trampled, and so does my counselor.-- Bewildered in Va.

DEAR BEWILDERED: The guidelines about disposing of property from your own life when you are in your 60s and in a new "exploratory" relationship are as follows:

There are none. Because it's stupid.

Your female friend seriously wants you to get rid of your automobiles? Is her rationale that your 1984 pickup once transported one of your previous wives to the garden center?

I grant that jewelry and other intimate gifts from previous spouses can be emotionally loaded, but after the whole truck thing, I'm not inclined to give this woman the benefit of the doubt.

You should clear your house of fun photos showing you romping with previous partners. Otherwise, for now, she's going to have to deal. With your life. As is.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been in a good relationship for five years. We have had our ups and downs but are a strong unit.

Lately, I have been seeing old friends getting married and having babies, and I'm starting to wonder when it will be my turn. The problem is my boyfriend still wants to experience life. How do I tell him that I am ready to move on and grow up in life without scaring him away?-- Growing Up

DEAR GROWING: Finding a partner, a steady job and home, and building a life together is "experiencing life," but if your boyfriend doesn't see this, then he definitely isn't ready to experience life as you want to live it.

You both need to be brave enough to tell the truth to each other. He may have his own life plan that involves all of the things you want -- but further down the road.

DEAR AMY: "Want to Exit" wrote to you expressing his desire to come out surrounded by supportive people.

My son told my husband and me that he was gay the summer between ninth and tenth grades. He began telling selected friends and was public about his orientation through the rest of high school, serving with his high school's "Gay-Straight Alliance" club and on a committee in our church that advocates for full rights for all LGBTQ people.

While we were concerned that his openness would have unintended consequences, making high school a difficult experience, our fears were misplaced. What we had not fully appreciated is the stress and strain of keeping such a secret and essentially living a lie. I am grateful that our son's integrity and courage were undaunted by our initial concerns.-- Proud Mom

DEAR PROUD: Your son's family and community created a safe space where he could be himself. That is something you all should be proud of.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Apr 25, 2014
1- I'm with the lw and Amy, the girlfriend sounds extremely insecure and needs to get over it

2- This is why it's never a good idea to go to a wedding with your girlfriend, next thing you know, SHE wants to get married. Ages aren't mentioned so it's hard to form an opinion, but the lw shouldn't rush into things just because "all my friends are doing it."

3- Must be from San Francisco

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Apr 25, 2014
1. If you are uncomfortable with the way she is acting about boundaries, them she is crossing them.

Danger Will Robinson.

About that jewelry? Are we talking a 1970's engraved silver ID bracelet or your ex wife's stuff that you somehow kept?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Apr 25, 2014
L1: She's wacko. If the LW wants to keep her around, though (although I wouldn't know why), stop telling her where you get things.

L2: I agree with edog on the whole don't do it b/c your friends are. Do sit down and get on the same page as your SO, though.

L3: Great.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Apr 25, 2014
LW1: That letter threw me at first, because I always thought the “exploratory” phase was when you explore every aspect of her nekkid body.

I think there’s been more than enough exploring and I can see why you’ve had multiple wives, dummy. She practically comes with a red flag tattooed on her face, but you don’t see it. I would toss that chick faster than I would molten lava in my hand.

LW2: Put some blue dye in a pregnancy test, show it to him and tell him you're prego. If he doesn’t run out of the house screaming that you’ve ruined his life, you’ll know that he’s ready for his life to be ruined, lol.

LW3: If your allstar gay son had been less of a slacker he would have joined the gay debate team too.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#6 Apr 25, 2014
L1: Give the pickup to one of your kids, since they're so attached to it. But not because your crazy girlfriend said to do it. She's acting like a 13-year-old.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#7 Apr 25, 2014
Stepping off from L2....

A friend of mine asked me a couple of weeks ago if D and I have talked about marriage. I told her that we have, because, literally, we have. Not that it's imminent, but of course after a year of dating, the subject has come up.

I talked to the same friend this morning and she said every day she's waiting for me to announce that I'm engaged. Oh dear....

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Apr 25, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
Stepping off from L2....
A friend of mine asked me a couple of weeks ago if D and I have talked about marriage. I told her that we have, because, literally, we have. Not that it's imminent, but of course after a year of dating, the subject has come up.
I talked to the same friend this morning and she said every day she's waiting for me to announce that I'm engaged. Oh dear....
I could totally see that. I only met him for a little bit but he seems like a great guy, and you seemed lovely as well.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#9 Apr 25, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
Stepping off from L2....
A friend of mine asked me a couple of weeks ago if D and I have talked about marriage. I told her that we have, because, literally, we have. Not that it's imminent, but of course after a year of dating, the subject has come up.
I talked to the same friend this morning and she said every day she's waiting for me to announce that I'm engaged. Oh dear....
Oy!!!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 Apr 25, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
Stepping off from L2....
A friend of mine asked me a couple of weeks ago if D and I have talked about marriage. I told her that we have, because, literally, we have. Not that it's imminent, but of course after a year of dating, the subject has come up.
I talked to the same friend this morning and she said every day she's waiting for me to announce that I'm engaged. Oh dear....
That's crazy. Is she married? Start asking her when she's going to have a kid or, if she already has one, ask when she's going to have the next one. Ask everyday.:D

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#11 Apr 25, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
That's crazy. Is she married? Start asking her when she's going to have a kid or, if she already has one, ask when she's going to have the next one. Ask everyday.:D
If she's unmarried and child-free, ask when she's getting a cat. And if she has one, ask her when she's getting another...:-D

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#12 Apr 25, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I could totally see that. I only met him for a little bit but he seems like a great guy, and you seemed lovely as well.
Thanks!

He asks me periodically if anything interesting is going on on Topix, and asks about the people he met and the people I mention semi-regularly (he was very supportive of me during Angela's illness).
:)

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#13 Apr 25, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
That's crazy. Is she married? Start asking her when she's going to have a kid or, if she already has one, ask when she's going to have the next one. Ask everyday.:D
That would devastate her.

She's not married and doesn't have kids, but wants both in the most painfully desperate way. Guys (Jasper, D, male friends) all agree that she's very attractive and has a fun personality, but has self-esteem issues. The guy she's been dating for almost a year is "emotionally unavailable" and while he's a catch on paper, she has spent so much time and energy trying to be there for him (his mom was terminally ill and passed away in February) without it being reciprocated... she's exhausted.

I'll shut her down if she really starts asking me on a regular basis, but in the meantime, I know she'd be genuinely happy for me, so... <shrug>. First world problems, right?

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#14 Apr 25, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
If she's unmarried and child-free, ask when she's getting a cat. And if she has one, ask her when she's getting another...:-D
She's more of a dog person, and luckily the building she lives in doesn't allow dogs. I say luckily because of her schedule, or rather lack thereof... she'd need a dog walker.
:)

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#15 Apr 25, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
That would devastate her.
She's not married and doesn't have kids, but wants both in the most painfully desperate way. Guys (Jasper, D, male friends) all agree that she's very attractive and has a fun personality, but has self-esteem issues. The guy she's been dating for almost a year is "emotionally unavailable" and while he's a catch on paper, she has spent so much time and energy trying to be there for him (his mom was terminally ill and passed away in February) without it being reciprocated... she's exhausted.
I'll shut her down if she really starts asking me on a regular basis, but in the meantime, I know she'd be genuinely happy for me, so... <shrug>. First world problems, right?
That's so sad.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#16 Apr 25, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Thanks!
He asks me periodically if anything interesting is going on on Topix, and asks about the people he met and the people I mention semi-regularly (he was very supportive of me during Angela's illness).
:)
Ha, ha I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about after the past few days, lol!

That's nice that he was supportive. He seemed to understand how people can develop friendships on here.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#17 Apr 25, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>I'll shut her down if she really starts asking me on a regular basis, but in the meantime, I know she'd be genuinely happy for me, so... <shrug>. First world problems, right?
I know some people get really upset about that stuff, but I wouldn't have a problem with a friend asking me that ... maybe if they put me on the spot in front of a bunch of people, but a good friend asking me when we were hanging out and not doing so constantly... I don't see the big deal.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#18 Apr 25, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I know some people get really upset about that stuff, but I wouldn't have a problem with a friend asking me that ... maybe if they put me on the spot in front of a bunch of people, but a good friend asking me when we were hanging out and not doing so constantly... I don't see the big deal.
Oh, I don't mind that she asked ONCE. But if it starts to be a regular thing, that will get old fast.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Apr 25, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
Stepping off from L2....
A friend of mine asked me a couple of weeks ago if D and I have talked about marriage. I told her that we have, because, literally, we have. Not that it's imminent, but of course after a year of dating, the subject has come up.
I talked to the same friend this morning and she said every day she's waiting for me to announce that I'm engaged. Oh dear....
Wow, has it been a year? Seeing as how I gave Jasper his fake name, I find it only fitting I do the same for....DANTE!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#20 Apr 25, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
Ha, ha I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about after the past few days, lol!
Once again, you think everyone is focused on you.

She might mention you, but I think it'll be more along the lines of "So, you know that wierdo we met? He's totally gone mental lately and he's trying to ruin the thread we most enjoy posting on. Sad, really, but always figured he wasn't quite mentally stable."

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 1 min Demo Vermin 1,619,992
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 1 hr They cannot kill ... 11,438
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 4 hr Benjamin Ghazi 242,784
bill murray to open a new restaurant in crowne ... 7 hr Whatever 1
last post wins! (Dec '10) 12 hr honeymylove 3,208
Benghazi, the REAL story. 14 hr Genl Forrest 12
Steve Wilkos : talk show host ? or simple mi... (Feb '08) 17 hr Melovesteve8701 479

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages