Abby 8-16-14

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Aug 16, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I have been single for a couple of years. I have always been levelheaded when it comes to romance, but I'm finding myself unable to control my feelings about the new man I'm seeing.

"Brent" is smart, intelligent, sweet and loving. We have been dating for a little over a week and he has already given me keys to his place.(I have a roommate, or I would have given him my keys, too!)

I love him. He loves me. I am so happy. I feel calm and confident about how we're progressing. This is a first for me. I know it's unusually fast, but my parents got married six weeks after they met, and they're still happy together after 37 years.

Love at first sight is rare, but I think this is it. Your thoughts?-- WOWED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WOWED: I'm glad for your parents, but because they married six weeks after they met does not mean you must repeat history. Right now, you and Brent appear to be caught up in a whirl of endorphins and adrenaline. Because you asked for my thoughts I'll share them: Slow down until both of you have your feet back on the ground because that is how solid relationships are built. Your folks were an exception to the rule. If you don't believe me, ask them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 62-year-old male. My problem is I have never been married, and when I go on dates, women always want to know why I'm still single.

The reasons are financial and also that I'm allergic to cats.(A lot of women own cats.) I have never made much money, and I live with my mother. I can't afford to move out, and even when I had a place of my own, it didn't make much difference. I'd like to be married, but this has become a catch-22. No one wants to marry me because I have never been married.

I have looked this issue up online and it is a huge problem; women definitely discriminate against never-married men. Sometimes I wonder if I should lie and say I'm a widower. What can I say to women who interrogate me about this?-- SEARCHING FOR A MATE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SEARCHING: If you lie about the fact that you're a lifelong bachelor, at some point the truth will come out and your credibility will be shot. That's why I'm advising you to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Your marital status is nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone is meant to be married. You say you are 62 and live with your mother because you can't afford to live on your own. Has it occurred to you that you might not be able to afford being married?

Also, marriage is a big adjustment for anyone -- male or female. There is no guarantee that a person who has become set in his or her ways can successfully make that transition. This is not to say that you shouldn't have companionship, but you don't need a wife for that. A good friend -- or several -- could provide it.
Judge Janie

Eagle Butte, SD

#2 Aug 16, 2014
For LW2, such discrimination is not gender-specific, believe me. I was a never-married single parent until my early forties and I also lived with my parents and son for a good portion of that time. Once I hit my mid-thirties, it became almost impossible to date because all the men wanted to know was why I had never been married, what I thought was "wrong" with me; this was before we even got to the living-with-my-parents part. And many of them had been divorced multiple times in only their thirties and forties, yet they wanted to think there was something "wrong" with me for never having been married.

Of course, the king was the jerk who started off the dinner date by asking why I'd had my son, why I didn't just "have an abortion and be done with it." Now, I'm pro-choice, but that means just that, CHOICE, and I knew that, while I supported free choice and was glad it was available, I also couldn't emotionally deal with having one myself. Needless to say, I stood up and left at that point! Fortunately, my wonderful hubby saw through the superficial BS and had no problem with my never having been married. And it was well worth the wait, especially when I consider the jerks almost married in the past!

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#3 Aug 18, 2014
Wow. LW didn't get married because he's allergic to cats? Huh??? Most women I know DON'T have cats.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#4 Aug 18, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
Wow. LW didn't get married because he's allergic to cats? Huh??? Most women I know DON'T have cats.
I was wondering why he didn't choose a lady who had a short haired dog instead.

:)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Aug 18, 2014
Lw is kidding himself if he thinks the main reason women find him undesirable is his lifelong bachelorhood. Women steer clear cause he's 62 and still lives with mom.

Additionally, being 62 and never(aside from some seemingly brief period) having been able to afford to live on your own does not speak well of you either. To not have enough ambition to get out of that situation says loser to me.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Aug 18, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
Lw is kidding himself if he thinks the main reason women find him undesirable is his lifelong bachelorhood. Women steer clear cause he's 62 and still lives with mom.
Additionally, being 62 and never(aside from some seemingly brief period) having been able to afford to live on your own does not speak well of you either. To not have enough ambition to get out of that situation says loser to me.
Loser sounds so much sadder when you are 62 and have yet to leave home

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