First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Sep 30, 2013
DEAR AMY: I am a high school math teacher. I am having frequent and intense hot flashes in class while standing in front of a group of juniors and seniors.

How do I address with my students the fact that I am suddenly bright red and soaking wet? I do not think it is appropriate to explain that I am having menopausal hot flashes.-- The Teach

DEAR TEACH: You know your students and their capabilities and maturity level, so if you don't think it's appropriate to disclose the very commonplace and factual reason for your sudden and obvious physical manifestations, then I suggest you keep a fan handy and simply deal with your symptoms with no explanation. Just say "Excuse me a minute" and peel off your sweater, take a drink of cool water and fan yourself until it passes.

However, I think you run the risk of creating confusion (or rumors because of misinformation) when it could be dispatched and dealt with fairly quickly. Let's say you have a sudden hot flash in fifth-period calculus. You can say, "Sorry, class, I'm having a hot flash. Let me fan myself and take a drink of water and it should go away in a minute. Whew!"

Any students who are sufficiently fascinated can very easily do an Internet search to discover what's going on and the reason behind it. Soon enough this will become just another aspect of the natural and quirky progression of your day.

When I ran your question past a high schooler in my life, she said, "Nobody really notices what's going on with the teachers anyway." This is a reminder that what happens to you in the moment might not have a proportional impact on your students.

DEAR AMY: I have a very dear lifelong friend who has been a spiritual mentor, but over the past few years she has become increasingly engaged in Facebook romances -- all the while complaining about her husband and alleging that he's doing the same kind of thing.

I don't want to judge but I feel compromised when she talks about her online "friends," especially since she has not addressed the problems within her marriage over the years. She has a short fuse if she gets the slightest whiff of criticism. I have tried discussing this with her, and suffered the consequences.

I want to keep the friendship, but I'd like to close the door on being told of online romances that feel unsavory -- until such time as she clears a pathway to resolve her marital situation. What's the best way to approach this?-- Friend in Need

DEAR FRIEND: Based on what you report, it is really tough to see what about this person makes her an adequate friend, not to mention "spiritual mentor."

Friends tell the truth to one another. Friends don't slam the door to correction or reflection when it is offered with affection. They do their best to listen.

I take you at your word that you want to stay friends with this manipulative train wreck. And so, given the limitations she is placing on you, if you want to stay friends you will have to stop her at the pass when she starts emoting about her Facebook romances. Practice saying this: "This makes me uncomfortable. Let's change the subject, OK?"

DEAR AMY: "Acting Foolish" was thinking about skipping his stepdaughter's wedding because she was choosing her biological father to walk her down the aisle.

If he doesn't attend the wedding, he will regret it. He should put on his big-boy boots and be there for his stepdaughter, regardless of whether he gets the honor of walking her down the aisle. Who knows? He just might be the one she chooses for the daddy-daughter dance. And that would be a really big win for everyone.-- Carole

DEAR CAROLE: The large response to this question tells me that many families have dealt successfully with this tricky situation. Offering the stepfather the father-bride dance is a great idea.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#2 Sep 30, 2013
LW1: I donít think anyone cares to know or needs to know about your hot flashes.

LW2: Tell her you don't care to discuss it any further. Was that so hard?

LW3: Take the high road.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#3 Sep 30, 2013
L1: Please just press on. You start explaining them, and that's all you will be talking about in class.

L2: "I have a very dear lifelong friend who has been a spiritual mentor..." and she's a hyper-sensitive byotch whose ethics are totally different from mine. Oh, yeah...she's also a hypocrite.
Please tell me how to keep this relationship intact, and explain why I am so screwed up that I want to do that.

L3: Seriously? This was worth writing to Amy? The original was barely worth commenting about on here. Gee, it's hard to believe that my life is more interesting than anyone else's, but apparently I got Carole whooped. Yay me.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Sep 30, 2013
1 Yeah what amy said (eye-roll) Just what your teenage students want to know about menopause. ICK!

2 What cult do you belong to?

3 Sounds great, go to the wedding and maybe there will be a surprise for you! Kinda like opening a cracker-jacks box. Whoopie!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Sep 30, 2013
1- No one cares.

2- How about MYOB? Stay out of her business. I might be a bad friend because I couldn't care less about my friends' personal romances.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#6 Sep 30, 2013
I thought LW1 was being paid to teach math.

Team Sublime and Team RACE on LW2 & 3

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Sep 30, 2013
Lots of things cause what look like hot flashes: blood sugar fluctuations, reaction to niacin if you take it as a supplement,flu.

High school kids are very self involved and probably would not notice unless you collapse on the floor and maybe not then.

Find another older teacher and ak how she handled it
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#8 Sep 30, 2013
LW1: What everyone else said (don't tell the class, they don't notice or care), plus see your doctor and/or google to find a remedy for your problem.

LW2: If you really want to stay friends with this person, listen without judgement and make no comments. People are not perfect and sometimes they make huge mistakes. I have a friend who had an affair. I told her that I didn't think it was a great idea and then withdrew for a bit while she blundered her way to the inevitable consequences. Express your opinion if you like, but in the end, your friend is going to do what she is going to do.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#9 Sep 30, 2013
RACE wrote:
2 What cult do you belong to?
Actually, Race (and Amy too!), "Spiritual Mentor" is probably code for AA/NA/Al Anon sponsor. And it sounds to me like sponsor & her spouse have an open or semi-open marriage, and the pigeon disapproves.

Pigeon, use your words!

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#10 Sep 30, 2013
"And it sounds to me like sponsor & her spouse have an open or semi-open marriage, and the pigeon disapproves"

CORRECTION after re-reading: Sponsor is engaging in a little marital tit-for-tat (can I say that here?) & pigeon disapproves. Still, yeah, use your words pigeon!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Sep 30, 2013
LW1: NO one cares.

LW2: How hard is it to read the first two lines of a FB post, realize that it's about a subject you don't care to know about, and keep on scrolling? No one is forcing you to read and/or get involved in your friends drama; that's all on you.

And btw, you sound totally judgemental.

LW3: But who's gonna walk the rehash down the aisle?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Sep 30, 2013
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Actually, Race (and Amy too!), "Spiritual Mentor" is probably code for AA/NA/Al Anon sponsor. And it sounds to me like sponsor & her spouse have an open or semi-open marriage, and the pigeon disapproves.
Pigeon, use your words!
I'm sure many people would consider my dance friend a spiritual mentor. She's gone through hours of training to help people figure out their problems through dance, and that can get pretty spiritual for some people. But that doesn't mean that she is a paragon of virtue and she shouldn't have to be. She is not asking people to view her in that way; that some do is their problem.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#13 Sep 30, 2013
I dunno, She says "Dear lifelong friend" That sounds like a relationship that would predate the need for AA mentor, and while I know a person can call their mentor (sponsor?) anytime day or night, I dont think they pal around together. but what do I know, I never joined because I'm no quitter.
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Actually, Race (and Amy too!), "Spiritual Mentor" is probably code for AA/NA/Al Anon sponsor. And it sounds to me like sponsor & her spouse have an open or semi-open marriage, and the pigeon disapproves.
Pigeon, use your words!
Julie

Chicago, IL

#14 Sep 30, 2013
LW1: You may teach high school kids, but you seem to know nothing about them. They won't notice/give a flying F about your hot flashes.
Stop trying to be a drama queen. NO ONE CARES.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#15 Sep 30, 2013
RACE wrote:
I dunno, She says "Dear lifelong friend" That sounds like a relationship that would predate the need for AA mentor, and while I know a person can call their mentor (sponsor?) anytime day or night, I dont think they pal around together. but what do I know, I never joined because I'm no quitter.
<quoted text>
Eh, some do, some don't! In the case of women, I'd say more do (pal around together) than don't, in my circles anyway. My pigeon Suzan was my maid of honor. As for men, I dunno, not being a man -- but those of my acquaintance also tend to hang out together.

Plus, "spiritual mentor" is a common way to refer to one's sponsor when speaking to folks outside the program, either to preserve anonymity or just to avoid long drawn-out explanations that they won't understand anyway!

Anyhow, who says a lifelong friend can't become one's sponsor? Ebby Thacher was Bill Wilson's old schoolmate, after all! My husband's current sponsor J.B. is literally a lifelong friend -- they grew up together. And his first sponsor S.E.(who died New Years Eve of 1989 - didn't quite make it to the new decade!) was also someone he knew since childhood, the guy who owned the corner candy store in the neighborhood where he grew up. S.E. also happened to be a patient at my hospital, and sadly I was (also literally!) the first person to know that he was probably not long for this world. I developed his chest Xray and was the first person to see a big hideous cavitary lesion (cancer) in his left lung. It broke my heart to see it, and was very difficult because I couldn't tell anyone (including S.E. himself!) Breaking that sort of news is the doctor's job, not mine.

Anyhow, just cover your ears and go, "Hey, TMI!" when she starts going on about her Facebook flirtations. How she and her husband handle their marriage is THEIR business.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#16 Oct 1, 2013
Well, there ya have it.
Shows what I know!
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Eh, some do, some don't! In the case of women, I'd say more do (pal around together) than don't, in my circles anyway. My pigeon Suzan was my maid of honor. As for men, I dunno, not being a man -- but those of my acquaintance also tend to hang out together.
Plus, "spiritual mentor" is a common way to refer to one's sponsor when speaking to folks outside the program, either to preserve anonymity or just to avoid long drawn-out explanations that they won't understand anyway!
Anyhow, who says a lifelong friend can't become one's sponsor? Ebby Thacher was Bill Wilson's old schoolmate, after all! My husband's current sponsor J.B. is literally a lifelong friend -- they grew up together. And his first sponsor S.E.(who died New Years Eve of 1989 - didn't quite make it to the new decade!) was also someone he knew since childhood, the guy who owned the corner candy store in the neighborhood where he grew up. S.E. also happened to be a patient at my hospital, and sadly I was (also literally!) the first person to know that he was probably not long for this world. I developed his chest Xray and was the first person to see a big hideous cavitary lesion (cancer) in his left lung. It broke my heart to see it, and was very difficult because I couldn't tell anyone (including S.E. himself!) Breaking that sort of news is the doctor's job, not mine.
Anyhow, just cover your ears and go, "Hey, TMI!" when she starts going on about her Facebook flirtations. How she and her husband handle their marriage is THEIR business.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#17 Oct 1, 2013
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>

Plus, "spiritual mentor" is a common way to refer to one's sponsor when speaking to folks outside the program, either to preserve anonymity or just to avoid long drawn-out explanations that they won't understand anyway!
Why can't you just say "friend"? No one would no the difference. I am just curious.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#18 Oct 1, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
Why can't you just say "friend"? No one would no the difference. I am just curious.
Huh, don't know. Possibly the LW did so as sort of an explanation of why she still wants the FB Flirt in her life!

Years & years ago, pre-recovery, I was in the hospital for something or other and had a roommate who was obviously (now, as I look back on it!) in the program. She did ask me if I were an alcoholic, and I (obviously!) told her I was NOT. She then said, "Oh, well, I am -- and I'm only 19 years old!" I recall she had a lot of visitors, women & men of all ages and all walks of life, not folks I would normally expect to be "friends" with one another or with this 19-year-old kid. I was actually a little curious as to how they all knew each other, but didn't pry (I was also pretty sick & miserable at the time & not up to minding my hospital roommate's business.)

She eventually went home & I guess stayed sober & I went home & resumed drinking for a while longer. But much later after I sobered up it finally dawned on my where all Diana's friends came from!

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#19 Oct 2, 2013
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Huh, don't know. Possibly the LW did so as sort of an explanation of why she still wants the FB Flirt in her life!
Years & years ago, pre-recovery, I was in the hospital for something or other and had a roommate who was obviously (now, as I look back on it!) in the program. She did ask me if I were an alcoholic, and I (obviously!) told her I was NOT. She then said, "Oh, well, I am -- and I'm only 19 years old!" I recall she had a lot of visitors, women & men of all ages and all walks of life, not folks I would normally expect to be "friends" with one another or with this 19-year-old kid. I was actually a little curious as to how they all knew each other, but didn't pry (I was also pretty sick & miserable at the time & not up to minding my hospital roommate's business.)
She eventually went home & I guess stayed sober & I went home & resumed drinking for a while longer. But much later after I sobered up it finally dawned on my where all Diana's friends came from!
THat's actually pretty interesting. I didn't think of that, either, that the program would connect you with people a person might not otherwise end up knowing just because you appear so different. Makes sense.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#20 Oct 2, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
THat's actually pretty interesting. I didn't think of that, either, that the program would connect you with people a person might not otherwise end up knowing just because you appear so different. Makes sense.
Right, and you don't necessarily want to tell casual acquaintances "how you know so-and-so!" Like when S.E. was diagnosed - as I said, I couldn't tell him about the cancer but I did go sit & talk with him in the waiting room for a little bit, and went to visit him once he was admitted (IIRC, he had a pretty bad pneumonia which is why he showed up in the ER to begin with....) If anyone did ask, I just said something like he was my husband's old neighbor & close friend (true as far as that went!) If anyone wondered why his close friend was much, much older than us, I don't recall. That really was a hard thing, having to keep that knowledge to myself till after he was informed, and after that till he chose to tell others.

My job's tough sometimes.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 3 min shinningelectr0n 1,191,801
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 19 min Cold Front 69,127
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 20 min Dale 185,022
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 1 hr Non _cents 5,719
abby03-02-15 2 hr PEllen 6
abby03-03 2 hr PEllen 5
amy 3-3-15 2 hr PEllen 5
Chicago Dating
Find my Match
More from around the web

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]

NFL Latest News

Updated 6:21 am PST

Bleacher Report 6:21AM
Shutdown CB Headlines Bears 2015 Free-Agent Big Board
NFL 6:51 AM
Pat McAfee jokingly begins recruiting Ndamukong Suh
Bleacher Report 8:11 AM
Luck Says Goodbye to the Neckbeard
Bleacher Report 8:57 AM
Colts Punter Trying to Recruit Suh
Bleacher Report 9:47 AM
Insider Buzz: Mutual Interest Between Andre Johnson and Indianapolis Colts