Abby June 22
Posted in the Chicago Forum
Since: Jun 09
#1 Jun 22, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm a lifelong New York resident; my husband is not. So when he had an opportunity to move to Houston to be closer to his only brother, he desperately wanted to move.
My children are grown and on their own, so no problem there. Although leaving my career, my mother and my children to move so far away was difficult for me, my husband doesn't have much of a family, so I knew it was important to him. He never had children, and he wanted to be part of his niece's and nephew's lives. So we moved.
Now we're treated like we don't exist! We're not invited to family events, they never visit us and we're not included during holidays. These are the people who begged us for the last 13 years to move to Texas.
I want to return to New York. He doesn't want to go. I'm afraid if I insist, I'll need to move back alone. Should I risk my marriage over it?-- HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK
DEAR HOMESICK: There is a middle ground between moving back to New York and staying in Texas. One of them is making regular trips to visit your mother, children and friends. Another would be to understand that your husband's family cannot be your sole source of social activity.
You and your husband should join clubs and volunteer your time to some worthy causes. That's the way people meet each other. Texans are known for their hospitality -- so give them a fair chance. But only as a last resort should you sacrifice your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Hank" for five years. He has always been a loner. He has never been married and has no kids. We lived together for four years and our relationship is wonderful other than his "just being him." He's kind of self-centered and not very communicative.
Hank just learned that his mother is terminally ill. He came home from work, told me to pack and move out, gave me five minutes of his time and then left! I packed some clothes and went.
I'm not sure if I should stay away or try to get him to talk this through with me. This is tearing me apart. I know he loves me, but I'm afraid that with what's going on with his mom, he's shutting me out because he can't handle it. I'm the closest person to him, but he is pushing me away. Please give me some advice.-- FEELING VERY ALONE IN MAINE
DEAR VERY ALONE: Whether you should remain involved with Hank depends upon how great your tolerance is for pain. He isn't shutting you out; he gave you one giant kick in the fanny. He also isn't "kind of" self-centered; he's VERY self-centered.
If you're curious about his mother's health, call and ask from time to time. But do not expect to get back together anytime soon. To have ended the relationship with you the way he did was brutal.
DEAR ABBY: I became a widower two years ago and only recently started dating. Although I am in my early 70s, I'm in great physical shape and have all my hair. I am also financially well off and I think I'm reasonably good looking. My concern is, how do I avoid becoming a trophy husband?-- POTENTIAL PRIZE IN FLORIDA
DEAR POTENTIAL PRIZE: That should be easy. Don't reveal your financial status and don't propose.
Since: Jun 09
#2 Jun 22, 2014
LW1 "Now we're treated like we don't exist! We're not invited to family events, they never visit us and we're not included during holidays. These are the people who begged us for the last 13 years to move to Texas."
Have you invited them to your new house?
Have you offered to have Labor Day BBQ, Thanksgiving etc at your house?
Have you called and said you were going to be in the neighborhood and was it convenient to stop by or go out to Denny's for breakfast, etc?
LW2 You lived together for 4 years and he gave you 5 minutes to get out? He may be self centered but you are 6 steps beyond clueless.
You were a roommate with benefits and nothing more.
LW3 Hang around places other than retirement villages, Boca Raton and young singles bars. That should cover both ends of the spectrum.
Oh yeah, don't use the Mercedes on the first couple dates, take teh gold chains off and don't wear Gucci loafers.
#3 Jun 22, 2014
LW1 - Move back to NY and make frequent trips to Texas. So, your hubby doesn't want to move away from his only brother? But this brother is treating him like a stranger, so what's the loss?
And the middle ground between NY and Houston is probably some shyte-hole small town in Tennessee.(Yes, I do understand that Abby didn't mean it literally).
LW2 - So, you were the guy's cook, maid, and booty call for 4 years. It was great aside from the fact that he only talked to you when he needed a beer from the fridge and didn't want to get up from the couch. Then, he kicked you out of the house without warning. And you are wondering if you should wait in the wings until he is ready to whistle for you again. Hmmmm. Yep. You should. It is a very healthy attitude. NOT. Get some therapy and move on. If he calls again, hang up on him. Feel free to swear at him first.
LW3 - That's easy. Don't get married. And don't pay your dates'/GFs' bills.
#4 Jun 23, 2014
LW1: Team PEllen for openers. Also, try to embrace your new surroundings rather than giving in to your homesickness. Think of your time there as an adventure and give yourself 6 months to a year to adjust. Then, after that time has passed, reconsider how you feel about your new home.
LW2: Team Cass and I wonder if he's lying about his mother's health.
LW3: Only date women who have more money than you.
#5 Jun 23, 2014
LW1 has a lot of nerve giving our state a bad name. If you are friendly,
you'll find plenty of friendly people here in the Lone Star state. But
those who are rude, arrogant and high handed are often ignored--until
they learn how to be friendly instead.(And LW1's tone did not sound friendly.)
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