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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Mar 5, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Lizzie," continues to talk to a 14-year-old boy who is very controlling and abusive to her. I made her stop talking to him, took away her cellphone privileges, and tried to show her how wrong he was for her and that she was going to wind up very hurt.

After recently giving her the cellphone back, I learned last night that Lizzie has been talking to him and lying to me about it. He sent her a text that if she didn't answer his call within seven minutes, he was either going to shoot himself or cut himself. He included a picture of his arm with a knife held against it. She thinks that her compliance is all that's standing in the way of this boy killing himself.

I'm scared for her safety, but she won't listen to me because she "loves" him. When I called the boy's mother about it, she became defensive and accused me of implying she was a bad mother. Please tell me how to handle this.-- WORRIED MOM IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WORRIED MOM: It's time to have a nonconfrontational conversation with your daughter about the dynamics of emotional blackmail, because that's exactly what she's experiencing. Your daughter needs to realize that the boy appears to have serious emotional problems and as much as she may love him, she's not equipped to help him or to prevent him from hurting himself if he really wants to.

As long as Lizzie sees herself as a hero who is saving his life by sacrificing hers, he won't get the help he needs. So if she really cares about him -- and I have no doubt she does -- she will end the relationship because it isn't a healthy one for either of them.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Cameron," has a problem. It's his second year in college and he's still a virgin. He gave his heart to a girl in the past, and it left him bitter, emotionally unavailable and, unfortunately, unlaid. He is outspoken, but deep down he lacks confidence.

How can my friends and I help him, and how can he help himself?-- HIS BFF IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BFF: You are well-meaning, but the person asking this question should be your friend Cameron. While the fact that he may be "unlaid" and "unavailable" bothers you and your friends, it's possible that it doesn't bother him.

If and when Cameron does tell you he is troubled by it, advise him to visit the student health center and discuss it with a counselor because there may be complicated reasons for it. He doesn't need help losing his virginity. But he may need help addressing his trust issues or he may always remain emotionally unavailable.

DEAR ABBY: How do you feel about young adults using the F-word in public? My sweetie, a mom of two, insists the word is becoming accepted. I am of the "old school," and I maintain that the word is tasteless and shouldn't be used in public. What do you think?-- KEEPING IT CLEAN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR KEEPING IT CLEAN: I think that, regardless of age, the F-word should not be used in public -- and if it's used in private, it should be reserved only for "special occasions."

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Mar 5, 2014
2- This is what drunk sorority girls are for. Was a senior in college and a guy on our floor was a virgin. My roommate and I tried to get him laid so many times, he just want able to assert himself enough. Dude is probably STILL a virgin

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Mar 5, 2014
2 Dear LW You are the one who needs to grow up. Life is not a movie script and this is not an audition for 22 year old Virgin.

As Abby's mother used to say, MYOB

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Mar 5, 2014
1 Your daughter is not going to listen to you. She needs to hear if from someone she trusts, or a shrink.

2 Are you a chick? You sound like a chick using BFF in the letter. I think you should just give him a pity f**k, or maybe he now realizes he's gay?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Mar 5, 2014
3 Shut the f**k up and mind your own business!

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#6 Mar 5, 2014
LW3: Your "sweetie" is a complete and classless idiot. Good to know she's teaching her kids this, too.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#7 Mar 5, 2014
L3. I think dropping the F bomb makes people look dumb.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#8 Mar 5, 2014
3- I'd like to know what these "special occasions" are to which Abby is referring
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#9 Mar 5, 2014
1: Your daughter has already shown she's not going to listen to you. Good for you for calling the boy's mom but it's too bad she's so defensive. Even good parents have kids who have problems and need help. Too bad she sees your call as an attack on her parenting. I do hope you approached her as a fellow parent whose kids are having difficulties and need help. If you WERE accusatory, you might want to call her back and apologize and simply tell her you're worried about both her son and your daughter and felt she needed a heads up about something going on with her son so she could get help for him. Now, let's get back to you and your daughter. Simply put, parents sometimes need the help of professionals with raising their kids. Find a therapist or licensed social worker who deals with problems of this sort. Your county mental health clinic might help if you don't already know a good therapist. I'd say your daughter may have more going on than this boy who is using emotional blackmail. It may simply be that she's too young to see what he's doing and she's otherwise all right. However, I also worry that she may have a self-esteem problem that may lead her to allow future men in life to abuse her. Certainly, I could be wrong about this but I can see this as being part of the problem or could be a result if this boy actually does do himself harm as she would blame herself. So get to the root of it all now. Don't delay. You may both benefit by seeing the therapist together and alone as you want to develop a relationship of trust so you can work through future problems as well. There WILL be future problems. It's part of being a parent.

2: Leave him alone. Let him decide whether and when he needs help.

3: Personally, my respect for a person goes way down when I hear them using this and similar obscenities. If I were an employer, I'd put this kind of language as a mark against an employee or prospective employee. I certainly wouldn't want someone like this having direct contact with clients because I feel it would hurt my company image.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Mar 5, 2014
The pope just used that word the other day.
loose cannon wrote:
L3. I think dropping the F bomb makes people look dumb.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Mar 5, 2014
How I be talking with my homey's back at my crib aint nuthing for the boss man to be minding about. I know how to keep it clean in the office yo!
Pippa wrote:
3: Personally, my respect for a person goes way down when I hear them using this and similar obscenities. If I were an employer, I'd put this kind of language as a mark against an employee or prospective employee. I certainly wouldn't want someone like this having direct contact with clients because I feel it would hurt my company image.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#13 Mar 5, 2014
RACE wrote:
How I be talking with my homey's back at my crib aint nuthing for the boss man to be minding about. I know how to keep it clean in the office yo!
<quoted text>
Haha!

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#14 Mar 5, 2014
L1: Tell Lizzie to call his bluff.

L2: Being a virgin, in and of itself, isn't a problem. Sounds like Cameron's real problem is that his friend is a nosy busybody.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Mar 5, 2014
LW1: Get a third party involved; perhaps some peer counseling or even a school conselor. She is not going to hear what you say; you are the enemy keeping her away from her love, after all.

Romeo and Juliette were this age.

LW2: If you really cared about this,*you'd* f*ck him.

LW3: OK, stop calling your adult child "my sweetie." It makes you sound as dumb as the people who use f*ck every other word.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Mar 5, 2014
Lw1: Definte problem, but I fail to see how the bf is abusive. He's threatening to abuse himself.

Lw2: if its that big a deal, get him a hooker. Otherwise, you can't fix this problem...unless you're a girl, in which case the solution is obvious

Lw3: define public. Is she screaming it for the world to hear, or using it out in public in private conversations? I have no problem with it in the latter case.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#17 Mar 5, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
LW3: Your "sweetie" is a complete and classless idiot. Good to know she's teaching her kids this, too.
He does not say she uses this language in front of her kids. I cursed like a drunken sailor in HS, but had no problem controlling my tongue around parents and other authority figures. My parents never heard so much as "damn" come outta my mouth till I was in my mid to late 20's. Why would you think this woman can't watch her tongue aroubd her kids?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Mar 5, 2014
Pippa wrote:

f I were an employer, I'd put this kind of language as a mark against an employee or prospective employee. I certainly wouldn't want someone like this having direct contact with clients because I feel it would hurt my company image.
As well you should. Only a fluckin moron would use language like that with a prospective employer.

That being said, every manager I have had over the last 25 years has dropped the f bomb now ans then. Both male and female bosses. But that dies not mean they could not control their tongues if the situation called for it, like meeting vendors, clients, etc

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Mar 5, 2014
squishymama wrote:
LW3: OK, stop calling your adult child "my sweetie." It makes you sound as dumb as the people who use f*ck every other word.
Adult child? I think he's talking bout his single mom girlfriend.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#20 Mar 5, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Adult child? I think he's talking bout his single mom girlfriend.
Ooops!

But my point is still valid. He sounds so dumb he confused me!

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#21 Mar 5, 2014
She is saying it often enough that she has to defend it by saying its becoming "mainstream". To assume she says it in front of her kids is not a stretch.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>He does not say she uses this language in front of her kids. I cursed like a drunken sailor in HS, but had no problem controlling my tongue around parents and other authority figures. My parents never heard so much as "damn" come outta my mouth till I was in my mid to late 20's. Why would you think this woman can't watch her tongue aroubd her kids?

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