“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Feb 1, 2014
DEAR ABBY: Why is a wedding always about the bride? Why is the groom often ignored and the occasion not about both of them? I find this offensive as a man who, by tradition, is supposed to "take care of her," but is ignored as a partner in the relationship.

The whole deal about the day being about the bride is sexist, as far as I'm concerned. Television shows like "Bridezillas" make men look like idiots who have no value in a marriage. What are your thoughts?-- MAN WHO MATTERS IN FLORIDA

DEAR MAN WHO MATTERS: These shows you refer to depend on shock value to attract and sustain an audience, and some of the goings-on that are portrayed are so far-out as to be freakish. Please don't mistake reality TV for reality because nothing could be further from the truth.

Much has changed regarding marriage customs in the last decades. Traditionally, weddings were paid for by the parents of the bride. There was little monetary input from the groom's family, and they did not expect to assist in the planning of the event. Today, however, many couples postpone marriage until they are older and financially independent. They pay for their own weddings and plan them as partners.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school who is already taking college classes. I have told my mom I plan to become a special education teacher. I have been an aide in the special ed class for three years now, and I love it.

My mother and grandmother are not supportive. They keep trying to talk me out of going to college to do what I love. They say I should be a nurse, so I can earn better money, and they tell me I won't be able to find a job if I become a special ed teacher. What should I do when they keep bringing this up?-- THINKING ABOUT MY FUTURE

DEAR THINKING: Let me first tell you what not to do. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into an argument over this. As much as you are thinking about your future, so are your mother and grandmother.

Because you are taking college classes, talk with a counselor at the school about the kinds of job openings there are for special education teachers. Visit the library and do some research. Both would be intelligent ways to get a glimpse of what will be in store for you if you choose to go into that field.

DEAR ABBY: I have kids who play sports. As I sit in the stands and watch the games, I am disgusted by the negative attitudes and bad-mouthing I hear coming from the parents in the crowds.

How do parents teach good sportsmanship and compassion when the adults they see around them behave worse than the kids? As hard as I try, I can't understand how grown adults can yell or call kids names at a sports event and expect these same kids to grow up with morals and values.-- SPORTS MOM IN MOUNTAIN TOP, PA.

DEAR SPORTS MOM: Positive reinforcement usually works better than name-calling and belittling. Kids are like sponges. They imitate the behavior they see the adults around them exhibit. Effective parents teach their children by modeling behavior they want to encourage in their children.(No one ever said this is always easy!)

The parents you describe may be trying to relive their youth vicariously through their children. Many times, it's not possible for the children to do as well as -- or better than -- the parents, and the result is the children end up disliking the sport.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#2 Feb 1, 2014
L3. Bingo

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#3 Feb 1, 2014
1- a wedding is always about the bride. Little girls dream of their wedding day about the same time they play with Barbie and ponies. Dudes don't give a sht. For them, a wedding is a time to get together with friends they haven't seen in a while and get blasted. LW, try growing a pnis out of that vay gina of yours.

2- Think financially. You want to be an occasionally unemployed sped teacher earning 25k a year? Or an always in demand nurse earning upwards of 50k?

3- Personally: I have a friend who coaches little league baseball. Went to many games. I dated a girl who's kid was in soccer, and went to many games. As a kid, I was in soccer myself, played in many games.

All that said:... I have NEVER witnessed any of the behavior the lw is describing. I don't believe it happens. I think these letters are fake to promote the "anti-bullying" campaign, which isn't even a real problem, just more made-up stuff like global warming in an effort for complete government control. Please stop drinking the cool-aid.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Feb 1, 2014
1. A "fairy tale wedding" is an extension of the Disney Princess mindset. If the LW is a groom and doesn't like the way things are going he exercised poor judgement in asking this particular woman to marry him. s I will bet that Bridezilla's never, ever participate in the conversations that lead to an agreement to marry.

3. Do both. I was once acquainted with a woman who had a bachelors degree in occupational therapy, a masters in Special Ed. She was working as a union construction worker and tutoring special ed kids weekends and when construction gigs weren't available.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Feb 1, 2014
Got the numbers wrong. Sorry.

My husband is a soccer referee for kids up through high school. He has the power to and has occasionally barred people including parents from the games for bad behavior.

From the time he was a coach and I was a mom in the stands, I am aware that the supervising body (AYSO or the Park Districts etc) take this sort of thing seriously.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Feb 1, 2014
L1: Your wedding will be what you make it. Abby should have stopped at "Please don't mistake reality TV for reality because nothing could be further from the truth".

L2: Your parents are worried about your choice but remember -- it is your choice. If you really want it, go for it. I have a relative that could have gone on to anything she wanted. She was very book smart, valedictorian and loved school, Had scholarship offers up the wazoo. She decided to be a high school math teacher. Another relative has been going to school forever. Loves school. At 28 he's finally decided to teach. Some people love school and, while that would not describe me, they don't want to leave that environment.

L3: Edog, it absolutely happens. Not all parents but many parents. Many parents are not like that. The culture and people have a lot to do with how the parents behave. If the culture for a team or school is that they don't tolerate that and other parents would speak up and think ill of them, people wouldn't do it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#7 Feb 1, 2014
Toj wrote:
L3: Edog, it absolutely happens.
Never experienced it once in my 30 + odd years of life. It doesn't happen. Maybe there's an isolated incident once here or there, but normally, it's not a problem.

You're barking up a tree.... that doesn't exist.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#8 Feb 1, 2014
Team TOJ for the triple crown win on all three.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#9 Feb 1, 2014
LW1: In India, the wedding is all about the groom.(Somebody had to post that.)

Some grooms are more involved - my friend who recently married was quite involved in the planning. He's a musician and sang a special song to his bride @ the altar. As is most things in life, you don't have to do follow anyone else's formula. But edog is right about how a lot of guys feel about the wedding.

LW2: Go to college and get all of your required classes out of the way. While you are there, keep you mind open to the myriad career possibilities. Your career may evolve in an unexpected way. Do not discuss your career plans with your family as though they are inflexible. You don't need to be drawn into futile arguments.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#10 Feb 1, 2014
LW1- I love my marriage, hated my wedding. It was all about my husband, thanks to my MIL. I tell my husband at least once every other month that we are never getting divorced because I am not going through another wedding again.

LW3 - Edog, when you played sports, you were not sitting in the bleachers. You don't currently have a child/ward playing. You have no clue. Parents must now sign codes of conduct at the beginning of the season because they had gotten so out of control. Little league fields around the country have the following poem hanging at the entrance:

He's Just a Boy

He stands at the plate
with his heart pounding fast.
The bases are loaded,
the die has been cast.
Mom and Dad cannot help him,
he stands all alone.
A hit at this moment
would send his team home.
The ball meets the plate,
he swings and he misses.
There's a groan from the crowd,
with some boos and some hisses.
A thoughtless voice cries,
"Strike out the bum."
Tears fill his eyes,
the game's no longer fun.
So open up your heart
and give him a break,
for it's moments like this,
a man you can make.
Please keep this in mind
when you hear someone forget,
He is just a little boy,
and not a man yet.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#11 Feb 1, 2014
LW1: Stop pretending this is a "philosophical" issue, when you obviously have a problem with your very own Bridezilla/Wifezilla. FFS, talk to *her,* you spineless moron, not a worthless columnist.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#12 Feb 2, 2014
RN with a bachelor's degree make a median salary of $65K a year, often work 12-hour shifts about 3 or 4 days a week or work regular 8/9-5 shifts in doctor's offices, and may or may not have 2 weeks' paid vacation. According to the U.S Dept. of Labor, the job growth prospects are about 19%.

Special Ed. teachers with a BA/BS and a credential make a median salary of $55K a year, work at schools on regular school schedules: most likely about 7:30 to 3:30 5 days a week 10 months a year. No weekend work. The job growth prospects are about 6%.

Soo, if you go for an nursing degree, you won't always be home for dinner, and if you have kids, you may not be able to see them off to school every day. You may or may not be with them on weekends, but you are likely to make about 10K more per year. Some of that 10K will be eaten up by child care if you have kids.

If you go for a Special Ed. degree, you'll be home for dinner every day, you'll be able to take your kids to school and often pick them up from school without additional after-school care expenses when they are young. You'll be spending your weekends and vacations with them, so you may have fewer child care expenses.

One thing to keep in mind, however: as an SE teacher, you'd probably be starting at about 30K per year, but as an RN, at 45-50K a year, so there is a definite salary advantage.

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