Abby 8-19-13

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Aug 19, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My husband lost his job more than a year ago because his plant closed. He was almost retirement age, so he took an early retirement. The problem is he isn't adjusting well to the change.

He has his hobbies, but he seems to have lost interest in them. He is angry a lot of the time and lost at other times. I understand it's a huge adjustment for him, but I'm concerned that it has been going on too long. I have tried to get him interested in things, but he doesn't take my suggestions well anymore. He thinks I want him out of my hair, but it's not true. I want him to be happy.

I know he's depressed but he denies it. When other people ask how he likes retirement, he says he loves it. I think he feels silly for not enjoying it. He doesn't want to spend money for counseling, even though he knows he can get the fee adjusted according to our income.

I'm at a loss about what to do to help him. He reads your column regularly, and I think he would take seriously any advice you could offer.-- CONCERNED WIFE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CONCERNED WIFE: Retirement is not for everyone, and not everybody "loves it." That's why it's so important that before a person retires, he or she have a plan in place for staying mentally and physically active.

Your husband may have valuable skills he could pass on by mentoring others. He could volunteer in the community, delivering meals to shut-ins, coaching youngsters' sports, help out at the police department or a hospital. All he needs to do is go to his computer and type in "volunteer opportunities in Michigan" to find plenty of opportunities. He can donate as little or as much time as he wants. But first, he will have to admit that he isn't loving retirement and needs an outlet. Please make sure he sees this column.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 12, and for the last five months my family hasn't been getting along. We act like we love each other, but I'm not so sure. My mom and dad have been fighting. I saw something Mom left on our computer she had been looking at, and the title was "How to Let Go of Emotions During the Divorce Process." I don't know if my parents are getting a divorce or not, but it's slowly tearing my family apart, and I don't know what to do. What can I do to prevent it?-- CONFUSED PRE-TEEN

DEAR CONFUSED: Tell your mother you saw the article she left on the computer, and ask her if she and your dad are separating. If the answer is yes, tell her you hope they're getting counseling.

It is important you understand that while they both love you, they have reached a point where their relationship may no longer be working. Much as you might like to, there is nothing you can "do" to head this off because their problem has only to do with them and not you.

DEAR ABBY: I was just wondering why when men drink and get drunk, they always talk about themselves.-- HEATHER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR HEATHER: They may do it because the alcohol allows them to loosen up and open up. Or, because they think the subject is fascinating, and you are a willing listener.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#2 Aug 19, 2013
LW1: He should try to get a part-time job or something. Extra "fun money" and a reason to get up. Hobbies are fine, btu a lto of people (myself included) need to have a set time/place to do something in order to accomplish anything.

My Dad (who will be 86 in a week) has NEVER. STOPPED. since he retired. He's almost never home. Always out doing repairs to the church, helping people out, fixing things at people's houses (a lot of times mine, YAY!). Keeping busy is what keeps him going - he'd die before he'd sit around (and I've seen him get up and go after major health issues/surgery). And no one EVER believes how old he is!

LW's hubby needs to get an organized "purpose". He sounds depressed and taking the first step can make all the difference.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#3 Aug 19, 2013
LW1: You didn't even give him a fake "name", how's he supposed to know this was for him?

LW2: Once again, someone talking to Abby when they so clearly should be talking to someone else...

I'll give them a pass this time since they are only 12.

Please, please, please talk to your mom.

LW3: I have not noticed this; maybe it's you.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Aug 19, 2013
L1: Time to go on vacation. Doesn't have to be expensive, only something that you both enjoy. In a relaxed atmosphere maybe you both can talk about what you'd like to do in the near future and that will spark something.

L2: First of all, I wish Abby not only told her there's not much she can do but that nothing is her fault. It's not a family problem, b/c everyone does love each other -- it's a personal problem between her mother and father. Then I'd tell her to go talk to her mom about it.

L3: Really? This is your burning question? I've seen the same behavior in women. Drunk is drunk. Why explain a drunk?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Aug 19, 2013
LW1: Suggest that he do something part-time or volunteer, if he is so unhappy. That doesn’t require therapy.

LW3: Get naked and they will shut up about themselves.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Aug 19, 2013
1 He need a hobby like drinking. Takes all day to do, but the rewards are worth it.

2 I got nuthing.

3 Your the same person who asks them why the never talk about themselves when their sober.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#7 Aug 19, 2013
Oh, and LW1 If he took an early retirement, he did not really loose his job, so tell him to get over it.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#8 Aug 19, 2013
1: PT job. I can't believe he'd rather stay miserable and whine and lie then just freaking fix the problem. Sorry, but you have control over some things and life is too short to be miserable when you're nearing the end of it.

2: Welcome to life, kiddo.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Aug 19, 2013
L1: Good advice. My dad volunteered once a week installing and repairing phones for disabled people. but mostly, he went to the riverboat casinos and visited elderly relatives.

L2: Aw, poor kid. But don't think the worst -- your mom could have found that article for someone else (sister, friend, etc.). You need to talk to them.

L3: all men don't always do anything. Way to generalize.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#10 Aug 19, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW2: Once again, someone talking to Abby when they so clearly should be talking to someone else...
I'll give them a pass this time since they are only 12.
Please, please, please talk to your mom.
Hmmmm...I went to work this morning and left an article open on the computer about a guy not liking his early retirement! Guess if my family found it they should jump to the conclusion that I'm planning early retirement?(LOL, I wish!)

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Aug 19, 2013
and I had an article about how to tell if you have a drinking problem...

Some peeps just jump to conclusions dont they?
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Hmmmm...I went to work this morning and left an article open on the computer about a guy not liking his early retirement! Guess if my family found it they should jump to the conclusion that I'm planning early retirement?(LOL, I wish!)

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