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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Feb 19, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors' social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay -- one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were "different," they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase "when in Rome," I don't feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in?-- UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

DEAR UNHAPPY: I sure would. The first thing I'd like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person's sexual orientation isn't a "lifestyle choice." Gay people don't choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can't change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

I find it interesting that you are unwilling to reciprocate the hospitality of people who welcomed you and opened their homes to you, and yet you complain because you are receiving similar treatment.

From where I sit, you may have chosen the wrong place to live because it appears you would be happier in a less integrated neighborhood surrounded by people who think the way you do. But if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth, which is what you have been offered here. Please don't blow it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and in high school. My father died in a car accident when I was 8. A man who attends my church took me under his wing and has been like a father to me ever since. He is very supportive most of the time. However, he spanks me with a belt when he feels I misbehave.

My mom doesn't know about it because she works long hours to support the family. I like the nurturing and encouragement this man gives me, but I can't take another beating. What should I do?-- BLUE IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR BLUE: What you are describing is a form of child abuse. This "nurturing" man has no right to hit you. You shouldn't have to tolerate being beaten in order to feel supported.

Tell your mother what has been going on, or a teacher or a counselor at your school. You appear to be an intelligent young man. Your silence is what enables those beatings to continue, so please do not remain silent about this any longer.

DEAR ABBY: If you are divorced from your wife, do her parents remain your in-laws? This is to settle a disagreement.-- SHARON IN TEXAS

DEAR SHARON: Legally, no. But relationships are not always based on legality. Sometimes divorced couples remain extended family members, particularly if there are children involved.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Feb 19, 2014
1- It IS a lifestyle choice. You CHOOSE to live with another man, you CHOOSE to bend over for him. There is nothing bigoted or homophobic about not agreeing with an unnatural relationship.

2- I was spanked as a child and as a result I suffer from a psychological condition called "respect for others!"

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Feb 19, 2014
1 dog & cunzel, the retirement years...

2 Icky, Mentors do not beat.

3 Get a life.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#4 Feb 19, 2014
LW1 - You've excluded some neighbors from your socializing because you don't approve of their "lifestyle choices." So, in return, the rest of the neighbors have excluded you because they don't approve of yours. You are even.

LW2 - Tell your mother ASAP. While I don't think that swatting your 3yo on the butt with an open hand once or twice on very, very rare occasions of extremely egregious misbehavior does not equal child abuse, spanking with a belt is not spanking. It's beating, and it is abuse. And at 14, you are way too old to be spanked in any shape or form. This man is abusive.

LW3 - Do you ever have any kind of a legal relationship with the parents of your spouse? In other words, does being married to somebody create any legal obligation on the part of his/her parents to you, or on your part to them? I don't think so, but I am not a lawyer. Can anyone with expertise in family law clarify that?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Feb 19, 2014
And I also find this ironic, "if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth."

Isn't that what liberals do? If you don't think like them, they want nothing to do with you. That road goes both ways, you know.

Since: Jan 14

Location hidden

#6 Feb 19, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
And I also find this ironic, "if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth."
Isn't that what liberals do? If you don't think like them, they want nothing to do with you. That road goes both ways, you know.
You are so filled with stupid, you must weigh 500 lbs.
Renee J

Stafford, VA

#7 Feb 19, 2014
LW2- Why would a man give a child not related to him spankings? If he was concerned about the kid's behavior, talk to the mother. The whole secrecy aspect makes me suspect the man is getting off on it. I bet his computer if full of child porn. That kid needs to stay away from him and tell his mother.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Feb 19, 2014
LW1: What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. The taste of your own medicine is bitter, isnít it?

LW2: Iíd tell your mom.

I was spanked with a belt Ö I donít equate it to abuse, but I also donít think itís the best way to discipline. I also donít think someone who is not a parent has the right to ever lay hands on a child.

It's also very odd and suspect that he has never mentioned it to the mother ... if I were watching a child and she/he was misbehaving to that extent that I felt something more than a timeout were called for, I would certainly say something to the child's parent about the behavior.

LW3: No.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Feb 19, 2014
1. Sexual preference is not a choice. Outward public behavior, like living with someone of the same sex or excluding people of color is a lifestyle choice.Substitute the word Jewish for gay and see how your letter reads. Then ask yourself again whether you are a bigot.

In the neighborhood's eyes you won't recover from this. Move.

2. Abby assumes this is a boy. I didn't.The letter doesn't say. I think this is sexual grooming.

Yes. Tel your Mom. or the next time punch him where it hurts and when people ask make it public.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#10 Feb 19, 2014
greenwichvillage wrote:
<quoted text>
You are so filled with stupid, you must weigh 500 lbs.
Nope. 165, checked this morning.
blunt advice

New York, NY

#11 Feb 19, 2014
1. You made your bed now lay in it. Join a super conservative church where you can make friends who think like you.
2. Tell your mother or an adult you can trust and go to the police together.
3. Technically they are you ex in laws but if you are still on friendly terms that is good.

Since: Oct 09

Eagle Butte, SD

#12 Feb 19, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
And I also find this ironic, "if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth."
Isn't that what liberals do? If you don't think like them, they want nothing to do with you. That road goes both ways, you know.
Nope, not this one and not most others I know. We live in a very conservative area in a conservative state, so we're surrounded by, interact with, and are friends with, many who do not "think like us."

Since: Oct 09

Eagle Butte, SD

#13 Feb 19, 2014
Renee J wrote:
LW2- Why would a man give a child not related to him spankings? If he was concerned about the kid's behavior, talk to the mother. The whole secrecy aspect makes me suspect the man is getting off on it. I bet his computer if full of child porn. That kid needs to stay away from him and tell his mother.
That was one of my first thoughts, too, the hair on the back of my head went up when I read it. Amy completely missed the possibility of sexual grooming here, which is surprising considering that she tends to consider almost everything else a form of, or possibility of, "abuse." Predators often look for families like this, either divorced or widowed parent whose energy mostly has to go into supporting the family and who are grateful for what they see as help and mentoring.

I raised my son mostly as a single mother, and I was very, very careful about that kind of thing. And women can be predators, too; I've seen situations where they will especially look for a widowed father.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#14 Feb 19, 2014
Bigot: Oh, I don't care if you're gay. As long as you don't announce it! Your sexuality isn't anyone's business....blah, blah, blah, fishcakes......

Me: Oh, OK. Hey, does your wife/husband feel the same way?

Bigot: Yes/no/dunno/whatev.....

Me: Aha!

Since: Oct 09

Eagle Butte, SD

#15 Feb 19, 2014
LW1, you are a real hateful piece of work. Go move back to Pleasantville and stick your heads back in the sand. Oh, wait, that's right-Pleasantville doesn't actually exist and you're in the real world now. Sucks to not be able to practice your hatred and bigotry without being called on it, doesn't it?

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#16 Feb 19, 2014
PEllen wrote:
2. Abby assumes this is a boy. I didn't.The letter doesn't say. I think this is sexual grooming.
.
Abby presumably has info that we don't - like a first name! Still sexual grooming no matter what gender the kid is.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#17 Feb 19, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
1. You made your bed now lay in it. Join a super conservative church where you can make friends who think like you.
or the klan

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#18 Feb 19, 2014
L1: Agree with everyone but edog. Kettle, meet pot.

L2: Grooming is what I immediately thought. 14 and getting spanked? Everything secret? Single parent? Flags all around.

L3: Great if you can stay friends to be "honorary" in-laws. Doesn't happen in most cases. It's a difficult thing to do for most people.
blunt advice

New York, NY

#19 Feb 19, 2014
People like lw1 seem to have this impression that same sex couples lives are entirely based on gay sex. Where in reality it is a small part of their lives. Just like husband's and wives the year shop for furniture, go on vacations, out to eat, watch tv.......just like anyone else. And they don't have the hots for every same sex person they see.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#20 Feb 19, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
People like lw1 seem to have this impression that same sex couples lives are entirely based on gay sex. Where in reality it is a small part of their lives. Just like husband's and wives the year shop for furniture, go on vacations, out to eat, watch tv.......just like anyone else. And they don't have the hots for every same sex person they see.
EXACTLY!!!
It's not about "what you do in the bedroom"! What -- if anything -- you do in the bedroom really IS private. But who you're sharing your life WITH is generally pretty public!

Almost every day when Ellen comes on I get the joy of listening to some twit in my waiting room start in with the "Why do they have to tell us they're gay -- who cares --sexuality should be private -- blah blah blah etc...." routine.

Sure, Buddy (or Lady). How'd you like having to hide who YOUR wife or husband is?

And amazingly, every once in a while someone's eyes light up and they GET it.

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