First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Sep 23, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter was murdered by her boyfriend. They had an 18-month-old daughter, "Bella." All three were living together when he shot her, but we don't know what room Bella was in when it happened.

Another family member (I'll call her Lucy) took Bella into her home, and Bella calls her Mom. Lucy has been taking Bella to the prison to visit her father, but has told her he is her uncle. I told Lucy I thought it would be better to wait until Bella is old enough to understand, then tell her what happened and let her decide whether she wants to visit her father.

Bella went into the closet one day and came out holding a T-shirt with her mother's picture on it, asking, "Who is this?" Lucy's only response was, "You know you aren't allowed in my closet. Take that back!" She never answered the question.

I have a framed photo of Bella's mother on my wall. The last time Bella was here, I noticed her looking out of the corner of her eye and scowling at the picture. I was the only one who noticed.

Bella is now 4, and I can't accept that Lucy thinks it's OK to lie to her. I feel it should be Bella's decision whether to visit her dad. Am I wrong? How should this be handled so Bella isn't traumatized any more than need be? Because of these incidents, I'm almost convinced she should have some kind of counseling, but perhaps she's too young. This is why I desperately need advice, in the best interest of the child.-- BELLA'S GREAT-GRANDMA
DEAR GREAT-GRANDMA: Is Lucy a member of your family or the murderous boyfriend's? I find it hard to comprehend that a family member of the victim would drag a toddler to a prison to visit the lowlife who killed her mother.

I do not think it is healthy to lie to children. This situation will explode when Bella finally learns that the woman she has always called "Mom" isn't her mother, and the man in the orange jumpsuit not only isn't her uncle but killed her birth mother. That poor girl won't know whom she can believe and could have trust issues that affect her relationships for the rest of her life. Does she need counseling now? No. But will she when she finds out about the deception? You bet!

DEAR ABBY: What is your opinion about females and car maintenance? My mother raised me alone and taught me to be independent. She would not let me drive an automatic car until I had mastered driving a standard (stick shift). I was also not allowed to drive until I was able to perform basic, essential tasks -- changing a tire, checking the oil and maintaining all fluid levels.

I am thankful and appreciate that I have these skills. However, I know many women today who can't perform these tasks and would rather make it a "man's job." I think every woman should have these skills. Where do you stand?-- INDEPENDENT LADY IN FLORIDA

DEAR INDEPENDENT LADY: I stand beside you. There is no guarantee that a woman will have a man to "take care" of her -- in fact, the opposite is more likely to be true. However, if she can't learn the basics of taking care of her car, she should be sure that she's a member of AAA.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#2 Sep 23, 2013
LW1: What an ugly situation. I, too, wondered whether Lucy was from the murderer's side of the family. Does Lucy have legal custody? If not, acn LW take in Bella? Sounds like that kid is going to have some serious issues.

LW2: Duh. Stupid letter. Yes, everyone should know how to function themselves as much as they can in any way they can. Did you really need to ask that?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Sep 23, 2013
1 Where the hello is the dept if children's services? Something is definitely wrong here.

2 Cell phone and AAA Why bust a nail?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Sep 23, 2013
1.How many things are wrong with this picture?
A. The dead mom isn't given a name.
B. The LW's daughter, aka Bella's grandmother is not mentioned at all
C. While the LW may be too old to take on a 4 year old to raise, she sounds curiously passive
D. The only male mentioned in the letter is teh one in jail.
E. How long is dad going to be in jail for? If he gets out in another say, 4 years and assuming he will get custody of his daughter then it is important he have a relationship with her
F Family Services won't get involved just because the foster mom/guardian misrepresents family relationships. It is not unusual for people to grow up and find out that the person who they thought wa a sister was really their mom.Family Services would be worried if Bella was being beaten or something more than being taken to a jail.
G Taking a little kid to jail visiting days is not in and of itself bad.

H Even if Lucy is not part of the dad's family, my money is on the notion that Lucy thinks the unnamed dead mom was complicit in her own death.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Sep 23, 2013
LW1: I think counseling would be a good idea and a good way to figure out the best way to go about it. I donít think Abby is qualified to know, either. You kind of need a bit of expertise.

I donít know why she is taking the child to see that guy in prison, however.

LW2: Thatís great, but not every woman is a lesbian.:p

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Sep 23, 2013
L1: I feel so sorry for Bella.

L2: What do you care if some female can't do those things? I can, yes. I believe a lot of females can and I also believe some males cannot. I think if you're going to own a car know some things about it; however, I really don't care if the person next door has any knowledge. It doesn't change my life nor hurt anyone else.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Sep 23, 2013
LW1: You are under no obligation to lie for this woman. You see the girl looking at the picture, tell her the truth.

But the weirdness in the whole thing is probably going to create on effed up teenager.

LW2: Your superior attidude makes me want to tell you to put your dipstick somewhere incredibly uncomfortable.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Sep 23, 2013
HA!

LW2: Thatís great, but not every woman is a lesbian.:p

LW2: Your superior attidude makes me want to tell you to put your dipstick somewhere incredibly uncomfortable.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#9 Sep 23, 2013
L1: I don't even know where to start.

L2: You just wanted to brag that you can do all these "man's job" tasks yourself. Congrats, here's your sticker.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#10 Sep 23, 2013
Hope LW1 is a fake letter, based on a movie or soap opera.

Don't like LW2.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 Sep 23, 2013
Lw1: so she's trying to erase any memory of the mother's existence but build a relationship with the father. Gotta be the father's sister. Kid's got a shitty road ahead.

Lw2: There's no guarantee that every guy a girl gets together with is going to be a car guy able to handle that stuff either.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#12 Sep 23, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L2: You just wanted to brag that you can do all these "man's job" tasks yourself. Congrats, here's your sticker.
This. And where in the world does this LW live and what does she drive that she is the only one who can do all those basic car-related things and that she, actually, needs to do them? For example, how old is her car that she, actually, needs to check the oil? Why not just get the oil changed every 5-10K (depending on the vehicle and the oil)? Or am I displaying my total dependent womanness by this question?

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#13 Sep 23, 2013
Cass wrote:
<quoted text>
This. And where in the world does this LW live and what does she drive that she is the only one who can do all those basic car-related things and that she, actually, needs to do them? For example, how old is her car that she, actually, needs to check the oil? Why not just get the oil changed every 5-10K (depending on the vehicle and the oil)? Or am I displaying my total dependent womanness by this question?
I never check the oil. I know how, but why bother? A dashboard light will tell me if it's low, otherwise I just get it changed on schedule.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#14 Sep 23, 2013
LW1: Bella will certainly be horrified and traumatized when the truth comes out, and I guarantee you that the truth will come out. Somebody needs to talk to Lucy about Bellaís best interests; preferably a trained counselor or someone outside of the family. This poor child is going to need all of the help she can get. I donít think it is a great idea to take a child to a prison to visit her motherís murderer, in spite of the fact that he is also her sperm donor. Hopefully, he will be rotting there for the foreseeable future.(I was also thinking that Lucy must be a family member of the murderer, not the mother. I wonder why none of her motherís relatives stepped up, if that is the case.)
My friendís nephew grew up thinking that his grandmother was his mother and his mother, aunts, and uncles were his siblings. His cousin told him the truth when he was 12, and he has had issues since then. LWís granddaughter is in for a really hard time.(I wonder how OJ Simpsonís kids are doing?)
LW2: I canít drive a stick shift and I have never changed a tire, although I understand the technique. I can easily check fluid levels, although I agree with Cass that if you maintain your car regularly, your fluids are unlikely to drop below critical levels. The most important things about driving, IMHO, involve courtesy and attention to the road.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#15 Sep 23, 2013
No, the most important things are to be first, and use your horn at the other drivers in your way.
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: The most important things about driving, IMHO, involve courtesy and attention to the road.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#16 Sep 23, 2013
RACE wrote:
No, the most important things are to be first, and use your horn at the other drivers in your way.
<quoted text>
Dear ClaraBelle ( someone will explain the reference, no doubt)

Spoken like a guy with a lot of experience honking off...so to speak.

Interesting to hear that it is important to you that you be first. A close personal friend was wont to say, under certain circumstances, that nice guys always finish last.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#17 Sep 23, 2013
When driving, the only time your last is when you catch up with the cars ahead of you at the light because at the last light, you were first.
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Dear ClaraBelle ( someone will explain the reference, no doubt)
Spoken like a guy with a lot of experience honking off...so to speak.
Interesting to hear that it is important to you that you be first. A close personal friend was wont to say, under certain circumstances, that nice guys always finish last.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#18 Sep 23, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I never check the oil. I know how, but why bother? A dashboard light will tell me if it's low, otherwise I just get it changed on schedule.
Same here.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Sep 23, 2013
RACE wrote:
No, the most important things are to be first, and use your horn at the other drivers in your way.
<quoted text>
And never allow some jackass to pass you from the slow lane.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#20 Sep 23, 2013
1: Definitely murderer's sister....and a gross one at that--see about a new family member. Her actions are repugnant.

2: I know how to do it....but if I have a guy who can do it--pshaw.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 4 min mdbuilder 1,621,229
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 2 hr loose cannon 242,806
Why can 2 Black Reps. get media protection & Wh... 2 hr Earl 3
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 2 hr SweLL GirL 11,447
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 5 hr Can t Have It Bot... 64,007
Benghazi, the REAL story. 8 hr test 17
The Party of Racism. 9 hr KKK r DEMS 65

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages