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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#1
Apr 14, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for six years. She moved into my house, and we shared a bedroom for five years. She has always been a religious Catholic who struggled with her belief that sex outside of wedlock is a sin.

She has always wanted to be a mom, and I have no desire to be a parent. She consulted a priest, and he advised her to stop sleeping with me unless we get married in the church. She moved out of the bedroom a year ago. I don’t believe we were “living in sin,” and I am hurt that she chose to reject me.

I have been divorced for 15 years, but she wants me to get an annulment and then marry her in order to resume our sexual relationship. If I marry her, she loses her alimony. I don’t think I can afford to support her and don’t want to get married again anyway.

I gave her plenty of notice that if she continued to reject me, I would start dating again. I have been on a few casual dates, but she now blames me for “cheating” and ruining our relationship. I think she’s the one that broke the bond. I still like her, and she still lives in my house, but in order to keep the peace, I feel I have to sneak around to pursue my romantic desires. She “cut me off,” but am I cheating? Am I selfish to want love without marriage?-- No Marriage in N.J.

DEAR MR. NO: I don’t relish being the person to tell you this, but you two seem to have broken up.

Let’s recap: She wants marriage and you don’t. She wants children and you don’t. You want sex outside of marriage and she doesn’t. And now you are dating other people.

Your girlfriend pulled a switcheroo on you after several years of being together. There is no point in blaming her for this, but please give her the benefit of your complete honesty and tell her that you have broken up with her. Given the circumstances, it is more than awkward for her to be living in your house. She needs to find another place to live.

DEAR AMY: We have otherwise terrific relatives who insist on imposing their inane and arcane religious beliefs on everyone they invite over for dinner. They’ll say:“You’ve got to pray before we’ll give you any food.”

Since we have a devout belief in not talking to ourselves — particularly in public — we find this extremely offensive.

What’s the best way to handle the situation, short of excommunicating the relatives from our lives?-- Sane Relatives

DEAR RELATIVES: Are you so peckish and intolerant that you can’t sit quietly and wait while other people pray in their own home?

I find it hard to imagine that your relatives could actually force you to pray out loud (I assume they do expect you to listen to them pray before serving the food).

I hope that because they are otherwise terrific, you could somehow manage to be kind enough to tolerate their expression of their own religious beliefs. It may be too late for that, however, because according to you their choice to pray in their own home at their own table is highly offensive.(I assume that these relatives praying aloud at your home before a meal is even more offensive.)

If your relatives are as intolerant and disrespectful as you are, you are going to have a problem sharing any meal with them, anywhere.

DEAR AMY:“Mitzvah Mom” was frustrated because some of the invited guests to her son’s bar mitzvah said they couldn’t make it to the religious portion but would go to the dinner celebration.

I think you’re going to hear from a lot of Jewish mothers (like me) who have a real problem with your answer. Just because you quoted a rabbi doesn’t make your answer correct.-- Upset

DEAR UPSET: I’m sure this subject is debatable, but I loved Rabbi Peretz Wolf-Prusan’s suggestion to approach this with an open and hospitable heart and spirit.
Cass

Upland, CA

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#2
Apr 14, 2013
 

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LW1 - Time for you to break up. You each want vastly different things from life.

LW2 - Do your relatives insist on you praying with them? If no, let them pray. You are not going to starve for an additional 5 minutes. If yes, make a deal with them: you will sit silently and wait to pick up your fork while they pray, but you won't pray. You'll respect their right to hold "inane and arcane" beliefs (without saying those extremely judgmental and snooty words, please), and they will respect your right not to share them. Otherwise, you'll have to pass on the meals together.
Cass

Upland, CA

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#3
Apr 14, 2013
 
LW3 - I'd like to know why the guest couldn't make it to the religious part of the ceremony. If they just thought it was boring, I can see LW3's point. If they had an important scheduling conflict, I'd be more understanding.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#4
Apr 14, 2013
 

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All of these people are jerks today.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#5
Apr 14, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
They’ll say:“You’ve got to pray before we’ll give you any food.”

I find it hard to imagine that your relatives could actually force you to pray out loud
Silly Amy, that's EXACTLY what the religious relatives are doing! Didn't you read the letter?

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

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#6
Apr 14, 2013
 

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Jess in NJ wrote:
All of these people are jerks today.
I know, right? Abby's LWs are no prizes either.
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#7
Apr 14, 2013
 
LW1: Good grief. There are *so many* MAJOR things wrong with your so-called relationship...are you really so dumb that you don't see it?...Well, you're writing to Amy, so , yeah, I guess you Really are That Dumb.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#8
Apr 14, 2013
 
Julie wrote:
LW1: Good grief. There are *so many* MAJOR things wrong with your so-called relationship...are you really so dumb that you don't see it?...Well, you're writing to Amy, so , yeah, I guess you Really are That Dumb.
I know, right? People generally break up if they have just ONE of these major issues. It seems like he was OK with everything as long as he was getting some. And she is just as dumb as he is, if not dumber.

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