“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jul 28, 2013
Dear Amy: My very nonreligious (raised Jewish) husband and his son recently decided they want my husband to perform the ceremony at his son's wedding. So my husband went online, filled out a form, paid a fee and now he is apparently an ordained minister and can marry people.

He heard that sometimes clergy members are upgraded to first class on airplanes. He went online and bought several shirts with clerical collars and is planning to wear them on the plane when he flies in the hope that he will get an upgrade.

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I thought that it is Christian clergy that wear clerical collars.

For the last 20 years I can't tell you how many times my husband has made disparaging remarks about Christians. I find this whole thing with the collars and upgrade to be highly unethical, and I think he is trying to present himself as something he's not.

What do you think? Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: Your husband should imagine an anti-Semite donning traditional Orthodox garb and basically making a mockery of both faiths; that's how offensive his behavior is. His online clergy status might be basically legitimate, but the task of marrying someone is no joke, and it shouldn't be treated like one.

I contacted a major airline about this legendary "upgrade" issue and was told they are not aware of this as an official policy, though you can assume that some upgrade opportunities are made unofficially and spontaneously at the gate.

You should be honest with your husband about how wrong and unethical this is. And then you should not give him any further attention for this stunt.

The next time you fly, if your husband pulls out his clerical collar, tell him, "Way to stay classy, honey." And then go about your business, go to your assigned seat and hope that no one on the flight assumes you are together. Your husband should also hope that no one on the flight needs actual, authentic religious assistance. Imagine the "hilarity" that would ensue.

Dear Amy: My husband of 10 years still wears his old wedding ring on his right hand. He wears his wedding ring from our marriage on his left. He says he just likes the old one and it feels good.

I've asked him several times throughout the years to take it off because he's no longer married to that woman. That marriage ended on a bad note since she was unfaithful, and he hasn't seen her in several years. What else can I do to get him to take the ring off and leave it off? Hurt Wife

Dear Hurt: On your next anniversary, you could give your husband a band similar to the one he's wearing on his right hand.

Tell him, "It's time to take off your old ring. I hope you'll agree to wear this one instead."

A wedding ring is more than just a band of metal. It encircles the finger with symbolism.

I agree with you that your husband's choice to wear the wedding band from his former marriage could be very hurtful to you.

It would be illuminating to hear from him why he continues to wear this ring. Given his ex-wife's behavior and the way the marriage ended, this could be a reminder for him that he has prevailed.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Jul 28, 2013
L1 It is not often that I say it this way, but your husband is a real sh*t.

If your husband tries that stunt to get preference in public based on his collar, kiss him , paw him, and say so the people can hear, Oh Father you really should be more discreet, giggle. With any luck someone will brain him then and there.

By the way what does the son's fiance think of all this?

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#3 Jul 28, 2013
PEllen wrote:
L1 It is not often that I say it this way, but your husband is a real sh*t.
If your husband tries that stunt to get preference in public based on his collar, kiss him , paw him, and say so the people can hear, Oh Father you really should be more discreet, giggle. With any luck someone will brain him then and there.
By the way what does the son's fiance think of all this?
L1: Agreed. I remember being upgraded to first class once cause I gave up a seat. There was a priest there on both legs of the flight and I thought collections must really be good at his church.
Also, a relative who lived in the south thought it would be a good idea to marry people as a business and did the internet minister thing. Now she's driving a car with a "clergy" sticker on the back. She's no more clergy material then I am a ballerina.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

#4 Jul 28, 2013
L1: dahgts, I'm assuming the priest was Catholic. My brother worked for a supermarket and the housekeeper at the rectory came in and bought the most expensive gourmet food. I don't think they have tight budgets at all. If my husband pulled that trick, I would not sit with him on the plane.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#5 Jul 28, 2013
1: I only see Catholics with collars. I've not seen a Christian (protestant) wearing one about town...
...either way, hubby is 1st class jerk.
Why not just use a wheelchair at concerts while you're at it? Ugh.

2: Oh, eek! Yeah, if you just "like it" get a different one. The symbol of your failed first marriage? Weird.
I don't know a lot of guys who love rings anyway. Usually they want them all quicker.
That needed to be addressed, oh...11 years ago!
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#6 Jul 28, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
1: I only see Catholics with collars. I've not seen a Christian (protestant) wearing one about town...
...either way, hubby is 1st class jerk.
Episcopalian, Presbyterian, and Lutheran clergy all may wear collars, in my experience. They usually wear their collars when they are doing something involving ministering.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Jul 28, 2013
LW1: If he gets an upgrade, good for him.

"Your husband should imagine an anti-Semite donning traditional Orthodox garb and basically making a mockery of both faiths;"

"My very nonreligious (raised Jewish) husband"

Somehow I don't think it would bother him at all.

"His online clergy status might be basically legitimate, but the task of marrying someone is no joke". And where did he turn marrying his son into a joke? He fulfilled the requirements to be authorized to do so at his son's request. Sorry, but he is under no requirement revere priests and rabbi's the way you do. He is technically clergy and as such I see no problem in him trying to take advantage of some of the benefits. I used to work for a travel agency. Travel agents can get an IATAN card which provides them with many travel benefits. My company processed the paperwork for ANY employee to get one, travel agent or not so we could enjoy those benefits as well. But I guess by your estimation, we should have been ashamed of ourselves.

The airlines don't seem too worried about people gaming the system about them since they are not an official policy. If it was a big concern, they'd spell out the requirements. Otherwise, its just a matter of someone at the gate giving a priest preferential treatment at their discretion.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#8 Jul 28, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Episcopalian, Presbyterian, and Lutheran clergy all may wear collars, in my experience. They usually wear their collars when they are doing something involving ministering.
Hmmm...are those closer to the Catholic side than Protestant?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Jul 28, 2013
You're kidding, right?

Lutheran as in Luther as in one of the first protesters?
Episcopalians which are the non-British name for Anglican which followed hard on Luther's heels chronologically if not from a doctrine standpoint.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#10 Jul 28, 2013
LW1: Kudos for writing in with a unique problem. Team PEllen.

LW2: Maybe he does really just like the ring. Try something different. Ask him not to wear it every day.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#11 Jul 29, 2013
PEllen wrote:
You're kidding, right?
Lutheran as in Luther as in one of the first protesters?
Episcopalians which are the non-British name for Anglican which followed hard on Luther's heels chronologically if not from a doctrine standpoint.
Obviously not.
I've no training in theology. I'm a holy roller Pentecostal. I'm just now delving into the other denominations...I get Lutherans, but I swore Episco and Presb had some strong Catholic leanings/ways.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#12 Jul 29, 2013
PEllen wrote:
You're kidding, right?
She has a point. Lutheranism is the most Catholic, Protestant religion there is. They even do Ash Wednesday and I think Lent. They're followed by Presbyterians, Episcopalians, and Methodists... in whatever order... but there are many Protestant religions that are considered more "Catholic leaning."
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#13 Jul 29, 2013
I thought so.
I don't know all and admit my ignorance, but I'm open to learn.
My Pentecostal church has NO Catholic ways, but I swear others do.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#14 Aug 1, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
I thought so.
I don't know all and admit my ignorance, but I'm open to learn.
My Pentecostal church has NO Catholic ways, but I swear others do.
My daughters school is affiliated with a pentacostal church and I've been a couple of times to that church. NOTHING remotely similar to Catholic church at all. I am non-denominational, though.

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