“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 May 28, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I met the most wonderful man on a dating site. We seemed to hit it off. In fact, we are falling in love with each other. But he isn't ready for an exclusive relationship and still wants to date. He gets on the dating sites when I'm asleep in his bed.

I really care for him, but I don't want to pressure him. He has told me he loves me, but right now he just wants to be friends. He says I should also date, but how do you turn off love?-- SAD AND CONFUSED

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: Please don't think I'm unkind, but when a man is falling in love with a woman, he does not creep out of bed in the dead of night to visit dating sites. He also doesn't tell her to date other people.

Although you may love this guy, from where I sit, when he said he "just wants to be friends," it appears he meant friends with benefits. Because you are looking for more than that, the next time he gets out of bed to peruse a dating site, you should go with him -- on your way out the door.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Michelle," who is attractive, intelligent and works as a teacher's assistant in a public school. What I can't understand is, she refuses to go anywhere without her 33-year-old daughter, "Chloe." They even dress alike.

Chloe is pretty and doesn't have a boyfriend. When Chloe goes out with friends, her mother rings her cellphone over and over until Chloe turns it off.

What do you think is the problem? If Michelle and I go someplace, she wants to bring Chloe, or she calls her and has her come to where we are. Chloe complains to me that she wants her freedom, but Mom accuses her of not loving her, and cries and makes her feel guilty.

Chloe is a college graduate. Her mother allows her to work, but she must come straight home afterward. I'm confused, Abby. What can I do?-- SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT

DEAR SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT: How sad for Chloe. Michelle's relationship with her daughter is more "smotherhood" than motherhood. It's not healthy for either of them. Your friend appears to be unable to see Chloe as separate from herself -- which is why she wants them to dress like twins and becomes anxious when Chloe is with friends instead of by her side.

The kindest thing you could do for the young woman would be to tell her to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional, because she will need help and support in severing the umbilical cord at this late date. That won't be easy. There will be pain involved for both Chloe and her desperately possessive mother, but if Chloe is going to have an independent life, it has to happen.

Plant City, FL

#2 May 28, 2014
1: He's honestly said he's not ready for an exclusive relationship. Wy are women so silly?
She's boarding a train to NY when she wants to go to LA--won't happen.
But she's giving it up to him, so of course he sounds lovey-dovey.

2: OMG....Michelle is an emotionally stunted mushroom. This is pathetic. She lived through daughter and placed all her happiness on her tiny shoulders, probably since birth.
"Allowed" her to work?
Says she doesn't love her and guilts her if she wants to....act normal? Sorry--that is pure hardcore emotioinal abuse. Chloe needs to ditch this psycho fast!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#3 May 28, 2014
1- Okay, he's on dating sites while you're in his bed. His feelings are not mutual, get a clue

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 May 28, 2014
Team Cheluzal.

Ltr 2 sounds like a very very sick family dynamic. I can't say I am surprised that no 3rd persons , like husband, boyfriends , siblings are mentioned.

This is creepy enough to feel like a set up for a play or a murder mystery, or Grey Gardens

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 May 28, 2014
1 This guy is being totally honest, but going on dating sites while you are in his bed is whacked. He should have sent you home first.

2 This sounds like a Stephen King novel.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#6 May 28, 2014
1. Time to call in the dogs and make wee-wee on the fire. He's not that into you, except for the sex.

2. Nut job of the week? Does she ever boil bunnies?

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#7 May 28, 2014
LW2 - Are you sure Chloe's name is not "Bonnie?"

And, what can "you" do about it? Nothing!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 May 28, 2014
Lw1: "we are falling in love with each other"
"[he] still wants to date."

One of you is NOT falling in love with the other. 3 guesses.


Elizabethtown, KY

#9 May 28, 2014
LW1: Team RACE. The guy was honest and if he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship, that's his choice. But trolling dating sites while LW is sleeping in his bed is extremely rude and disrespectful. LW should have called him on that right away. LW needs to start seeing other people and making this guy her last priority.

LW2: Wow. Well, I suppose LW could suggest that her friend develop her own interests so that her daughter can hang out with her peers, but that's probably not going to go over well.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#10 May 29, 2014
Glance into "Chloe's" future:

(a) Chloe will ask LW2 to take "Michelle" on a break away trip--and elope with a guy just to get away from "Michelle"
(b) Chloe will move out with a co-worker after getting her own bank account and a cell phone she conveniently doesn't tell "Michelle" about.
(c) Michelle will find herself in the hospital--and Chloe will move out.
Michelle will lay guilt trip upon guilt trip on her--but Chloe will reply "Mother, you are a mandatory reporter of unwholesome looking relationships. do you want to turn yourself in?"
(d) The letter was made up by a psychology major between semesters.
(e) other

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 1 min woodtick57 1,382,400
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 10 min Sublime1 101,931
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 18 min Dr Guru 214,279
last post wins! (Dec '10) 18 min honeymylove 2,031
News 2nd-oldest known female orangutan dies at Chica... 42 min bozo 1
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 1 hr litesong 59,448
Politics? 2 hr Ferretman 44
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages