Amy 2-23

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“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Feb 23, 2014
 
DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 16. We are now 22 and have graduated in our professional fields and are both working.

We moved in together last June. The trouble is, I am ready to get engaged and married, and within three years I want to start to have children. He, on the other hand, does not feel ready for any of that because he feels as though he's still really young (and in reality we are).

We recently went to a friend's wedding. Seeing this friend get married brought up the tension in our relationship. He felt very uncomfortable -- so did I. We got into a huge fight. He said some things that he immediately regretted.

How do I speed up the process of getting that ring on my finger and carry on with our life together?-- Trouble in Paradise

DEAR TROUBLE: Please do not speed up the process. Your timetable matters, but mainly to you. His timetable matters the most to him. If he feels pushed to marry you before he is ready, this will likely come back to haunt both of you.

You must act on your own accord. It is reasonable for you to set a timetable for yourself where if your guy doesn't show an inclination toward marriage or children, then you will have to move on. If you don't want to live together without being married, then move out of your shared home and live on your own. Couples counseling could bring some clarity for both of you.

DEAR AMY: My sister-in-law is an executive at a local company. She prides herself in letting everyone know her position.

My husband and I hosted a small Super Bowl party, and during the party she was bored and started texting her co-worker/friend instead of conversing with the rest of us.

Twenty minutes later our doorbell rang and her friend showed up at our house, stating this sister-in-law invited her over.

Once inside our house, the two conversed about work as if no one else was in the room (she has also done this on other occasions).

My husband and I find this rude and inconsiderate. She's used to running the show at her workplace, so I think she feels she is running the show at our house too.

How can we stop her bad behavior before we just have to stop inviting her?-- Fed Up in the Midwest

DEAR FED UP: You might not be able to stop your sister-in-law's rude behavior. You can, however, let her know that this behavior bothers you. You or your husband should have a chat with her. All you need to say is: "On Super Bowl Sunday you spent the majority of your time at our house texting. Then you invited your friend to join us without asking. That's not OK."

She sounds smart and capable. Either she figures out how to be a better guest, or she will have to figure out why she is no longer invited to gatherings at your home.

DEAR AMY: "What To Do" describes what she sees as a flirtation from her college professor. If he is, they are both headed for disaster -- heartbreak and shame, at the least, and at worst, a blighted life and a destroyed career -- and a destroyed marriage (if he's married).

I've seen it confirmed among my more foolish colleagues in the course of more than 30 years of teaching. Student-teacher relationships almost never work out, especially at the undergraduate level. The power and experience disparity is just too great.

That said, if she still wants some clarity, here's a test: Did he close the door to his office when she visited? Nowadays, no male professor would close his office door during a female student's visit unless he was totally clueless or on the make. The potential for charges of sexual harassment is just too great. If he's been leaving the door open, the "flirting" she perceived was probably all in her mind. In either case, she should get a grip and not go near that door again, open or closed.-- Boston Professor

DEAR PROFESSOR: Wise advice. Thank you.
Cass

Claremont, CA

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#2
Feb 23, 2014
 
LW1 - I strongly suggest dating other people.

LW2 - How wude! Talk to her and tell her what you think of her behavior.

LW3 - The girl was imagining things, I am sure.
Blunt Advice

Oakland, NJ

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#3
Feb 23, 2014
 

Judged:

1

LW1 - Move out. See other guys.

LW2 - Don't invite her anymore. Although I must admit this last Super Bowl was a snoozer.

LW3 - On the day of the original letter, I told her to find a nice frat boy. I am still standing with this advice (although a student not into the Greek scene would be fine as well).
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#4
Feb 23, 2014
 
LW1: I totally agree with Amy. You are very young. There is no reason to be in such a hurry. If you rush your boyfriend, I can almost guarantee you that you will live to regret it. Move out and cultivate your own interests and friendships.

LW2: What Blunt Advice said.

LW3: I agree that the chances of success for this kind of relationship are slim, but if they are both unmarried adults, and they don't date while she is his student, it's not technically inappropriate. I would advise her to date a mature student close to her own age.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Feb 23, 2014
 
Everyone should quit telling LW1 to start sleeping around.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#6
Feb 23, 2014
 
RACE wrote:
Everyone should quit telling LW1 to start sleeping around.
Just for the record, I didn't say or imply that.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

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#7
Feb 23, 2014
 
1. A marriage is a partnership between 2 people. It is not one person imposing her own timeline on another.
Date other people. He wants to.
2. I don't care how snazzy an executive she is at what number on the Fortune 500 list, she was rude and presumptuous .
Call her out on the behavior. I'll bet she was at your house because no one else invited her
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#8
Feb 23, 2014
 

Judged:

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LW1: You are MASSIVELY CONTROLLING.
I think your boyfriend should *Run Like Hell*.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

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#9
Feb 25, 2014
 
Team Blunt Advice for the Triple Crown win.

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