“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jun 7, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I have been best friends with "Jean" ever since grade school. We get along great, except for one thing -- she's a cheapskate! Jean is single and still lives with her parents; I am a single mother living on my own. We earn about the same amount of money.

Whenever Jean is invited out for drinks, she brings only enough cash for one drink, and then comments loudly that she doesn't have enough money on her for another one and waits until someone offers to pay for it. When going out to eat, she eats at home first, and then asks to "sample" everyone else's food. If she wants to see a movie, she makes sure to bring a date to pay for her ticket.

I think her stingy behavior is keeping her from having serious relationships because she expects to pay for nothing. It has reached the point where I don't want to do anything with her because of her penny-pinching ways. Mutual friends have asked me to speak to her. What can I say to keep my friendship intact?-- SEPARATE CHECKS, PLEASE, IN OHIO

DEAR SEPARATE CHECKS: Because you have reached the point that your relationship with Jean is in jeopardy, talk with her about how her behavior has affected you. But do not allow yourself to be the appointed spokeswoman for anyone else. And unless you know for a fact that her stingy behavior is keeping her from having serious relationships with men, keep it to yourself.

In the future, if you go out with Jean and she says she didn't bring enough money for a second drink, allow her to suffer the consequences. And when she asks to "sample" what you're eating, tell her calmly you'd rather she didn't. I agree that when behavior like hers becomes a pattern -- and the person is able to pay but is mooching -- that it's obnoxious. But it won't be corrected by enabling her, and that is what everyone has been doing.

DEAR ABBY: Because I'm a florist, my niece asked me to do the flowers for her wedding. I gladly agreed.

"Misty" put the priest through a lot to make this a very special occasion. She hadn't attended church prior to the wedding. When the priest asked Misty for a contribution to the church for having her wedding there, she was miffed. I asked her, "Who do you think pays the utilities and upkeep for the church for one-time users like you?" She hasn't spoken to me since! Was I wrong?-- MIFFED MYSELF IN NEW YORK

DEAR MIFFED: Wrong? You gave your niece a dose of reality, and stated it very well. It appears Misty has some growing up to do. Perhaps when her "bridal fever" subsides, she will realize that life isn't one freebie after another, and offer the apology she owes you.

P.S. I hope she thanked you for the flowers.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Jun 7, 2014
1- The poor girl is in debt from a DUI and a miscarriage when she didn't have insurance. And her parents' health are failing and her resources are going to their care. Cut her a break

2-...Put the priest through a lot... when he asked for contribution, she was miffed... All very vague. When you said "one-time users like you," and she hasn't spoken to you since, makes me not want to be on your side. You actually kind of come off as a controlling bully. I'm taking the niece's side
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#3 Jun 7, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- The poor girl is in debt from a DUI and a miscarriage when she didn't have insurance. And her parents' health are failing and her resources are going to their care. Cut her a break
2-...Put the priest through a lot... when he asked for contribution, she was miffed... All very vague. When you said "one-time users like you," and she hasn't spoken to you since, makes me not want to be on your side. You actually kind of come off as a controlling bully. I'm taking the niece's side
1: Funny reponse, edog. She could have all kinds of legitimate reasons for her behavior but unless she tells her friends her situation, she DOES come off as stingy and a user. I agree with Abby that the friends should not be enabling her behavior. I know, they don't want to come off looking as stingy as she is but enough is enough. The lw should tell her how her behavior is seen; that would be doing the woman a favor so she isn't wondering why all of the sudden no one is coming forth to pay her way.
2: I have to agree that the bride is out of her mind or she is just plain clueless. Unless she's been making regular donations to the church she wants to have her wedding in, many priests or ministers would expect her to pay for its use. Who does she think pays for cleaning it before and after the wedding? There's overhead to be paid and she should realize that. If she and her parents had been members of this church for years or even if she only recently started attending on a regular basis, then there might be a reason to complain about being asked for a fee. I have heard of many weddings where the bride and/or groom were regular attendees and they were still charged for having their wedding in their church. No one thought that was weird. I've also heard of ministers charging to perform a wedding ceremony even when the ceremony took place somewhere else such as a garden, park, back yard, beach, or the couple's living room. That said, my husband and I were married by a Justice of the Peace on a Saturday in his beautiful home. We never met the man before but he and his wife welcomed us there and the simple ceremony was beautiful. He refused to take any money for his service. I think he just enjoyed performing the service for us. Perhaps the bride had heard of weddings where the officiant didn't charge for his services and was shocked that hers would. If it bothers her so much, maybe she should shop around for another venue and officiant.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#4 Jun 7, 2014
LW1 is giving Ohio a bad name--by not finding some other friends than "Jean" to hang out with. Whatever her problem is, Jean is old enough to take care of herself.

Not enough info on LW2. These are the possibilities:
(a) Misty didn't know LW2 hadn't paid the wedding deposits and costs
(b) LW2 didn't know Misty's parents nor the groom's parents paid the
fees for the use of the church.
(c) The priest asks everyone for love offerings and would have been content with whatever had been given
or
(d) other
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#5 Jun 7, 2014
LW1: Take Jean out for happy hour at a place with two-for-one drink specials.

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