“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Aug 20, 2014
DEAR AMY: I work as a funeral director and embalmer in a small, family-run funeral home. I take a lot of pride in my work. I spend countless hours and tons of energy ensuring that every detail of my clients' funerals goes off without a hitch.

You can imagine the stress that this entails, dealing with clergy, caterers, newspapers, the government, etc.

I was taught in college that everyone grieves differently, and sometimes aggression will be misplaced. I do my best to be understanding and patient, because these poor people are going through a lot. However, after I've worked for hours past quitting time and answered phones far past my bedtime, my patience wears thin.

Every once in a while, one of the family members will find a small detail that I've somehow neglected, had no control over or just plain sc--wed up.

I've been verbally abused, criticized and just plain treated rudely. I take it very personally and am often reduced to tears.

How can I learn to take these things in stride?-- Losing Patience

DEAR LOSING: I assume that for every disgruntled client, there are many families who are very satisfied with your service. If clients have written to you in gratitude, post these cards and notes in a place where you can see them during your workday.

It is not fair to you or your clients to let your frustrations overwhelm you.

The most successful professionals apologize quickly for mistakes and do everything necessary to make things right. They also take criticism as an opportunity to learn and improve. They don't take things personally. And they learn to move on.

Your profession is extremely emotionally taxing. You are dealing with people at their most vulnerable. You must pace yourself in terms of your own workload. You can't serve people well if you are exhausted or overwhelmed.

Seek the counsel of someone who is more seasoned in your business. Attend professional development workshops for additional training.

Find outlets that take you far outside your work and feed your mind and body. Yoga, swimming or bike riding, or karaoke with a friend, could help.

DEAR AMY: Every year a friend generously offers her vacation cottage in a popular beach town for all of her women friends to have a gathering.

We are eight women in our 50s. We provide meals and gifts for the cottage, and when we go out, we all very happily pay our friend's share

My only issue is that at the end of our four- or five-day stay, she hands us a broom and vacuum and asks us to clean the cottage. Inevitably, we are on our hands and knees, finding items under beds and dust so thick that this has to be the only cleaning of the summer.

We are seven menopausal women, sweating profusely, and some of us cannot bend very easily. Meanwhile the owner is reading magazines on the couch!

We obviously love the cottage and are happy to change sheets, etc., but I feel that she is taking advantage of us!

Suggestions?-- Cinderella and the Gang

DEAR CINDERELLA: Beach towns usually host a variety of professional cleaning services where you can hire cleaners for a vacation turnover. Let's say this fee is $100 to $200. Split between seven of you, this would be a bargain, and you could kick back for one last beachfront brunch during the cleaning session.

Even added to your other expenses, paying for cleaning would still be much cheaper than renting a cottage on your own.

Your friend might be taking advantage of you, but I think you should let her.

DEAR AMY: "Terrified" was worried because her mother wouldn't wear a motorcycle helmet when riding. I've been riding for eight-plus years. Many more women are taking up motorcycle riding.

If she's willing to re-evaluate her stance on helmets, which include some real bad--s design work that pairs nicely with the leather gear, she could be a real style ambassador as well as a safety ambassador to the rising generation of female riders.-- James

DEAR JAMES: Great advice. Thank you.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#2 Aug 20, 2014
LW1: Recognize that it is misplaced and don’t dwell on it.

LW2: If there is a hell, I imagine it might involve at some point having to spend a weekend at a beach house with 8 fifty year old post-menopausal women.

How much work can it possibly be between the 8 of you? Go stay in a hotel or offer to hire a cleaner if you don’t wanna do this.

LW3: I think they all look kind of dorky, unless you get the novelty ones, which don’t really protect your noggin, but I’d rather look like a dork than be a dead cool looking dude.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Aug 20, 2014
1. What Sublime said.

2.I have had a number of friends with vacation cottages . My sister has one that I am at frequently. In everyone place there is a routine to close up the cottage . It always includes sweeping and vacuuming stripping the beds, wiping down the fixtures,etc. Sometimes it involves things like draining the plumbing. That's what happens at vacation cottages.

It is even more important when it is a beach cottage because sand and stuff gets tracked in.

There are 8 people doing it for Gawd's sake. LW is a crab.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Aug 20, 2014
Lw1: tell them to stfu or grand pappy is gonna have company in the pine nox

Lw2: I don' t think its taking advantage of you to expect you to clean the place up after you spents a week there. But it is tacky that she does not participate.
]
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#6 Aug 20, 2014
1: I suspect that most jobs come with some form of "grief." There's a learning curve past college and it involves experience. So yes, go to seminars or whatever for your profession and talk to older, more experienced folks and ask how they handle these kinds of problems. Some won't admit to ever having them making you feel incapable or something of a failure but those folks are lying. Everyone has bad days and bad or immature clients or clients who are going through difficulties and having a hard time dealing with them and take it out on others. In your situation, your clients are grieving but some of them may just be difficult to please all the time and their behavior toward you may not have anything to do with grief but is their own usual behavior. The problem is you have no way of knowing and need to be gentle anyway.

2: Yes, do some research before the next lady vacation and find a cleaner. It will make your entire vacation happier knowing you won't have to bend over, get down on your knees and scrub. Personally, I would prefer to help pay for a cleaning service. My knees can take only so much even when I use knee pads.

3: Don't care. I just hope the woman has long-term care insurance. I'd tell her if she's injured while riding her bike and needs care, I would not be the person paying for or giving it. She has no right to mortgage her children's and grandchildren's futures just because she doesn't like wearing a helmet.(I'd say even wearing a helmet while
riding a motorcycle is risking a lot.)

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Aug 20, 2014
L1: I thought Amy had some real good advice, actually.

L2: Pay to get it done or STFU. You know that's the deal for staying there. Try buying your own cottage and see if you like that price tag. Just sayin'.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#8 Aug 20, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
LW2: If there is a hell, I imagine it might involve at some point having to spend a weekend at a beach house with 8 fifty year old post-menopausal women.
How much work can it possibly be between the 8 of you? Go stay in a hotel or offer to hire a cleaner if you don’t wanna do this.
This made me laugh. You'd probably be bored silly if you were present at such a gathering. You might also want to commit murder at some point. As I picture it, they'd all be sitting around trying to out-talk one another with constant interruptions and loud voices. They'd be discussing their health problems, their medications, their surgeries, their spouses and possibly THEIR medical issues, their children and grandchildren and how they're better than anyone else's, their daughters/sons-in-law and whether they're good or no-good and why that 's the case.... ;-)

Are you feeling it yet? Are you sure you don't want to be present at one of these gatherings? No, I think you were right in the first place. ;-)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Detroit, MI

#9 Aug 20, 2014
1- maybe your customers are aggravated because they're DYING for an appointment!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Aug 20, 2014
Pippa wrote:
<quoted text>
This made me laugh. You'd probably be bored silly if you were present at such a gathering. You might also want to commit murder at some point. As I picture it, they'd all be sitting around trying to out-talk one another with constant interruptions and loud voices. They'd be discussing their health problems, their medications, their surgeries, their spouses and possibly THEIR medical issues, their children and grandchildren and how they're better than anyone else's, their daughters/sons-in-law and whether they're good or no-good and why that 's the case.... ;-)
Are you feeling it yet? Are you sure you don't want to be present at one of these gatherings? No, I think you were right in the first place. ;-)
LOL. Yeah, I think I'd sit that one out.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Aug 20, 2014
1 Water on a duck.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#13 Aug 20, 2014
3 Hello Kitty helmets rule!
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#14 Aug 20, 2014
LW1: Team edog, LOL.

LW2: I'm with Pippa. And Toj. Many, if not most private rentals require you to clean after your visit. I think your friend is being extremely generous to allow you to stay there for free when she could be getting hard cash from other renters. You acknowledge her kindness by splitting the cost of her meals and by cleaning. How hard is it to vacuum, dust, and mop? I like Amy's suggestion, too. Have it professionally cleaned and split the cost.$200 split 8 ways is $25.$300 split 8 ways is $37.50. Totally do-able.

LW3: I'm not rehashing this one.

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