“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Jun 22, 2013
DEAR AMY: I am a 15-year-old girl.

My dad married Satan, and now I have the “stepmonster” from hell. She and my dad got into a fight last week, and she has ignored me for an entire week. When I try talking to her, she gives me the arctic shoulder.
I want to confront her about her behavior. She’s speaking to my dad now but acts like I don’t exist. So what am I supposed to do?-- Cheesed Off

DEAR CHEESED: I’m sorry you are having this experience at home. Frankly, I also feel sorry for your father and stepmonster from hell. Stepparenting is the most challenging form of parenting, and you sound like an angry (and possibly grieving) teenager.

All the same, it sounds like the adults in your household could (and should) behave differently. Much differently. For instance, I wish one of your parents had written to me for help. My take is that just underneath the tough outer shell you present there is a confused and tender teenager who really wants to live in a peaceful, happy household.

Unfortunately, I cannot help your stepmother to be more mature and a better parent. I suggest you interpret her “arctic shoulder” as more of a fearful reaction than an angry gesture toward you. For now, stop trying to confront her. Aim for a conversation instead, and ask your father to help you to have it.

You need some alone time with your dad, and your (new) family needs to have some positive experiences together to build upon. Getting through this rough patch could ultimately be one of those good experiences.

If you know you have done something specific to contribute to these problems, you should admit it. Find a way to express your hurt feelings that does not involve blame or name-calling. Write down your experiences and feelings, and consider using your writings as a guide when you’re talking.

Share this Q-and-A with your father and tell him I think your family could use outside help and mediation in order to blend successfully.

DEAR AMY: I am a man in my 50s. With too much time on my hands and a subscription to Ancestry.com , I started looking up the names of kids I went to high school and grade school with.

I found that a girl I haven’t seen since eighth grade will be married 40 years in a few weeks, a major accomplishment since she was married soon after graduating high school (she graduated a year early). She is 57.

Should I send a card with congratulations and a few news items about other kids from the class? I doubt I will ever see her again. My choices are: send a card or leave the past in the past?-- Too Nice in St. Paul

DEAR TOO NICE: Honestly, an anniversary card out of the blue does seem like a strange gesture, unless you also know the husband of this couple and include him in your well-wishing.

Facebook can be a great tool for connecting and catching up with people from your past; your high school graduating class may even have its own Facebook page. This way you can reach out to others and also be contacted by people looking to catch up with you.

I sense a wistful yearning here; this is extremely common at your stage of life, but tread carefully. In order to keep your connections positive you must not leap into the middle of other people’s relationships.

DEAR AMY: I am responding to the letter from “Toker,” the writer who described himself as “an old hippie” addicted to marijuana. He said he got laughed out of 12-step programs because people didn’t consider his addiction “real” or serious enough.

I had the exact same experience when I sought sobriety from my daily pot habit. It turns out that some 12-step programs are pretty cliquish. Fortunately, I found Marijuana Anonymous, which is oriented toward pot users.-- Also Addicted

DEAR ALSO: Dozens of people have responded with stories of being “laughed out of chairs” in recovery programs. I find this shocking but not surprising. Marijuana Anonymous ( marijuana-anonymous.org ) uses a 12-step model for recovery from pot.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#2 Jun 22, 2013
LW1 - What did you do to get your dad and the step-monster into that fight? If it hadn't been about you, I doubt the Satan would have stopped talking to you and started giving you the arctic shoulder. Talk you your dad about it! If it was something about your behavior, try to figure out how to avoid either the behavior itself or getting the step-monster riled up about it.

LW2 - Weirdo. Think of it this way: if it had been a guy in your class who got married right out of high school and then became quite successful, would you itching to send him a 40-th anniversary card? No? Why not? The same "why" applies to this woman.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#3 Jun 22, 2013
1- Stop being such a goddamm brat and learn to deal with the changes in your life.

2- There's a term for people like you: Creepy stalker.

3- Yeah, a pothead crying on the shoulders of people addicted to meth, crack, heroin, and alcohol.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#4 Jun 23, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
2- There's a term for people like you: Creepy stalker.
The Dog nailed it.

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