“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jun 4, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Solitary Woman in Ottawa, Canada" (March 5), the expectant mom who asked how she could raise her child to enjoy "periods of quiet, reflective fun by himself."

I have two children, ages 7 and 1. Like "Solitary," I also enjoy time to myself, whether reading, writing or going for a hike.

When my son was born, I felt it was important to give him confidence and the ability to be self-sufficient. Therefore, we have him help us with chores like grocery shopping and encourage him to make healthy, responsible choices. When he was 2 and stopped taking naps, we told him he had to have "quiet time" and that reading to himself was one of the options.

As a result, our son is self-motivated, an avid reader and writer, and has an intellectual curiosity most adults don't have. He is teaching himself cursive writing and is interested in learning a foreign language.

We live in the Colorado Rockies, and getting rid of our TV set was one of the best things our family has ever done. Instead of tuning each other out, we enjoy conversation, creating and sharing our days together. I have never been happier as a father or husband.

I am concerned for people who are afraid of silence. I suspect it's a sign of sensory bombardment. The human mind needs moments of clarity brought on by reflection.-- DAD WHO GETS IT

DEAR DAD: Thank you for your letter. I received many thoughtful comments from people who identify strongly with "Solitary's" point of view:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Solitary Woman" was good, but did not start soon enough. She should provide stimulating crib and playpen toys to teach her son at an early age that he can control some aspects of his environment. Having this ability is the key to enjoying solitude.

When my daughter was 7 weeks old, I attached a mobile fashioned from a white wire coat hanger and rainbow-hued origami cranes to her bassinet. I wiggled it and watched her smile at the moving colored birds. When the movement stopped, she became frustrated and began to whimper and kick and flail her arms. The paper birds moved again. She lay still and watched them. When they stopped the second time, she didn't whimper but just moved herself in the bassinet. She had learned she could control her environment.

As a toddler she could leave her playmates and pursue solitary activities in the quiet of her own room. I am convinced that her bassinet experience was the basis for learning to be happy by herself and with herself.-- SMART MAMA IN EL CAJON, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: According to a journalist and mother who published a book on the topic, when an infant cries, wait a few minutes and listen before reaching out. This gives the baby time to learn how he feels with himself, and to deal with it emotionally. After five minutes or so, if the baby has a real need, then you can reach for him. Doing it too quickly prevents this crucial process of learning to be with oneself.-- ANOTHER SOLITARY CANADIAN

DEAR ABBY: As a teacher (now retired), I was always interested in personality types and how they affect learning and interaction with others. One way of dividing personality types is into introverts and extroverts. Introverts get their energy from quiet time alone; extroverts get energy from being with other people and sensory activities.

This is an inborn trait that cannot really be taught, and there are varying degrees of the introvert/extrovert characteristic along a continuum. Wise parents will learn their child's personality traits and tailor their parenting to help him/her have the best learning situations possible.-- MARY IN TEXAS

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jun 4, 2013
As edog would say, put a chip in your kid that plays pornography and teaches gay sex is ok, but only if you renounce christmas. Oh, and the chip can be used to track the little tyke and provide just the right amount of friends needed.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#3 Jun 4, 2013
It really does depend on the person and how they're wired. But you can't entertain them all their waking hours, so either have more than 1 kid, or make them play by themselves here and there.

I'm probably an example of it going bad the other way. Introvert + being an only child for the first five years of life and I'd rather be alone most of the time. Not a super great trait for a married person...

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Jun 4, 2013
I would like to take those rainbow-hued origami cranes and shove them so far up her...
pde

Palatine, IL

#5 Jun 4, 2013
squishymama wrote:
I would like to take those rainbow-hued origami cranes and shove them so far up her...
My kid hated mobiles.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Jun 4, 2013
LW 1 We live in the Colorado Rockies, and getting rid of our TV set was one of the best things our family has ever done.

Your kid hates you.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#7 Jun 4, 2013
squishymama wrote:
I would like to take those rainbow-hued origami cranes and shove them so far up her...
I was pretty much thinking the same thing!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Jun 4, 2013
I know several people who don't own TVs, or they own a TV, but it is only to watch movies, it's not hooked up to cable, they don't get network reception, etc. I'd say about half are superiorly smug about it.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#9 Jun 4, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I know several people who don't own TVs, or they own a TV, but it is only to watch movies, it's not hooked up to cable, they don't get network reception, etc. I'd say about half are superiorly smug about it.
It's like that joke--How do you know when someone's a vegetarian? They'll tell you. Or, how do you know when someone's dog is a rescue? They'll tell you.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Jun 4, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
It's like that joke--How do you know when someone's a vegetarian? They'll tell you. Or, how do you know when someone's dog is a rescue? They'll tell you.
Heh. GOod point.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#11 Jun 4, 2013
That's Angus in my avatar pic. He's a rescue.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Jun 4, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
That's Angus in my avatar pic. He's a rescue.
Is he vegetarian?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#13 Jun 4, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Is he vegetarian?
He is not. He does also like to watch TV.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Jun 4, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
He is not. He does also like to watch TV.
Well if it's public TV, then fine.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#15 Jun 4, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Well if it's public TV, then fine.
Heck no. Animal Planet.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#16 Jun 4, 2013
Oh, sure, let him watch sesame street with those gay puppents bert and ernie. They you wonder why the little guy is running around humping peoples legs.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Well if it's public TV, then fine.

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