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1 - 16 of 16 Comments Last updated Nov 12, 2013

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Nov 12, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner, "Harold," for 11 years. After gay marriage passed here in Minnesota, Harold told me he didn't want to marry me because of my credit rating. I find this insulting and humiliating. Worse, the day marriage equality passed, we were with some friends of mine, and he bluntly told them, "I don't want to marry him because of his FICO score!" It was very embarrassing.

I have also learned that Harold has been telling anyone he knows some of my private information. What can I say to him to get him to stop revealing things about me to people we don't know well? I have asked him plenty of times not to mention my private life to others, but he still brings up information I'd prefer others not know.

Should I end the relationship? I think in some way if I do, that I'll be better off without him. But after 11 years and all that he's done for me, I'd feel really sad. I'd appreciate any advice you give me.-- FRUSTRATED IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that after all these years you have much time and emotion invested in your relationship with Harold. Although I'm sure he has many virtues, sensitivity and discretion do not appear to be among them. It would be interesting to know if Harold would be willing to marry you if your FICO score improved, or if he's using it as an excuse because he doesn't want a legal commitment.

Even if the two of you did marry, you would still have a partner who lacks discretion about what should be private. If this is important to you, Harold may not be the spouse for you because he isn't likely to change.

Couples counseling could help you decide what to do next. Inquire at your nearest gay and lesbian community center about any seminars it offers for longtime couples on this important subject. Just because people can marry doesn't necessarily mean they should.

DEAR ABBY: Our son recently came to us and confessed that three years ago he'd had an affair with a married woman who had two children. He ran into her recently, and she told him she now has three children, and the most recent one -- age 3 -- is his daughter. She's still married to the man she cheated on, and our son says he's still in love with her.

We told our son that because she says the child is his doesn't necessarily mean it is, and if her husband didn't question the pregnancy, it's possible the child is her husband's. We advised our son to get a paternity test.

Our son is now so angry with us for suggesting it that he won't speak to us. He said if we can't support him and the woman he loves, we should stay out of his life. He said she plans to leave her husband.(It has been three weeks and she's still there.) I think she was just trying to get our son's attention.

Was our suggestion unreasonable? We don't support this kind of behavior or their lack of morals. The woman's husband is the only dad this little girl knows, and he thinks she's his child. Our son needs to know if this is his daughter. What a mess! What do we do next?-- ON THE OUTS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ON THE OUTS: Your suggestion to your son was not only reasonable, it was the same clearheaded advice he would have received from an attorney. What you do next is ... nothing, except letting him know you're there for him if he needs you. This is your son's affair, literally, and he is going to have to deal with whatever consequences are the result.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Nov 12, 2013
 

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1- See? You wanted gay marriage. People have been screaming for years and continue to do so. Now you've got it, and..... GAYS DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!

Just like Obamacare. You wanted it, it was so important, now we've got it and.... NOBODY'S SIGNING UP FOR IT!!

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#3
Nov 12, 2013
 

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L1: As Abby so wisely wrote, not every couple should or want to get married, whether they be hetero or gay.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Nov 12, 2013
 

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1 If a straight woman had written that her fiance refused to marry her because of her credit score, how hard would the man have gotten bashed? But since its a gay couple, she is all sensitive and touchy feely.

DTMF, apparently your credit is not the only thing that sucks, and you need to use that to your advantage.

2 You have done quite enough in raising an absolute moron. Dont make it any worse.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#5
Nov 12, 2013
 

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1. The FICO score is a excuse, not a reason. OTOH, just how bad are your money management skills and did you spend all that money (I almost wrote blow it) on him?

2.Stay quiet in the background. If she screwed around on this husband, she will screw around on others, including your son.
Should it come to that, it would be humane for you to assist the child keeping contact with her real, not bio dad and if that's not possible be loving and supportive grandparents. The kid has a hard life ahed of her.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#6
Nov 12, 2013
 
So his credit rating sucks and he blew his boyfriend's money.

He's gone from suck to blow!

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Nov 12, 2013
 

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LW1: Caveat,“partner” is fine when you are gay.

Your “partner” sounds like a bully, and I’m not sure why you would want to be with someone who is so disrespectful and seemingly enjoys embarrassing you in front of others.

LW2: Stay out of it, and let your son handle his own life.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#8
Nov 12, 2013
 

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L1: Having a partner that could not keep my private information private would be a deal breaker for me.

L2: Let is all implode/explode on its own. It will.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

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#9
Nov 12, 2013
 

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LW1 is better off dumping Harold.

LW2 is better off telling that son to take care of himself...better.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#10
Nov 12, 2013
 

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LW1: WTF, my husband doesn't know my FICO. Sh!t, I don't even know my FICO score.

Perhaps the oversharing starts with you...

LW2: Since this sounds like it's going to end up on Jerry Springer, I'd just stay out of it.
Blunt Advice

Bayonne, NJ

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#11
Nov 12, 2013
 

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1. Dump him.

2. After this flooz finds yet someone else, your son will speak to you again. Hope she doesn't give him any diseases in the meantime.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#12
Nov 12, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
1 If a straight woman had written that her fiance refused to marry her because of her credit score, how hard would the man have gotten bashed? But since its a gay couple, she is all sensitive and touchy feely.
DTMF, apparently your credit is not the only thing that sucks, and you need to use that to your advantage.
If a straight man had written that his girlfriend refused to marry him because of his credit rating, how hard would the girlfriend have been bashed?
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#13
Nov 12, 2013
 

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LW1: What the heck? FICO scores can change. In fact, as long as you don't have any extreme negatives on your report, a year of smart credit management can impact your FICO score in a positive direction. Three to five years and you can majorly change your score.

But, Harold and his strange remarks are something you can never change. Consider that.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#14
Nov 12, 2013
 

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LW1: Abby nailed it with her last sentence. Not every couple should marry, gay or straight. I do think you have to talk to Harold about 1) speaking to you respectfully and 2) not sharing personal information about you with others.

LW2: Birth control. Use it.

I don't understand why your son didn't insist on a DNA test himself. Maybe the kid looks exactly like him, like Quinn and John Edwards. But to answer LW's question, butt out... way out. Your son will have to learn the hard way to stay away from unavailable women.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#15
Nov 12, 2013
 
She would have been applauded for vetting him properly and protecting herself financially
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
If a straight man had written that his girlfriend refused to marry him because of his credit rating, how hard would the girlfriend have been bashed?
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#16
Nov 12, 2013
 

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LW1: Harold is a jerk. You'll be better off without him.

LW2: Your son is very naive (that's the kindest word I can think of).
Very possibly the woman is simply trying to get $$ from him, and he'll try to get that $$ from *you*. Don't give him a dollar for the kid without a DNA test.

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