Abby 12-16

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“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Dec 16, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: Christmas is coming, and I dread it. I have only my brother, his wife and their kids. I'm on Social Security disability and I barely make it each month. They buy me gifts, but I feel embarrassed to accept them because I can't buy anything for them. It makes me feel small.

Even though I have nothing to offer my nieces, my brother and sister-in-law persuade me to go anyway. They are financially much better off than I am.

I lost my wife a year ago. I see everyone else having someone in their lives and I feel alone. There's just me and my dog now. The holidays hurt. What can I do?-- MISERABLE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISERABLE: You have something to give to your relatives. It's the gift of your presence. If you have a talent, share it with them.

Because this is your first Christmas without your wife, it's no wonder you feel alone. At this time of year, many people do. A way to lessen the sense of isolation would be to do something for someone else. If you're able, volunteer at a food bank, a homeless shelter, a senior center. It will give you less time to brood, and you will feel welcome and needed.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a first (and last) date with a "gentleman." He ordered himself a beer and a prime rib dinner. He never asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink.

As flabbergasted as I was, I have a theory: Men today are different from those of the past, and my guess it's because the pierced and tattooed gals today speak and act like sailors, therefore ruining it for the rest of us. Am I right?-- PUZZLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUZZLED: No. You need to speak up! The rules of dating have changed over the last decades. Many women expect -- and prefer -- to pay for their own meal and drinks on a first date. It has nothing to do with whether they are tattooed or use four-letter words. They like their independence, and sometimes earn more than their dates do.

DEAR ABBY: After 25 years of marriage, my wife no longer wants to shave her legs. She is starting to look like a gorilla. I think it's a slap in the face. She says it has nothing to do with me. I don't know if I should move to another zoo or buy her some bananas.-- PEEVED IN POUGHKEEPSIE

DEAR PEEVED: This may be your wife's way of rebelling, just as some retired men forgo shaving because they no longer "have" to. Or, the winters in Poughkeepsie may be so cold she feels she needs the insulation. Stay in the zoo you're used to -- after all, it's home.(If it's causing problems in your marital relations, close your eyes and pretend it's cashmere.)

DEAR ABBY: Would it be a breach of etiquette to enclose a self-addressed, stamped (blank) thank-you note with gifts I plan to send to my grandchildren, since they do not respond when I mail them gifts or cards?-- GRANDMA IN MARSHFIELD, MO.

DEAR GRANDMA: I think it's a great idea as a last resort -- and no, it would not be a breach of etiquette to do so.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

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#2
Dec 16, 2013
 

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Good morning, edog. Thank you for posting the column.

1: I guess Abby's advice on this one is as good as any I could come up with. It's nice that he DOES have family.

2: Some people are just clueless bores and others don't know how to open their mouths.

3: If that 's all he has to complain about, he should count himself fortunate. However, I can see that having to look at a wife's unshaven (and VERY hairy) legs would be more than a bit off-putting. I recall seeing a few women who had rather dark hair who obviously did not shave their underarms or legs. Personally, I found it rather repellent. I found myself thinking I was glad I didn't have to see them every day. So I DO feel for this lw. She may be telling the truth that it isn't about HIM. It's about her. Did he ask her why? Is her skin more sensitive now that she's older? Is it that she just hates shaving? I suppose he could get even by growing an unkempt beard. Personally, that would get me back to shaving if he promised to get rid of the facial hair. Also, I've been told that it's normal for women's body hair to become thinner or almost non-existent as they age. Maybe he should give her another 10 to 20 some years and it might no longer be an issue.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

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#3
Dec 16, 2013
 
4? There's a 4th letter? For a minute I thought I'd commented on another letter by mistake since I already reached #3.

4: Ha! This MIGHT just do the trick. Consider the thank you notes as a life lesson they are not already getting at home. It shows the kids they are expected to send thank you notes - even to Grandma. Depending on their ages, they MAY just roll their eyes though and think Grandma is weird. But that's ok. Grandmas are supposed to be weird sometimes. It adds to their attraction. ;-)

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Hyattsville, MD

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#4
Dec 16, 2013
 

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2- Sorry, chunzy, we were at a restaurant. I didn't think I'd have to ASK if you wanted something!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Dec 16, 2013
 

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1 Somebody needs a hug. Give you bro's kids a nice card with a fond memory of them written inside.

2 If this was an inet date, then I could see it happening, the expectation is its going to be dutch. I laugh when women say they want dinner on the beach with wine for a first date, Ha! Yeah right.

3 People in Poughkeepsie are idiots, and apparently the women a little more so. Have fun in your blizzard dufus!

4 Dont send any gifts, just the return mail and date each on for each year they did not send a thank you.(2009,2010,2011...)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

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#6
Dec 16, 2013
 

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1. People who are as down as LW1 don't need a lost of things they could do. They need someone to call them up and say, Come on, we are going here. You are coming with.
2. Really? First dates are supposed to be dutch treat?
Race- Up here its a bottle of booze on a park bench. In FL it is supposed to be wine on the beach. I mean where else do you guy it outside besides the beach or a dock?
3.If my husband told me he didn't like a grooming choice in the terms LW uses, I'd listen, carefully consider it and tell him to go F himself
4.Don't send gifts. Jut send cards. Put the money you would have spent in a account and leave it to them in your will.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#7
Dec 16, 2013
 
Inet dates are. And its not the "Where they want" it's the "What they want"
Asking a woman on a date that you have already met in person is one thing. You have already communicated and felt the spark. The spark in inet dating does not happen until you actually meet, and if it is not there then you're just waiting to leave.

I am not going to spend $100 on a meal with a woman I have never met before, and may never see again.
PEllen wrote:
2. Really? First dates are supposed to be dutch treat?
Race- Up here its a bottle of booze on a park bench. In FL it is supposed to be wine on the beach. I mean where else do you guy it outside besides the beach or a dock?
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#8
Dec 16, 2013
 

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LW2 - What? If he ordered a prime rib dinner, then I assume you were at a restaurant and not a drive-through fast food place. So, you got menus, sat at a table, and a server came by to ask for your order. Did you say, "I'd like the grilled salmon on a bed of pilaf/mushroom burger hold the onions, with garlic fries/Greek salad, dressing on the side?" No? Why in the world not?

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Hyattsville, MD

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#9
Dec 16, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Inet dates are. And its not the "Where they want" it's the "What they want"
Asking a woman on a date that you have already met in person is one thing. You have already communicated and felt the spark. The spark in inet dating does not happen until you actually meet, and if it is not there then you're just waiting to leave.
I am not going to spend $100 on a meal with a woman I have never met before, and may never see again.
<quoted text>
Two people can have a casual dinner for less than fifty. Your attitude might be why your first dates never become a second.
Timmy

United States

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#10
Dec 16, 2013
 

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The person writing in to Abby was from Florida. Kinda sounds like something chunzy would do.
edogxxx wrote:
2- Sorry, chunzy, we were at a restaurant. I didn't think I'd have to ASK if you wanted something!
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#11
Dec 16, 2013
 

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LW1: I was going to suggest that he bring cookies to everyone, but PEllen nailed it. What LW needs is companionship, not participation in a gift exchange. I hope his family or friends invites him to go see a movie after or during the holidays.

LW2: Team Race. I don't internet date any more for the reason he stated. People are looking for immediate "sparks". And if this was an internet date, it was a mistake to go to dinner if you've never met in person. You need to meet for coffee for no more than one hour, and buy your own coffee.

LW3: I might get flamed for my opinion, but here it is. Sorry, but if she has dense, dark leg hair, she should remove it, either by shaving, using a depiliatory, waxing, or electrolysis. Although PEllen makes a good point about expressing his feelings about it more tactfully than he does in his letter.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#12
Dec 16, 2013
 

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LW1: They give gifts because they love you and they can. They understand about your situation and love you anyway, regardless if you can reciprocate. Please let them love you and show you what the true meaning of Christmas is, OK?

LW2: Is there something wrong with your mouth? Your vocal chords?'Cause most people just tell the server what they want to eat, they do not have their date order for them.

Oh wait! Maybe you're like 100 years old,

LW3: She may look like a gorilla, but you're acting like a jackass.

Maybe you both belong in the zoo.

LW4: I have to say that my grandma never once expected me to send a thank-you note for a christmas present. Since you don't see them on Christmas, I'm guessing you (or they) call to wish you a Merry Christmas, right? Make sure your adult child tells their children to thank you during the call. The SASE will not go over well.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#13
Dec 16, 2013
 

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You are intentionally ignoring the quote I was referring to. If you can have dinner on the beach with a bottle of wine for under $50 I would say your eating two 10pc wings with a "Glass" of wine each at Hooters. Or someplace worse.

Which is probably why YOUR first dates never become a second.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Two people can have a casual dinner for less than fifty. Your attitude might be why your first dates never become a second.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Hyattsville, MD

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#14
Dec 16, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
You are intentionally ignoring the quote I was referring to. If you can have dinner on the beach with a bottle of wine for under $50 I would say your eating two 10pc wings with a "Glass" of wine each at Hooters. Or someplace worse.
Which is probably why YOUR first dates never become a second.
<quoted text>
What quote am I ignoring? I have frequently gone out to dinner for two and paid less than fifty dollars. You need to shop around some more, dude. You don't always have to go to a high class five star restaurant on a first date.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Hyattsville, MD

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#15
Dec 16, 2013
 
Kuuipo wrote:
And if this was an internet date, it was a mistake to go to dinner if you've never met in person.
See, I just don't agree. I see nothing wrong with dinner on a first date. I do it all the time. If there's no sparks, big deal. At least you're getting dinner and out of the house for a little while.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#16
Dec 16, 2013
 
Where can you go and order two dinners, a bottle of wine and tip for less than $50?
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
What quote am I ignoring? I have frequently gone out to dinner for two and paid less than fifty dollars. You need to shop around some more, dude. You don't always have to go to a high class five star restaurant on a first date.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#17
Dec 16, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Where can you go and order two dinners, a bottle of wine and tip for less than $50?
<quoted text>
Yeah, the bottle of wine alone would be $25 at a cheap place.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#18
Dec 16, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
See, I just don't agree. I see nothing wrong with dinner on a first date. I do it all the time. If there's no sparks, big deal. At least you're getting dinner and out of the house for a little while.
I like your attitude.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#19
Dec 16, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Where can you go and order two dinners, a bottle of wine and tip for less than $50?
<quoted text>
You can go to a grocery store with a deli. Then you're ready for the beach.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#20
Dec 16, 2013
 
Touche'

I could also make a dinner for that same amount, but neither falls within the context of inet first dates.
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
You can go to a grocery store with a deli. Then you're ready for the beach.

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